Adults about children. Part 1

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

The article of our reader concerns the topic of raising children, which is relevant for most. How distorted is this process today? In what ways can you resist the transformation of children into animals? How can you help your child to become a real person?

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

What you can't do with children

The first is impossible. You cannot "embody" your dreams in a child; make it a means to achieve your goals. Very often adults try to direct the child's aspirations to what they themselves dreamed of, and what they themselves have not been able to do in life. We must always remember that a little person has his own program of life, destiny that he must fulfill, and the results that he must achieve. Replacing this program by adults with their own is violence against the child and is fraught with new karma for the parents.

The task of the parents is to help the child find his program and develop the ability to implement it

The second is impossible. The trouble of our time is the computer. Parents so early, sometimes from the age of 3, try to introduce their children to the computer, often justifying this with phrases like “he’s going to school, all the children are there, they know how to use computers, my child will feel inferior” or “now is such a time” and … slip the child into another, "developing", as they believe (and more often, killing), game.

In fact, of course, parents (especially often, single mothers) in this case most often pursue the goal - so that the child “does not interfere” with them “doing business”. It is so “convenient” when the child does not bother for 2-3 hours, selflessly playing, it is so convenient to leave him with the computer and grandmother, and go to work, to a friend or somewhere else.

The computer, of course, is not to blame for the fact that "busy" parents use it this way, but we note nevertheless that in case of stupid and excessive use, the disadvantages of the computer much morethan pluses.

They are known - from problems with the physical health of a child to psychological dependence and nervous breakdowns

A child, often sitting at a computer, simply "collapses" communication skills with peers and with other people in general, develops isolation, isolation from real life, and very often, in addition, permissiveness, impulsivity, aggression. computer and "A-social" networks.

We strongly recommend that parents not teach (or even not introduce at all) their children under 6-7 years old with a computer. As a last resort: children's films and cartoons - yes, photographs - yes, but games - no.

And believe me! - in the absence of a computer, children grow up much more developed and adapted to life. It has been tested, including on my own life experience and on the experience of many other families

I admit that they will again argue and talk with me - but games develop, and I will say: others also develop, Non-computer games - and much better. And one more thing: the road to hell is paved with good intentions - to teach to create, to create something, to communicate, one must love in the real, not in the virtual world.

By the way, you don't have to go far for examples of computer addiction and emerging neuroses - there are many of them on the same Internet. On the other hand, I know a little boy 5-6 years old, who threw a tantrum at his grandmother and mother and threw a child's chair at me when his computer was taken away or turned off. Fortunately, we managed to fix that situation in time, weaning, again gradually, from the computer and limiting the time spent with it.

When we meet with our grandchildren, we now play other games - checkers, dominoes, children's bingo, chess, etc. Yes, yes, at the same time we learn to count, and think, and remember.

The third is impossible. Protect children from grossing American films and cartoons (not all, of course), especially from action movies, robots, zombies and other evil spirits.

Children (and our grandchildren at times) play robots en masse, they are well aware of zombies, vampires, monsters, spider-men, mice, "fighting" for good … Where does this attack come from? Honestly, how can you not remember the eternal confrontation between two ideologies - Light and darkness.

The sophisticated creativity and devilish ingenuity of the strategists of the left, destructive wing "impressive" L … Their representatives from among the "creative intelligentsia" learned to act not as rude and straightforward as before, and to approach the programming of children from afar, using the methods of information-psychological warfare …

And there are cartoons like "Monsters on Vacation" or films like "Saga." Twilight "or" Transformers ", etc., where various monsters, vampires, werewolves, etc. are presented as beautiful, loving, innocent, kind and funny creatures, and "kind" robots (unlike the evil ones from the movie "Matrix") are friends with children and help the world, but at the same time they shoot and kill. It turns out interesting - traditionally evil characters do good (as they can), and there are very few really good light films.

Small children mostly remember with pictures, and it is very possible to draw a picture that in order to do good and defeat the villain, they have to be naughty, hurt (films like "Home Alone"), cheat, beat, shoot and kill, etc. etc.

The circle or, rather, the human square has closed - conquering evil by violence, evil is done again. Destructive principles (as opposed to the constructive commandments of God) triumph with all the ensuing consequences in the form of modern child and adult problems in our society.

Or take the "innocent" cartoon Cars. Nothing like that. But again MA-SHI-NY (!) - technocracy. Robots playing human life, chasing success (from the word), sometimes, along the way, doing good (well, it should already be clear to the wise why). Children after this cartoon en masse "get sick" with cars and constantly demand that they buy new cars. What do you think will happen to them in adulthood?

