Adults about children. Part 2

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

Part 1

“The education of the people should be conducted from the initial education of children from the earliest possible age. The sooner the better . Community. 102.

“The most urgent, most urgent task is the upbringing of children and youth. In all countries, this issue, on which all the well-being and power of the people and the country is based, is now given very little and, moreover, extremely miserable attention. Usually it is customary to confuse education with upbringing, but it is time to understand that school education, as it is in most cases, not only does not contribute to the moral upbringing of young people, but even vice versa … Excessive passion for sports leads to a coarsening of morals, mental degeneration and new diseases. Of course, the situation at home is no better in the conditions of modern families. Therefore, it is time to pay the most serious attention to the difficult and homeless situation of children and youth in the sense of moral development. Many lofty concepts have completely gone out of use and have been replaced by everyday formulas for the easy achievement of the most vulgar prosperity and the same fame. (Helena I. Roerich, 19.04.38.).

First advice: Buddha's "Do as I do" method

It's time for my little grandson to change from a pot to a toilet, but even small people quickly develop habits and, often, unwanted stereotypes - the lion's share of them, of course, through the wrong actions of their parents. In general, the grandson did not want to go to pee in the toilet, not to mention a more "difficult" need, cried and demanded a pot, and if not given (parents), he wrote in his pants.

When the children once again came to visit, my son shared this problem with me. It was solved simply by using the “Do as I do” method.

When my grandson asked to write, I said: “I want to too. Come with me, I'll show you something … . We went to the toilet and I showed how men and boys do IT. The grandson looked with interest, and then, out of a purely childish habit of imitation, he easily did the same. Everyone was happy, especially the parents.

Almost also we later taught the kitten Manus to walk in the sink or in the bathtub (our toilet was not shallow). More precisely, I didn't have to teach much (except for regular encouragement), because the kitten was very curious and intelligent, and all the time he watched what we were doing there in the bathroom and in the toilet (we have combined them). It was directly noticeable that he was watching. Observed, observed and made conclusions. And not instinct has already worked, but reason to some extent. Since then, we have forgotten about fillers and cat smell.

Summary: Both animals and people, not even developed, can be easily taught by the method of showing “Do as I do”.

The simplest algorithm for teaching people something says:

1. Tell me what to do and how to do it.

2. Show me how to do it.

3. Let the one you teach try to do it yourself.

4. Observe the actions of the learner.

5. Praise him for his implementation and give feedback - make an analysis of the actions to consolidate what he has learned. At the same time, show mistakes, but focus more on the right actions, and not on the wrong ones, in order to consolidate a positive reflex = stereotype.

So, firstly, for young children, the 1st point can be skipped, it is better to do it while showing something, in some cases, you can tell it at the end. And in the fifth point, of course, you need to praise the child.

Secondly, sometimes the learning problem is not solved on the first try, and in some cases the parents will have to repeat the algorithm one or two more times … (memorization should occur, something like a reflex). Much here depends both on the child (how developed or neglected) and on the parent (how much you can find words, show patience, and finally - how much you, dad and mom, have built contact with your children). But in general, children perfectly and willingly perceive the "Do as I do" technique and learn much faster this way. For one of the Universal Laws - the Law of Teaching says: “5. People no longer do what they are told, but what the speakers themselves do, i.e. what they see. Hence the best teaching is by example."

And finally, here's something else adults should think about after reading clause 5 of the Law of Teaching: when you notice some traits in a child that you do not like or annoy, and your hand has already started to slap, THINK: is this your trait?, didn't you show her with your unconscious and sometimes uncontrollable behavior in the bosom of your family? So who needs to be spanked here?

Another example of training: a nephew came to visit - a very nimble indizhon about six years old. He was delighted with the freedom and spaciousness, but especially with the pile of tools lying on the workbench. Of course, the need to saw and nail something arose immediately. But if the hammer is not so terrible (and sometimes it is useful to learn a lesson in mild pain for memorization, as impossible as possible), then the saw can easily chop off a finger …

Of course, everything can be prohibited, BUT! But here's what is important: a child comes into this world with his own program-purpose, his attitudes, his unsolved problems, finally, etc. to disfigure this assignment, suppressing it by their own will and adding to the child their unrelenting complexes and stereotypes.

Therefore, we will not forbid you, but we will show the child how to saw, drawing his attention to the fact that the teeth of the saw are very sharp (we will show them). We will also show you how to hold the board firmly so that it does not fly off, how not close you need to keep your hand to the saw, so that the saw that comes off with sharp teeth does not cut your hand. For example, I deliberately showed myself how the saw scratches the brush, and said: “See !?”. Then the nephew sawed a couple of small boards in front of me (that is, I watched - see the learning algorithm), and we also hammered a couple of nails with him using the same method. Then I said to him: "Well done!", Showed how you can build the simplest boat and … for one and a half or two hours the child was not visible - he was selflessly building.

During the day, however, he found more and more tools and brought them to me, asking: “Why is this?”, Sometimes we repeated the algorithm with him. It was noticeable that he liked to study this way. And I, of course, but the most dangerous tools: a scythe, axes - I still removed it - until the next training. For good is that in moderation.

