Love and infantilism

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

She has everything that should be long: legs, hair, nails. She has rounded everything that should be rounded (out of modesty, we will not list). She goes on dates without underwear, so she has a mysterious smile on her face and a sexy aura enveloping her from head to toe. She earns decent money and looks stylish. She radiates extremely positive energy. We can say that everything is beautiful in her: her face, her thoughts, her soul, her clothes. But she does not stop, she continuously improves all this! She already possesses "positive thinking", that is, cuts off any negative feelings and thoughts that visit her. And I almost learned to love myself.

There is nothing else left for her. Because she has no one to love besides herself. For all her merits, she just does not manage to get married. She begins to suspect that real men are extinct. And I am already ready to go to study at the “school of bitches”.

This is a portrait of a modern young lady of marriageable age from 20 to 50 years old. There are more and more of them, equally lonely "clever girls and beauties" who dream of finding their female happiness. And the first who responded to the groan of lonely hearts was the Market. Programs and talk shows about love and family appeared. Glamorous literature is replete with advice: where to find a husband, how to catch him and under what sauce to prepare for marriage. But psychological training is especially rampant. Directly "dream factory", stamping "dolls" on one pattern.

I remember how in elementary school we were taken to a toy factory. There was a shop where plastic dolls were made. They were glued together from two halves. On the left lay a pile of ass, on the right - with faces. A factory worker, without looking, took half on the left, half on the right, hop - and that's it. Further, absolutely identical, eyeless, mouthless dolls crawled along the conveyor for coloring.

Perhaps psychological training is guided by the same principle: be standard, and you will easily find your soul mate?

In recent years, the letters that come to my site are all on one topic: how to achieve happiness in your personal life. Some complain about fate, others about men, but absolutely everyone wants simple recipes: what kind of relationship with men should you be like - brave and active or soft and expectant? What strategy should you take to keep him from slipping away? How to "put the squeeze" on a man before marriage? And the main question: which "dolls" are in the greatest demand now?

The therapist is always a little clairvoyant. I can predict the fate of their authors by the ambitions and claims that come through in the letters. No love shines for them. No love, no happiness. … Never.

Because most modern young ladies of marriageable age and their potential suitors are struck by a very dangerous disease. His name is infantilism, and he confidently walks across the planet. Neither a playboy nor an innocent maiden is immune from him, there is no medicine from him, but he cripples lives and ruins lives.

You need to know the enemy by sight. I will try to explain what kind of plague it is that has become so widespread in our time. Carl Gustav Jung will help me with this.

An Infant is an adult person according to his passport, but with childish values and attitudes. And infantilism is terrible in that it does not allow a person to grow to a Personality. Infant's ideas about the world, people, life are simplified and flattened. And if the Personality lives in the real world, then the Infant lives in the illusory one. The personality sees life as complex and multidimensional. The Infante presents her as a kind of kinder surprise. You just need to understand which side to unfold, and then you will find solid chocolate and a nice little present inside.

A person learns from his own and others' mistakes. The Infante, stepping on the same rake, is surprised every time.

The personality is trying to comprehend the laws of life. The Infante craves recipes, tips and diagrams.

The person wants to understand what is happiness for her. The Infante is guided by the "so is it" principle.

Over the years, the personality becomes deeper, more interesting, smarter. The Infante does not change.

The personality creates its own life. The Infante can only imitate. Therefore, all the Infants are stuffed to the eyeballs with stamps. For different occasions: from simple - what to wear to serious - what to think, how to live.

Indeed, our well-fed and calm time gave rise to such a number of clones that the Soviet government could not dream of in the happiest dream. Homo sapiens was rapidly reborn into a standard Man …

Infants' concept of love is close to Disney cartoons. They want a man to be easy, warm, fun and pleasant with him. To provide, take care and protect. That he was smart, beautiful, spiritually delicate, generous, with a sense of humor and, of course, rich … That is, a vacuum cleaner, refrigerator and washing machine in one bottle. It would be nice if this miracle of technology could also sing a lullaby.

And for this she promises to devote her best years to him, to give affection, love and stimulate to even greater achievements.