By the way, for some reason, in many Western cartoons (did they not pay attention?) There is a lot of fuss and chaotic movement, the characters often speak in unnatural voices and constantly scream loudly …

Then our children scream

And there are many such examples from films and cartoons.

Well, who needs it so that the consciousness of children from an early age begins to shift from the usual standards of perception of good and evil to the side of evil, and a confusion of these concepts and their principles occurs?.

So that later, when a person has become an adult, he could be given the following information: that evil does not exist, as such, that this is a problem of seeing and perceiving the world only by the person himself, that it is necessary to move away from duality, that there must be tolerance, that, finally, the Commandments outdated, and Christ was generally a mythical character, etc. Isn't that so?.. This is how the foundations collapse human civilization! This is how the stereotypes of people's behavior necessary for "someone" are laid. Of course, it is easier to lay them in childhood, so to speak, to absorb them with mother's milk.

Someone will say: schizophrenia! I will answer: look deeper, discern the hidden causes of what is happening in this world. Few will deny that our society has changed very much over the past 20-30 years, and clearly not for the better - not the least role in this, as one of the instruments of influencing Russia, was played by the American television and film industry.

I myself, by my own example, somehow ran into a problem when my grandchildren came for the holidays. We tried to watch with them some "old" hits, for example, "Mowgli" or "Well, wait a minute!", Also made in USSR.

Viewing went with difficulty. Children (5-7 years old) did not understand the subtext of the prosperous coexistence of man and nature or the meaning of the running of a hare and a wolf without the already familiar fights, shooting, blood, screams, etc. They were clearly more interested in watching action films such as "Transformers" or Harry Potter, and there were "demands" to put these "movies". I had to sweat the first time, explaining the meaning of "Mowgli", and translating it into modern language. In this I, incl. helped "Mowgli" the Disney version, we have to admit that the spoken language has changed a lot lately. And then my children and I “discovered” Russia for them, not America, and our “Heroes” with all their series, “Masha and the Bear”, old, but golden ones, “Vovka in the distant kingdom”, “Fedorino grief”, "The Tale of King Soltan", etc.

We watched slowly (because in our cartoons there is still mostly meaning), explaining some scenes and answering children's questions “and?”. Sometimes they stopped watching and repeated some points again after the discussion. The children liked such a detailed conversation, and they even competed who would better explain the meaning of what they had seen, who understood what and how.

And now the grandchildren are playing heroes and, I noticed, at least in my presence (well, for a start, and this is already good), the children are diligently replacing the clichés imposed by the film and television industry like “he must be killed../ let's kill them../I will kill him to others where these words are not …

Of course, for a couple of weeks of visiting, we did not ignore the high-quality western samples of cartoons (because they have them too J, since, of course, there are creators of good on both sides of the "front") such as "Keepers of Dreams" or "Alice in Wonderland".

In general, before showing a child any cartoon or film, an adult needs to make sure what he is about, what is the ideology of this cartoon / film, what principles he lays down, what purpose he pursues - without these criteria, no cartoons, films, books, or art DOESN'T HAPPEN AT ALL! Hear, if you are not blind or deaf - it does NOT happen

And you did not pay attention to what, what words do your children say? Where does he think they came from?.. Children remember pictures and living examples

Another problem with television is advertising. Many children (and some adults) watch her as if spellbound. Then they say so, because their brains are tightly clogged with this advertisement.

Some parents turn on the TV for their children as often as the computer (so as not to be distracted from work), and they - children - watch everything.

We recommend that you subject to conscientious parental censorship everything that your children (from 3 to 8 years old) watch on television, because it is not for nothing that television has been increasingly called a "zombie box" lately

The positions of destructors (people with a destructive, destructive ideology) on TV are very strong L … It is not without reason that the Duma legally demanded that age restrictions be introduced into the credits of films. But these half measures do not help much, because which of the busy parents, or sometimes “lost” in our crazy world of grandparents, observes these restrictions?

We propose not only to include parental censorship (in the good sense of the word) in relation to “blue, white and digital screens”, but also to limit the time children sit in front of various “boxes”. Let us refer to the "boxes" and the latest achievements of the creators of technocracy - iPhones, tablets, etc. little things , created, among other things, in order to immerse us and our children in virtual reality for as long as possible.

Therefore, we recommend that parents once again be responsible for the upbringing of their children and the formation of their consciousness and the principles of their personality. You should literally and informally understand the popular saying "Children are our future!", The future is not only yours, but also our country.

