Adults about children. Part 4

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

From the article of our reader concerns the topic of raising children, which is relevant for most. This time, the methods are considered, which can be conventionally called "I love you", as well as techniques for the development of thinking "Bedtime story" "We play together."

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

We continue our conversation about children and working with children.

Reception "I love you". Sometimes, in some situations, no "technical" tricks work.

For example, a child is naughty, crying, angry, offended by something. Let's say they didn't buy him a toy, or they don't allow him to do something, or you reprimanded him for doing something earlier …

We try to explain to him our or his actions, but the rational does not work. Moreover, the child waves a pen or sticks out his tongue, etc.

We do not get angry, we do not threaten, but we say sincerely, sensually, from the heart (not in a patter): "I love you, my dear (dear)." The whim does not go away immediately, it may not go away quickly. After waiting a little pause, we say again: "I love you … / I love you anyway … / you know that I love you, even when you cry or swear …". It is important to pause. It takes time for the little ego to give up. And there is no need to talk too much, talk over the situation. But you can add: "Come to me, I will hug you, kiss you, my good (good) …".

My grandson does not come right away, he can sit a little in the corner, puff. Maybe 5 minutes go by. I sometimes remind: "My sun, come to me." And he finally walks. Then you need to do "hugs". As a rule, the incident is over. But other techniques may also be needed (depending on the nature of the child, his character), for example, "Bargaining" or "Rationalization".

The "I love you" technique is universal. He helped me a lot in a variety of situations. It works well for older children, when combined with Rationalize. I used it with my 25-year-old son too. But, of course, you need to prepare for such a conversation in advance, select arguments, right up to writing them down. Yes! Yes! 100 times yes. We need to prepare. Up to the preparation of a short conversation plan in writing, unless, of course, you want to break into emotions again, when your arguments in response to his (her) arguments (and more often, excuses and excuses) "suddenly" run out.

Most people, when they run out of words, switch to emotions, and it turns out "they wanted the best, but it turned out, as always." More precisely, the conversation does not work out, but a new round of resentment and misunderstanding turns out. Because words were not enough.

The very beginning of a conversation with a teenager or adult child is very important - there should be something like phrases: “You know, I want to talk to you, just without emotions, calmly … / Tanya, I need to discuss one question with you, listen, please … / Dima, we need to talk for a few minutes … / Last time you needed to … (what to do, for example, or go somewhere) I went to meet you, so listen, please … ") and so on. There is an excellent episode in the movie "Rescuer", where a difficult conversation between a boss-friend and a friend-subordinate begins with the words: “I didn't fire you on retirement when you turned forty, so please listen to me …”. Further - "I love you" (I love you as a daughter / as a son / as a person close to me, etc.) and, perhaps, some justifications on why, for what, why … (for example, therefore I wish you only good / only good …). Older children may be distrustful, they can hear intonation perfectly, distinguish it, and may already be inclined to think. Therefore, your sincerity should be sincere, and some of your words will have to be additionally argued. This should be done without blame. It is possible that the accusations will have to be heard. It is important that at the end of the conversation you come to some kind of agreement together so that the conversation ends with some kind of result.

What result did you want to get when you wanted to have this conversation? What was the purpose of the conversation?

Techniques for the development of thinking "Bedtime story" "We play together."

“Dreaming must be transformed into disciplined thinking. Already ancient sages advised mothers to pass on legends about heroes to children and introduce them to the best songs about exploits. Will humanity now reject these wise covenants? The Fiery World is first of all open to heroes and ascetics. (The Fiery World, Part 2, 428).

Children need to be told stories. Up to school. And even in the 1st grade. But not all fairy tales fit. It is important to take into account the age of the child, the style of presentation of the material of the fairy tale and its morality (what moral values are inherent in the fairy tale).

One way to develop thinking is by saying to my grandson after the story, for example, “Good story? Did you like it? Why is she good? How did you like it? And why / why did he (the hero) do this? Why didn't he obey? Is this boy good or bad? What about the other heroes? And why is he (they) good / evil? Etc. etc. essentially a fairy tale.

If the child is at a loss with the answer, you need to prompt him or slightly supplement the picture of his answer = thinking, showing directly or indirectly to some cause and effect, give some other examples or answer options that are different from what he said. At the same time, it is very important to focus on the RIGHT moral values (from the word right, left in our country is enough, unfortunately - when we talk about left and right, we should not confuse these concepts with politics, we are talking about two ways of development of mankind, about East and West, about Good and Evil).

Someone might say: "This is formatting … When he grows up, he will figure it out on his own …". Uh-huh … We will answer this: “Not formatting, but the formation of the child's value system. Right = right (from good!) Values. And the development of his thinking in the right direction. " For if you do not form values, then they will be formed by the street, kindergarten, school, etc. - the way they can do it (so far, unfortunately, not in the best way), or even some scoundrel from the camp of destructives denied …

But it is important to carry out the formation NOT obtrusively, NOT one-sidedly, NOT overwhelming, NOT insisting, etc., but asking (first of all!), Directing with questions, showing, explaining … The task is not to create stereotypes, but to show what happens and how, while not forgetting to tell how Vladimir Mayakovsky ("What is good and what is bad?"), correctly set moral and cultural priorities.