He's lying! An infantile person is capable of maximum infatuation. The feelings of the infants can be compared to a Bengal fire, which quickly flares up, burns brightly and just as quickly goes out. Looking at the charred stick, the Infante decides that he was again unlucky. Perhaps this is why infants cannot have a serious relationship with anyone for a long time. They blame it on the difference in tastes, temperaments, on circumstances … But the point is quite different. The Infante is too absorbed in himself and his own interests. He, like a small child, is not able to truly deeply and subtly feel another person. Its main value remains the satisfaction of its own needs - for protection, warmth, saturation (K. Jung). That is why every second young lady assures that only in marriage can she feel protected.

By the way, the Infant will never say: I don't understand people. He says: people do not understand me.

Thus, the Infant does not see the world around him, but invents. However, he invents himself. Creates in his imagination a certain image, far from reality.

Probably, everyone in the environment has a person who, in childhood, was taught by relatives how talented and extraordinary he was. The life of such a person, as a rule, does not add up, and his fate never turns out to be what he sees it (Jung). And all because his fantasies about his own dazzle do not correspond to reality in any way.

Today, psychological trainings and popular psychological literature have taken on the role of crippling relatives. It will explain to you what a treasure you must feel to be successful. You must believe that you are a charming, attractive and downright loving darling! So what if there is no confirmation of this … Away with doubts and fears, away with smart and sober thoughts - they are not positive.

Modern men are no less childish than women. It would seem, what is the problem? The Infante met with the Infanta, they have the same values, why shouldn't they get married? But no, they, like negatively charged electrons, repel each other!

The fact is that they have one and the same flaw: the immature psyche of any infant is characterized by an unconscious spontaneous defense against responsibility (Jung).

A young lady who has convinced herself that she is a gift that can decorate the life of any man, in fact, she needs to find someone who can sit on her neck. Who would have kept her, protected her, never ceasing to understand … And why does an infant man need this burden? Life in our time is not a problem; from a practical point of view, a woman is not needed in the household. And the young ladies around a dime a dozen. You can have a great time together - while he is comfortable with this young lady. And while she does not get him with marriage.

If, nevertheless, the Infants got married, life together will be based on the principles of who "manipulates whom". Add here immature emotionality and, as a result, coldness and indifference to other people's problems, pain and joy. "Chained by one chain", they live together and at the same time do not see, do not understand, do not respect each other. However, they are considered a normal family. There are so many such marriages!

And now I have to grieve all those who are sitting up in brides. There are real men, but tell me, why does a living person need a doll?

I wonder where the legend came from that all people marry and marry solely for love? There is a sex drive. There is passion. There is "I like him (she)." There is a fear of being alone. There is "so it should be." There are common interests or social circle … Love has something to do with it ?!

In fact, most people need a partner to live together. There is nothing wrong. So 100 years ago, both nobles and peasants got married. But in order to marry in this way, one needs sobriety of thought and elementary honesty, which the Infant is not capable of. I remember how a very simple woman described her marriage to me: “My husband respects me - I am an economic one. And I respect him - he rarely drinks, his hands are golden, and what will never talk to me, so I'll go to my neighbor. Cynically? No, honestly.

This is probably how most marriages are made. However, the most frequently mentioned word in letters is "love." And everyone is waiting for love! Ready for it! They just haven't had any luck yet …

An old tale. A well-sold myth. Sweet illusion. Bullshit.

Listen, not everyone is even capable of music or math. I'm not talking about "Dog Waltz" and not about simple arithmetic operations, but about real music and higher mathematics. And what about love, for everyone?

There is love, but it is not for the infants. This is an adult feeling. You cannot buy it, you cannot get it by pull, you cannot steal it, you cannot take it away, you cannot beg. One can only mature before him. Grow up!

I can tell you one proven remedy, which is never mentioned in glamorous literature, so as not to frighten the reader: only pain can make a person change. So, the pain of your own stupidity makes you grow wiser, the pain of your coldness makes you warm. The Infante, like the devil of incense, is afraid of suffering.

Therefore, the lonely “clever and beautiful woman” has no choice but to follow the commandment “Stay as you are” of the famous song. She is cold and scared, she is aging, but remains "as is."

I will end with Jung's words: the Infant cannot allow himself to come face to face with life - because he will see that his life is empty. And he runs away from this meeting. On the one hand, a gray existence, on the other, an abyss: the possible horror of meeting life.

Article author: Evgeniya Belyakova