The Dalai Lama's advice to those in despair

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

Sometimes we feel desperate. It can be caused by intense grief, and it can also act as a defensive reaction against disappointment or heartache. This is not easy to deal with. Here are some profound thoughts from His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama to help calm your mind and heart during difficult times.

You can always ask for help

In the Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama says: people living in big cities are very busy. Although they see each other regularly and may have known each other for several years, this is not true human intimacy. And when trouble occurs, people feel very lonely, because there is no one to turn to for help and support. But we all belong to the same human race. There are no strangers. It is worth seeing each other, looking into the face of any person, and we understand that we are facing a brother or sister. It doesn't matter if we know each other or not, you can always smile and say, "Hello."

When you lose loved ones, know: you are not alone in your suffering.

The Dalai Lama recalled the famous Buddhist parable of a woman whose child died. Disconsolate in her grief, she carried him around the world, begging people to cure him. So she came to Buddha and began to beg him for help. The Buddha replied that he would help if the woman brought mustard seeds to prepare a potion. The woman was delighted, but then the Buddha added that the grains must be taken from the house, where no one had ever died. The woman went around all the houses in search of mustard seeds that would help her son, but found that the inhabitants of each survived the death of a parent, spouse or child. Seeing that she was not alone in her suffering, she found the strength to bury the baby in the forest and ease her grief.

Death is part of life

Many people experience intense fear when they think about death. It must be admitted that death is a part of life. There is a beginning and there is an end. And as soon as we agree that this is normal and sooner or later death will come, the attitude towards it will immediately change. Some are embarrassed when asked about their age, or pretend that they are younger than they really are. It is foolish to deceive yourself. We have to be realistic.

Think of hardship and suffering as a reason to appreciate moments of joy.

"Even tragedy is fraught with possibilities." The implication of this Tibetan proverb is that the true nature of happiness can only be discerned in the light of painful experiences. Only a sharp contrast with painful experiences teaches us to appreciate the moments of joy. This can be seen from the example of a whole generation that had to endure great difficulties. When the African people found freedom, the hearts of the people were filled with great joy. But the next generation, born in a country cleared of apartheid, is unfamiliar with the true joy of freedom. Therefore, they complain about life much more often.

Don't think too much of yourself.

- A person with a kind heart is always completely relaxed. If you live in fear and consider yourself special, different from others, you automatically withdraw emotionally from those around you. This is how the foundation for alienation and loneliness is laid. Therefore, I never consider myself special - even when I speak in front of a large crowd of people. When meeting people, I always emphasize that we are all the same. A thousand people are like one. Ten thousand, one hundred thousand - intellectually, emotionally and physically, all are arranged the same. If you think so, all barriers disappear. And my mind remains completely calm and relaxed. If I get too focused on myself, considering myself the chosen one, it will cause anxiety and I will start to get nervous.

By developing generosity and the ability to empathize, we create a more positive and friendly atmosphere around, we begin to see friends everywhere. If we are filled with fear and mistrust, people will keep their distance from us. They, too, will have a desire to be cautious, suspicious and distrustful. And after that, loneliness will come.

Rejoice in the good luck of others

There is an old parable from the time of Buddha. One day the king invited him and the monks to dinner.

On the way to the palace, the Buddha met a beggar praising the king. He described the beauty of the palace with a smile. The royal servants served a meal with many courses, and it was time for the food initiation ritual. The Buddha recited a prayer dedicated to merit, that is, good karma, from the offering of food. But instead of, according to custom, thanking the host - the king, who treated the Buddha and the monks with a lavish dinner, he dedicated a prayer to the beggar standing outside. One of the senior monks in amazement asked the Buddha why he had done this. The Buddha replied that the king is full of pride and boasts of his gifts, and the beggar, who has nothing, rejoiced at the king's luck. For this reason, his merit is higher.

Compassion should be the driving force in your life.

- There was a monk named Loponla. The Chinese military imprisoned him and tortured him. He spent eighteen years in prison. After his release, he came to me in India and for the last years he lived in my house, in the Namgyal monastery. He told me that all this time he was afraid of only one thing. I thought he would talk about some kind of danger that threatened his life, brutal torture and the like, but no! He was horrified by the possible loss of compassion for the jailers - Loponla never stopped cultivating and maintaining love for all living things, including his tormentors.

In The Revolution of Compassion, the Dalai Lama explains that it is not at all necessary to endure torture, to be a monk, Buddhist, Tibetan, and so on in order to cultivate the same boundless, all-encompassing and loving compassion. Everyone can do it.

There are many good things in the world. Remember this

- When something bad happens, it immediately hits the news. That is why, probably, everyone thinks that the true nature of man is to kill, to rape, to be corrupt. So it seems to us that humanity has no future. When we watch the news, we must always have the big picture in mind. Yes, terrible things happen. Undoubtedly, there is a lot of bad going on in the world, but a lot of good too! One must be aware of how disproportionately evil is presented in the news. Then there will be no reason to fall into despair looking at all the depressing things that are happening in the world.

See things wider

Each life event can be viewed from several points of view. You look from one side, and it seems: oh, how bad everything is, everything is sad. But it is worth looking at the same tragedy, the same event from the other side, and you understand that thanks to it, new opportunities have opened up.

In her memoir, Auschwitz survivor Edith Eger tells a story. She once visited two soldiers at the William Beaumont Military Medical Center in Fort Bliss. Both of them had their legs paralyzed due to wounds received in the battle. The diagnosis is the same, the prognosis is the same. The first veteran, Tom, lay in a fetal position, complaining about life and mourning fate. The second, Chuck, got out of bed and sat in a wheelchair; he said he felt like he was given a second chance. Riding in a carriage through the garden, he said that he was now closer to flowers and could look into the eyes of children.

The main source of happiness lies within you. Find him

- The main source of happiness is hidden inside. Money, power and status have nothing to do with it. I have billionaire friends and they are very unhappy. Power and wealth do not bring peace of mind. What is achieved in the outer world will not give true inner joy. It must be sought in the heart.

Alas, many obstacles that prevent us from enjoying life and being happy are built by ourselves. Often, the reason is the mind's tendency to negativism, impulsiveness and inability to see and use its inner resources. We cannot avoid suffering from natural disasters, but we can make sure that minor everyday problems do not affect us. More often than not, we ourselves are the creators of our experiences and, logically, we can be the creators of our own happiness. It all depends only on perception, the ability to look at things differently, reactions to events and relationships with people.

“Everyone can do a lot to feel happy” - such kind words. Truth?