I saw another example, when my mother, in a somewhat similar situation, did exactly the opposite. A young woman paid for something with a card at an ATM and, of course, pressed such beautiful buttons. Something was not introduced the first time, but there was no one for the people and there was nowhere to rush. Her daughter, four years old, of course, became interested and "helped" her mother to press the buttons, respectively, inserting her fingers anywhere. Mom forbade her to do this, but the girl persistently continued to help. The matter did not argue in any way. Mom raised her voice, but her daughter did not obey and continued to press the buttons. Mom pushed her daughter away - she began to cry …

Let's think - was it not wiser in such a situation, NOT to prohibit, but, on the contrary, to take the child in your arms, say: "Come on together!" and push buttons … for example, with his hand. The child would definitely be happy, and the mother would cope faster, and the nerves would be in order - in general, the benefit is mutual.

Second tip: "Switching attention."

“Don't humiliate children. Remember that true science is always inviting, concise, accurate, and beautiful. Lies, rudeness and ridicule are banished. It is necessary that families have at least a rudiment of understanding of education. Much has been lost after seven years. Community. 102.

There are few more disgusting sights than when a hysterical mother pounds a crying child in the street (in cities there are a lot of neurasthenics among young people). The situation is trivial at first glance. The child wanted something or, on the contrary, does not want something - and begins to be capricious. The parent is trying to explain something to him (and often it looks like this: "Why are you yelling! Well shut up quickly!" Finally, an adult's nerves cannot stand it, and he uses force, thereby greatly aggravating the situation both in the present and to the most irreparable consequences - in the future (up to suicide).

Someone may say: "Nonsense, it's okay, my parents beat me too in childhood, I grew up normal." But those who were beaten will say. And what about normality will be a very controversial question - if people carefully analyze some of their grievances and other negative character traits, where they came from. It is not for nothing that many psychologists and psychiatrists, when analyzing the reasons for certain breakdowns, conflicts, depression, personality complexes, etc., often talk about psychological trauma received in childhood. So sometimes they haunt us all our lives.

So, what to do?.. To switch the child's attention to something more interesting / unusual / incomprehensible, etc. with the help of your phrase, exclamation, behavior, etc. - in general, draw the child's attention to something else.

Not so long ago, in one hospital, I saw how a young mother, carrying her child to the elevator, handed him over to his grandmother. Apparently, my mother had to go to work. The child immediately began to shout (in the elevator), so loudly that many of the passengers frowned, but the grandmother, you see, was experienced. She quickly and with surprise, as if she had never seen it herself, exclaimed softly: "Wow, look, which buttons light up … do you want to press one?" The cry was cut off. True, the grandmother had to drive an extra storey to fulfill her promise (to press a button), well, what can't you do for the health of your grandson.

I have used this method many times in various situations with children 2-5 years old, and almost always it worked perfectly. More than once I saw how the same method was used by experienced and caring teachers in kindergartens. But this method has some nuances …

Firstly, an adult needs to play a role well, well, for example, to show his sincere surprise at the object to which he wants to switch the child.

Secondly, you need to somehow organize / provide some option for the child's contact with the target object (as we will call it) so that he can touch, hold or observe it. It is necessary that the target object of the child be carried away for some time, sufficient for the child to be able to forget the subject of contention.

Thirdly, the target object, I repeat, should not be trivial, but really interesting to the child. The method "Look, look, the bird flew … Oh, flew away …" or "Oh, look, the car is going …", etc. will give little sense, most likely, the child will continue to cry after a short switch of attention.

Sometimes in this case you have to sort out a couple of such "pictures" - something, but it will work.

Fourthly, the older the child, the better he begins to distinguish between openness, sincerity, reasonable expediency and our simplest manipulations - and is no longer "carried out" on them. In this case, you need to use other methods, for example: “I love you” (this technique is universal), “Choice”, “Bargaining”, “Rationalization”, working with the child more and more as with an adult. We will talk about this and much more about the development of children in the next issues.

“Classes in art and the most prosaic crafts are also useful, for nothing awakens dormant abilities so much as the possibility of direct, personal identification. Choir singing, folk dances, and all activities that require a united rhythm are good. But especially children should be encouraged to express their opinions about everything they have read, heard and seen, such discussions will lay the foundation for thinking. It is also necessary to introduce exciting activities and games that require special attention. After all, memory is, first of all, attentiveness. In older groups, it would be possible to introduce the writing of diaries so that all the good things that were done during the day and all the mistakes that were made were noted in them. At the same time, starting a new day, let it be decided not to allow a certain act throughout the day, for example - irritation, rudeness or lies, or, on the contrary, to assert special attentiveness, politeness and care for others, etc. Keeping such a diary with the purpose of introspection will greatly help in eradicating unwanted habits and establishing new and useful ones. Habits make up qualities. Let's not forget useful excursions to familiarize children with different branches of labor, science and art. It is absolutely necessary to educate children to love nature in all its manifestations. In this respect, all sorts of picnics and walks are useful for collecting botanical, entomological and mineralogical collections. In general, collecting all kinds of collections is very conducive to the acquisition of useful knowledge … . (Helena I. Roerich, 19.04.38.).

Doc Stefan