Second way. It takes a little imagination. For example, I compose a fairy tale, intertwining in it as the story progresses, the plots and heroes of different fairy tales (it is so interesting to weave this story, building the most unexpected combinations). And / or, I often introduce the grandson himself into the plot of a fairy tale, as a character. Sometimes, having told a story up to a certain point, I say: “And then what happened - come up with … / tell it yourself. This is your fairy tale … . Sometimes at the same time I set the direction, help first with the development of the situation, because the child's fantasy may not work right away - it must be developed gradually: “Where did you go?.. What did you do?.. And then what happened?..”.

For example, you can take the fairy tale about "Little Red Riding Hood", telling everything at the beginning as usual, and then enter the name of your child into the cast, and let him / she help Little Red Riding Hood escape from the wolf in your story.

“If lessons of high morality should be taught to children in the lives of heroes of all ages and all peoples, then the innermost laws of being can be expounded in the form of fascinating stories and examples from the life of all the kingdoms of nature. The accumulated wisdom of the ages can be presented in the simplest forms and, thus, many new distances will be revealed. Of course, such lessons are remembered even better when they are presented to children in the form of small plays, where the children themselves play the roles of heroes. Children could bear the name of their chosen hero at their meetings. (Helena I. Roerich, 19.04.38.).

It is very important TO PLAY TOGETHER. Including role-playing games (doctor and patient, father / mother and daughter / son, teacher and student, etc., builder and tenant). Plots can be taken from everyday life typical situations, incl. and those that are important to teach or discuss with a child. There are many of them - plots, including those from the life you and him have already lived. I repeat - take into account the age of the child (because everything has its time) and do not impose your opinion, do not create a stereotype.

Remember that games with a child are not only motor games - developing coordination of movements, accuracy, dexterity, etc., but also logical - for the development of thinking, and mastering something from something - for the development of various skills, and creative - on the development of ear for music, rhythm, skills to sculpt, draw, sing, dance, etc. For example, we love to draw together some kind of picture with our grandson - for example, the Altai mountains and our dogs, and of course, the children themselves. Or I will draw something more complicated (a rose, a carnation) and tell him - draw, and sometimes I will draw it with a pen where it is difficult. Sometimes it doesn't work the first time, and I encourage him to redraw it better, because we'll show Dad. So he learned to draw very well.

Or we with children put on different ethnic music and danced different dances - Slavic, Eastern, Caucasian … Or danced like fire, like water, like air …

We have several different musical instruments at home, and children always show an increased interest in them. You can't forbid touching them, taking them (suddenly, like, they break them), you need, on the contrary, to organize classes with the children so that they hum, knock, rattle …

Well, that is, here, in the development of creativity, there is no limit to creativity, you just need to show a little imagination ourselves.

“From an early age one should be taught to assimilate the beauty of sound. Musicality needs education. It is true that in every person a propensity for sound is inherent, but without education it sleeps. One should listen to beautiful music and singing. Sometimes harmony alone will awaken the feeling of beauty forever. But ignorance is great when the best panaceas are forgotten in the family. Especially when the world is shuddering with hatred, it is necessary to hasten to open the ear of the younger generation. Without realizing the meaning of music, it is impossible to understand the sound of nature. And, of course, one cannot think of the music of the spheres - only noise will be available to the spirit of the ignorant. And the songs of a waterfall or a river or an ocean will only be a roar. The wind will not bring melody and will not ring in the forests with a solemn hymn. The best harmonies disappear for an unopened ear. Can the people make their ascent without a song? Brotherhood, 292.

And the last thing - it was very easy to learn (with both nephew and grandson) to say the letter "rr" in just a couple of trainings. I know how other speech therapists can mess around here for a whole month. We did it simply by suggesting: "Let's learn." The children agreed. He showed where the tongue fits in the mouth using the example of his tongue (they looked into my mouth). I noticed how the tongue trembles, shakes finely, finely. They began specifically with short words with consonants at the beginning to rattle: "Tr-r-rava, dr-r-ditch, tr-r-ramvay, cr-r-rat, st-r-wound, etc.". Their child is easier to pronounce, pronounce, cracking his tongue.

It didn't work out right away. Now I looked into their mouths to see where the tongue was. Showed mine again. Again tr-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-d-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-d-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-e Finally, the younger "shot" clearly "tr-r-rava". We called both mom and dad. Mom was moved to tears. The lesson lasted 20 minutes. Then we repeated it a couple of times, making the words more complicated.

Further, when the child learns to pronounce "r", you need to require him to say this "rr" in the words that he pronounces every day, i.e. pay attention to this periodically, but without speeding up the process. In short, when I came to visit a month later, there were no longer any problems with the letter "r". The parents conscientiously completed what they had begun. In this case, we did without a speech therapist. Although showing the child to a professional is, of course, harmless, and even necessary.

SPEAK HERE ABOUT ANOTHER - no need to withdraw from working with your own child, justifying it with your busyness or referring to someone. Parents and grandparents should work together and in concert to educate the child, dividing some functions here and providing each other with mutual assistance and support. But how few, in fact, such families. And we, of course, also did not immediately find a common language with the older family children, but someone should be wiser … I think that all the same - the older generation. And often it must take a step forward, first of all changing its behavior.

"Let's not think that the next Race will fall from the sky on pink wings!" Hierarchy, 207. People need to be raised and educated for it!

See you. To be continued…

Doc Stefan