Mars attacks - who is to blame for the failures of Elon Musk and Tesla

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

And again, our dear readers, on the air - the heading "Innovation for suckers", and its invariable hero Elon Musk! This time we will not tell you about chocolate factories, hyper, sorry, magnifiers, zombie flamethrowers and the Pravda project, but something really interesting. Sit back, get ready to be horrified.

After Tesla reported its unprofitable quarter for the fifth time, and it was decided to lay off nine percent of employees in order to cut costs and delay bankruptcy, even in a head drugged with the most vigorous optimism, some, let's say, suspicions may arise … Not good. Similar to the intuition of rats in a sinking ship. Similar suspicions of the post offices probably began to appear in our "illegitimate grandson of Edison." But then he was incredibly lucky - just at the moment when a terribly unpleasant question began to loom on the border of his consciousness, an unexpectedly pertinent fact was revealed, and Elon shouted joyfully: “Who is a moron? I'm a moron ?! No, I'm not a moron, but spies, saboteurs and ENEMIES are to blame for everything!"

This is exactly how it was. The layoff of workers and the end of the fifth non-profitable quarter with record losses coincided strikingly with the discovery of a “mole” in Tesla, which, it turns out, is to blame for everything! A fired and spiteful renegade, a geek, a traitor to the innovation community!

Doesn't this resemble Orwell's Animal Farm? “Yes, the mill was finished - the fruit of their long labors no longer existed: the mill collapsed right down to its foundations, and the stones were scattered. Unable to utter a word, they stood, gazing gloomily at the remnants of the walls. Napoleon paced back and forth in silence, sniffing at the ground from time to time. His hardened tail twitched from side to side - Napoleon thought hard. Suddenly he stopped, as if a thought had struck him.

“Comrades,” he said quietly, “do you know who should be responsible for what they have done? Do you know the name of the enemy who, sneaking up at night, destroyed the mill? It's Snowball! - Suddenly he barked in a thunderous voice. - This is Snowball's business! Full of anger, he decided to thwart our plans and avenge his shameful exile. This traitor crept up on us under cover of night and destroyed the work of a whole year."

How it reminds! Our "Napoleon of the underworld scientific world" extremely timely found the extreme for all his failures, blunders and crashes.

The role of "enemy number one" was assigned to a certain Martin Tripp, who at some point came to a complete, um, shock, from how low-quality batteries are put into Mask's electric cars and what terrible consequences this can lead to. "For example, Tripp said that punctured batteries were used in some Model 3 cars, but they are never used in our cars," Tesla said.

Tripp himself quite reasonably replied that "Putting defective cars with safety problems on the road is terrible!" And it can be understood, the right word! For those who are not quite aware of the whole nightmare of the words "punctured lithium battery", here is a very expressive video:

Would you like to drive such a car? On "safe" as a barrel of nitroglycerin? So Martin Tripp at some point stopped wishing the clients of his company such a sad outcome.

Moreover, Tesla really burns very fervently - and we are not only talking about the photo at the beginning of the article.

But Musk, of course, said with incredible pathos: "As you know, there is a fairly large list of companies that want Tesla to die," and wrote his former engineer to the "big business hirers."What kind of "enemies" hired the "saboteur", he did not specify, but we have an insider!

Breathe deeper, dear readers, it is not easy to believe in it, but the fact is the fact - Elon Musk, the fearless conqueror of the depths of the stars and dusty paths of distant planets, aliens want to stop. They are afraid of a daring inventor who defied time and space! They know that the day is not far off when earthlings under the banner of "Tesla" will go beyond the borders of their planet, and the first object of their expansion has already been chosen - this is Mars.

Through hypnotic hallucinations, they infiltrated the head of a man with the speaking surname "Tripp" (trip - literally "trip", in jargon - "fantastic glitches under LSD, mushrooms and other substances") and ordered him to thwart Musk's plans! Most likely, not the last role in the transition of the Martians to decisive actions was played by the Tesla that flew past their planet - from the point of view of Martian aesthetics, a monstrously tasteless piece of iron of an indecent red color.

Musk, in turn, is aware of the plans of his enemies and is preparing in alliance with the Pentagon to conquer Mars: “The US Department of Defense has ordered the launch of Falcon Heavy from SpaceX, according to the US military. The contract value is $ 130 million. The launch of the world's only active super-heavy missile with a secret load AFSPC-52 is scheduled for September 2020.

Will Elon's adventurism trigger the first interplanetary war? And who will be the winner? Musk, stop!