9 discoveries about parenting

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

9 discoveries about parenting from a person who worked in an orphanage

1. Pity is the worst feeling that can be felt for a person, especially for an orphan child.

When you hear the phrase “pathetic person,” how do you imagine him? Probably, this is an interesting, somewhat talented child, full of strength and hopes for a bright future? Something doesn't fit, right? So, they feel sorry for miserable people, and they sympathize with everyone else, empathize and help with deeds, not words.

Discovery # 1 happened when I got to know these children better. As a student at a pedagogical university, in my third year I did camp practice. Among other health institutions was the Seagull camp, which belonged to a children's boarding school, and by chance I ended up there. Going to visit the orphans was a little anxious, exciting, more because everyone who found out about it, as if in collusion were repeating the same thing: “Oh, these are poor orphans, you will feel sorry for them, you will cry, looking at them. And you know what? I didn’t feel sorry for them, at all. Very quickly I realized that even the youngest of them are stronger than me. Each of them, getting into such an institution, experienced something that may be beyond the power of not only a child at home, but not every adult. They are strong, courageous, witty, cheerful and cheerful, how can there be a desire to feel sorry for them? No, definitely just admire and rejoice at their successes!

2. Children in 2-3 years old can eat, dress and even try to make the bed on their own.

I mainly worked with the age group from 6 to 12, but I had to spend one month with the toddlers. I didn't have my own experience, that is, my own children. Therefore, I thought it was in the order of things when children are so independent. Discovery # 2 caught up with me on another shift, when I was waiting in the hall of the school for my children to change their clothes and scatter to the classes. I saw such a picture. There is a boy of about 12 years old, rather tall and strong, and his mother pulls up his pants. Mum. Pants. Tightens up. I stood and recalled how my beautiful bass gipsy two years old pulled my hand when I tried to help her to fasten the buttons on the dress, she was ashamed, you see, she was. Probably not to him.

3. In a child-adult couple, someone will definitely manipulate others.

And the younger the child, the better he is at it. Do you know why? Because the elder will once again think whether he will cause inconvenience to the adult with his behavior, well, or he is just well-mannered and will not deliberately scoff. Kids just don't understand such nuances, that's why I had a case that became discovery number 3. The first day at the shelter ended for me with tears and a nervous tic. I just could not cope with ten angels, who, as soon as they realized that I was a very kind aunt and you could twist ropes from me, turned six hours of work into hell. The quiet hour became the apogee. These shameless little ones walked on their heads, jumped on the beds and laughed slyly, as they felt my weakness. Remember pity? So I went to replace them, pitying them, because they seemed to me so defenseless and harmless, but in vain. In general, you need to understand whether you are the boss or the subordinate, otherwise there is no way.

4. Command tone is best learned before the moment comes when you need it.

This is another memory associated with babies. Ask how I managed to overcome all difficulties and finish the month in love and harmony with these monsters, sorry, lambs? The answer is opening # 4 - command tone. Just do not confuse it with angry or irritated yelling at the child. They only talk about the impotence of an adult and will not help. Command tone is strength. Look directly in the eyes, speak slowly, not too loudly, and most importantly, in a low voice. This is the very last resort when you feel that they want to manipulate you.

5. The first thing to give the child when he has a fever is just to drink water.

Once, on an evening round, a nurse discovered that several children had a slight fever. For some of them, this was the real beginning of a cold, but the rest had enough water to cool down, and the temperature dropped by 1-2 degrees. Discovery number 5 made it clear that a hot forehead and the absence of other symptoms of poor health may indicate a banal overheating, dehydration.

6. Most of all, children value hugs, kisses and time to talk with them heart to heart than expensive things, travel, food, and so on.

Orphanages and similar institutions, although supported by government money, usually have sponsors. Therefore, these children have clothes, toys, they go to exhibitions, master classes, theaters, etc. But this is not the main thing, it is not at all. Discovery # 6 was not a specific situation, just believe me, if a child is worried about the question "Who is stronger: Spider-Man or Ninja Turtle", you need to seriously approach the answer. If he wants to hug you, and you are busy with something, then you need to hug.

7. Authority can be lost by saying one thing and doing another.

I have never done this and I do not advise you. Losing the respect of a teenager means only one thing - you will never get what you want from him. He will neither hear you, nor share anything important and will very quickly find someone you can trust.

8. Without daily outdoor games in the fresh air, you will get a difficult capricious child.

There are no easy children in shelters, they are all difficult there. Maybe when one or two, you can still be patient, but when you have 12 guys from 6 to 12 years old begin to bore you, you can just stop controlling the situation at one moment, and expect trouble. If the weather was bad and we didn’t go for a walk, I was always saved by the phrase “Well, which of you will squeeze out more?” or "I wonder who is the strongest in our group?" After 30 minutes of push-ups, sit-ups, and so on, my tomboys were much more willing to quietly read a book.

9. Genetics is a powerful thing, but the amount of attention and the right approach to education can be stronger than it.

When I was working with girls of the middle group, that is, from 6 to 12 years old, a hurricane girl came to us one day. Her hair was cut to fit a boy's, her front tooth was missing, and in general she looked a little like a girl. She was simply torn away, you can't put it another way, she drove both children and adults crazy, and she herself was only 6 years old. There was a wild fire in her eyes, and outdoor games didn't help much, to be honest. Of course, over time, she cut herself a little, but all the same then everyone said - genetics, they say, there is nothing to be done, she was born a hooligan, and will remain a hooligan. And then after some time she was taken to a foster family. And about a year later, at one of the matinees, this girl acted as a guest. I didn't recognize her right away. It was a different person. A modest, calm, neat and polite little miss who diligently recited a poem. Such reincarnations happened within our walls, it is just that the most special children need a little more time and attention, which, alas, were not always possible in the conditions of the teachers changing three times a day.

Playing with the children, showing them tricks, braiding their braids, listening to their problems, solving their conflicts - all this was my job, although this was not written in the job description. There was that I should do homework with them, monitor their health and generally fulfill the schedule.

Raising a child is a much more significant process than making money. If you have time to work, but do not have time for all these important little things, then find the strength to admit to yourself that you are just a breadwinner.

Well-fed, well-dressed and attending various sections, children can also be in orphanages. Do not forget to give yours the most important thing - love, care and attention.

Karina Brazhnik