For example, in our summer house, when our grandchildren are visiting us, we noticed during breakfast or lunch that when the TV is on, children eat with their eyes on the screen, and their thoughts are far from food. Therefore, the first limitation was - turn off the TV during all meals, the second - turn off the TV as a familiar background that accompanies everyday affairs all day.

And how is this with you?

The fourth is impossible. If you want to raise your children to love you and other people, you DO NOT (!) Rely entirely on either the kindergarten or the school, completely entrusting your children to these institutions.

You need to allocate time and attention to your child personally: to work with him, play with him (including role-playing games that require thinking), sculpt, draw, build, discuss events in his life, watched films and read fairy tales. Let it be only 1 or 2 hours a day, but with 100% return to it, no more distractions. So, for example, a good person taught me when I told him that I was busy and I didn’t have enough time. The universal law of cause-and-effect relationships says: you allocate, invest time - you will be allocated time in the future. Francis of Assisi read in one of his prayers: "For whoever gives, he receives, whoever forgets himself, he receives …". This is part of the very Law of Retribution that Christ spoke of.

At the same time, one cannot be dry with a child - this is a common misfortune for many parents - their dryness, callousness, alienation. This provokes, according to the Law of cause-effect, and in the child - dryness, callousness, alienation.

We all need to learn to love with our heart, delve into, listen, caress and thank! More often you need to say: "I love you", then your child will tell you: "I love you."

Honestly, it’s so beautiful and touching when a 5-year-old kid, after finishing a telephone conversation, says to you: “I love you mom../ dad../ grandfather…”.

But there is another extreme - to allow everything and pamper your child, indulge his whims. Very soon, the developed little ego will sit on your neck, and in the future it will create big problems for itself and for you. Best of all, Saint-Exupery told about the balance of love in "The Little Prince", this is a story about one star who loved very much:

5. You can not scold a child because of his bad mood or his own incontinence, or, not understanding the reasons for the act of the little man, you can't shout not only on the child, but also to arrange showdown scenes with the wife / husband / mom / dad and other relatives in front of the child, which, unfortunately, often happens in everyday life.

The Universal Law of Learning, picked up by modern psychology, says: children (and people, in particular) are the best at remembering and do not what they are told, but what the speakers themselves do, i.e. what children see. Hence the best teaching by example.

So you should think about what example we set with you, as parents, in some everyday situations. Recently I watched one of these examples on the bus - a young mother began to get off at a bus stop and hurried her son, about five or six years old, although, to be honest, there was nowhere much to rush. The child began to climb over the seat mountings, stumbled and fell. To help him, to give him a hand, or at least to support him verbally, but my mother literally started yelling at him, blaming the fact that he was so awkward and “playing around again”.

Often mothers shout that the baby like “can't walk”, or “doesn't look under his feet”, or fell down and “got his pants dirty”, etc. etc. Some also spank a child for a penny right on the street - disgusting sight and severe psychological trauma! It is not difficult to imagine - and if such a mom or dad is properly spanked on the street in public in front of their own children, how will they feel?..

For some reason, it is sometimes believed that such outrageousness can be done with a child, they say, "he is still a child"! Often such parents are also indignant: “Don't interfere! This is my child!". Think about it, they speak of property. Absolutely wild ignorance, not regulated by law in Russia.

I would like to ask: are pants really more expensive than the future psychological stability, and even the mental health of your son or daughter?

I also know of such a case when a 3-year-old boy was scolded by his parents for shitting in his pants. The child began to hide under the table, in all corners of the apartment, when he wanted to go to the toilet, and cried, and still pooped in his pants, and was afraid of this. It turned out that he had constipation for several days, and then he simply could not restrain himself.

This situation was corrected by affection and qualified medical help. But absolutely normal parents with their own hands almost created a strong psychological complex for their son due to the inability to listen to the child, to delve into what he says, asks, what he complains about.

A serious problem today is the educational / psychological illiteracy of many parents and their eternal races at work, when there is no proper care for their children and there is no time to even listen to them.

I saw such an example: in the village, they removed the nipples from all 4 wheels of the car twice in a week. Finally, we managed to catch the kid - he, of course, was older (grade 5) than those we are writing about in this article, but small in stature and puny. Since the boy was desperately lying about his home address (apparently, he was afraid of his parents), we took him to school. The "teacher" quickly identified the boy and, in front of everyone in the teacher's room, began to loudly, turning to shout, sneeze the boy, along the way telling us the whole "truth" about him, that this is "the most disgraceful in the whole school", that he "already needs to be handed over to the police." that he does not obey, behaves disgustingly, etc. etc. I asked her to stop and asked to talk to the kid myself.

The conversation was short:

- Did I do anything bad at all, no?

The boy nodded his head negatively.

- And then why are you doing bad to me 2 times already?.. I have nowhere to buy these nipples (there is no such store in the village), I couldn't leave today, the car is still there …

- I did not know that you no longer have.

- HM. I didn’t know … I took off 8 of them in total … Do I have a nipple manufacturing plant in a barn?.. Why do you need them?

- The guys and I are changing.

- Yeah. I know how you change … You lower some of the wheels, take off the reflectors of others … You just behave like that, you do shit to people, and you don't know … Have you ever heard such a word?

The kid nodded his head.

- So you do it, like "not knowing." What to do with you, they advise you to give to the police … Then, probably, you will know …

- Don't be uncle, my mother will beat me.

- And what do you suggest?

- I will return everything to you.

- When?

- Tomorrow, after school.

“And you won’t unscrew any more, right?

Then the "teacher" intervened: "Do not believe him, he always lies, he will not give anything away - this is a pathological liar!"

But I firmly said: "Well, why, I BELIEVE HIM, because he himself suggested it, right?"

The boy nodded his head.

- And if the kid said - the kid did, right? The man's word!

The boy nodded his head again.

- So when will you bring it?

- Tomorrow…

- What time?

- After school…

- Okay.

I said again: “I believe in those. So we agreed. Let's go! " - and to the teacher - "No need for the police." The “teacher” looked at me condescendingly and with regret, and even managed to shout something after the boy, threatening with more punishments.

The kid came the next day and brought all the nipples and caps, honestly, and even extra. I praised him for keeping his word and let him go home.

But the next day his mother brought him to me again, saying that she was told about everything from school, and so she came to find out what happened and whether her son gave me what he took. Like, he told her that he gave, but she does not believe, she thought that he was lying.

I just have to throw up my hands … Well, after all, anyone, let alone a child, an adult, can be beaten, completely shut up

This is exactly what happens in practice with many children. Often ignorant parents themselves put their hand to the future problems of their children, and other teachers do not even have that very “rudiment of understanding of education”. Very sad.

6. You can not stuff a child with chemical pills at the slightest cold, except in extreme cases, and then - by prescription. It should be remembered that doctors are also different. It is necessary to choose those specialists who use sparing treatment, combining pharmaceuticals (allopathy) with homeopathy, herbs, vitamins. We went through all this with my grandson, when one young mother did not want to listen to anything and, instead of strengthening the immune system with natural remedies and appropriate physical procedures, relied on antibiotics and other medications as a miracle, and used them at the first symptoms of cough and fever. The result was earned dysbiosis and subsequent long-term treatment.

You can not give the child water from the tap and feed its various "poisons", which are sold in our stores, as goodies and other goodies. There is no way to list all the pseudo-inventions of mankind in the food sector, the purpose of which is to create an addiction and, after that, a disease. A long row will turn out, but we will designate the directions anyway.

These are various colas, and lemonades (think about it! - 8 teaspoons of sugar per glass in these drinks, would you put so much in tea?), And chips, and crackers, and some yoghurts, and gum, and a lot of sweets (especially harmful " Snickers "and" Mars ", etc.), and fast food, etc. etc

Parents need to improve their nutritional literacy and try to give their child more vegetables, fruits, cereals, dairy products. We should get used to reading the compositions on the packaging of products (what the manufacturer puts in them) and know about the vitamins and microelements necessary for the body. The basic principle in nutrition is less artificial - more natural, produced by nature or based on natural raw materials or components

And of course, you can't keep a child in the city all the time, sit with him in 4 walls, especially in the summer. It is imperative to travel with him to nature regularly, so that he breathes and walks in the fresh air, fueled by clean energy. In the summer, you need to send him to the village or to a summer country camp.

Outdoors, in the fresh and clean air, water and ecologically clean food, children gain strength for the whole year.

7. Parents often ask the question: is it possible to punish a child? Again, I will refer, in particular, to the story from A. Saint-Exupery. This whole question fits into one word - why? For what purpose? What purpose are you pursuing when you want to punish a child? For the purpose of upbringing - yes, but more often, with the aim of frustrating your emotions, your evil out of habit?

Children are different, respectively, and the methods of education are different. The best upbringing by your own example, affection and heart-to-heart talk, sometimes, as with an adult. It is more necessary to explain, explain, speak, ask and listen than to compel, compel, demand.

But there are times when you need to show firmness and punish … You can deprive something pleasant, tasty, you can sit on a chair (not in a corner!) And offer to think, you can refuse a request of some kind, on some hyperactive shkodniks you can raise your voice and demonstrate severity in intonation, in exceptional cases, deliberate and repetitive pampering, it is even possible to slap a little on the pope (I know a boy who repeatedly repeats this or that mischief in order to provoke an adult's reaction, and did not react to requests to stop being naughty, but even more mischievous).

It is important to remember that even if you slap the child on the butt, then you still have to talk, explain, convince him about what is good and what is bad, otherwise there is no sense in spanking, except for evil

Personally, for example, I tell my grandson, in response to his whim or rudeness, that I am very upset and will not play with him, although I love him very much, and that he knows about it, but you cannot offend a grandfather or a woman and something like that.. P. The grandson is sometimes even more capricious (well, of course, he is trying to insist), but I firmly adhere to my position and keep silent or repeat the "I love you" technique. After a while (3-5 minutes) he himself rushes to hug my neck.

BUT IN ANY OCCASION, CHILDREN SHOULD NOT BEATED AND DEGREED

8. It is impossible to take care of the child too, controlling his every step, it is forbidden prevent him from making mistakes and losing. You must teach your child not only to win, to win, but also to lose, otherwise nervous breakdowns in adulthood are guaranteed.

9. It is impossible scold the child because of his bad mood or his own incontinence, or not at all understanding the reasons for the act of the little man. You cannot shout not only at the child, but also arrange showdown scenes with your wife / husband / mom / dad and other relatives in front of the child, which, unfortunately, often happens in everyday life.

10. You can’t say “no” every now and then. Parents must learn to say "Yes!" In 99 cases, when they usually say “no”, this has no serious basis, but only a demonstration of power. Sometimes you find it difficult to accept the vision of children - because you yourself have lost it! For example, a child tries to climb a branchy tree - what will you do?.. Say no again? And if he bends and breaks branches?

There are many "no" and all of them cannot be enumerated, a whole book will have to be written. You can't still, for example:

- DO NOT allow the child to express their own point of view, which is different from yours, - DO NOT allow sometimes to be naughty (including running, jumping, screaming, although I seem to have written about the opposite recently) - children need mobility, and somewhere they need to put their emotions and energy, because they have more of them than in adults, - DO NOT allow the child to make mistakes (including falling, stumbling, forgetting, doing wrong, etc.) - he must develop his own experience of mistakes, - DO NOT allow him to visit and bring guests to your house sometimes - the child somehow copies the actions of an adult in this world, but the main thing is that he needs to learn to establish communication with other people …

- You can’t say “Do it, I told whom!”, And do not explain anything at the same time. Explain to your child the reasons for your behavior. Involve the child in decision-making, consult with him. It is known that in families where parents are too strict, children often grow up to be aggressive, disobedient, “difficult”. Times are changing, and if earlier the basis of morality was fear, now its place should be taken by conscious respect.

- Therefore, you must not in any way allow children to insult you with words or actions. Children should be polite to you - both because you are a person, and because you are a mother or father, and not only with you, but also with other adults. You often see when a 6-8-year-old boy refers to a completely adult uncle by his name and you. What, interestingly, do the parents want to lay this permissiveness in the child's behavior? As always, did you think what would happen next?..

- You cannot read long notations. One short and firm remark is much more effective for a child than a whole tantrum from mom or a monologue from dad.

- You can not get personal when you make remarks to a child. It is better to say “I don’t like / I don’t like it when you break cups from an expensive service” than “You are so awkward (naughty, stupid, etc.)”.

Finally, the most important thing is that it is NOT possible not to lay down the principle of morality and morality (spirituality) to a child from an early age. In another way - what is good and what is bad (for example, as in V. Mayakovsky's famous children's poem). Otherwise, the street, the kindergarten, the school will lay them down as they can

Unfortunately, more often than not, it doesn't. And YOU - parents will reap from this, and we will scold, as usual, all the others …

In order to learn to understand what cannot be done with children, and what can be done, an adult needs to be guided by his heart and mind and remember the goals of the Universe, God (no matter how anyone gets sick from this word) - that your child is not really yours, and certainly not your property. It is a Soul that has come to our world to receive its lessons and its training, and the Universe has chosen you as a teacher for this young soul. So justify this trust and invest with all your heart, all your skill, all your patience in the upbringing of a new person.

To be continued…

Doc Stefan