Donor

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

He sat down next to me in line for a therapist. The line dragged on slowly, it was impossible to read in the dark corridor, I was already tired, so when he turned to me, I was even delighted.

- Have you been waiting for a long time?

“For a long time,” I replied. - I've been sitting for the second hour.

- Aren't you on a coupon?

- According to the coupon, - I answered sadly. - Only here they skip the line all the time.

“Don’t let it in,” he suggested.

“I don’t have the strength to argue with them,” I admitted. - And so I barely dragged myself here.

He looked at me carefully and asked sympathetically:

- Donor?

- Why "donor"? - I was surprised. - No, I'm not a donor …

- Donor donor! I can see…

- No! I donated blood for the first and last time at the institute, on Donor Day. Fainted - and that's it, never again.

- Do you often faint at all?

- No … Well, it happens sometimes. I just fall so often. Walked, walked, and suddenly fell. Or from a stool. Or sleep. So I went home, saw the sofa - and immediately fell down.

- No wonder. You have almost no vitality left. Your vessel is empty.

- Who is devastated?

“A vessel of vital energy,” he explained patiently.

Now I looked at him carefully. He was cute, but a little weird. Seemingly young, no more than thirty years old, but eyes! These were the eyes of the wise tortoise Tortilla, from which there was even a light coming out, and so much understanding and so much sympathy splashed in them that I just fell into a stupor.

- Do you get sick often? - he asked.

- No, what are you! I rarely get sick. I am very strong. You don’t look that I look skinny.

“Bad - juicy,” he said separately. - Listen well! "Lean juices" are at the heart of your constitution. Relationship with your parents is not very good?

“Not really,” I admitted. - I hardly remember my father, he has not lived with us for a long time. But with my mother … I am still a baby for her, she always teaches me to live by her rules and demands, demands, demands something …

- And you?

- When I have the strength, I fight back. And when not, I just cry.

- And it becomes easier for you?

- Well, a little bit. Until the next scandal. Don’t think it’s like that every day. Once or twice a week. Well, sometimes three.

- Have you tried not to give her energy?

- What energy? How not to give? - I did not understand.

- Look here. Mom provokes a scandal. You turn on. Notice the word "turn on"! Like an electrical appliance. And mom starts to feed on your energy. And when the scandal is over, she feels good, but you feel bad. So?

“Okay,” I admitted. “But what can I do about it?

“Don't turn on,” he advised. - There is no other way.

- But how can you not turn on if it breaks through? - I got worried. - She knows me like a flaky one, all my pain points!

- Just about … Pain points are like buttons. I pressed the button - you turned on. And when it "breaks through", then there is a leak of energy! This is the same at school in physics.

- Yes, I remember, they taught something like that …

- And the laws of physics, by the way, are common to all bodies. And for humans as well. It's just that in the School of Life we are often poor and truant.

- How can you skip the School of Life?

- It's very simple! Life gives you a lesson, but you don’t want to teach it. And you run away!

- Ha! I wish I could run away. But something is not working out.

- And it happens. Until you complete the lesson, you will hammer it over and over again. Life is a good teacher. She always achieves 100% academic success!

- I don’t have the strength to sit in these lessons. You see, I even had to trudge to the doctor. I can hardly move my legs.

- Is it always like this with you?

- Well no. Sometimes. Here's the last week - it's all like that.

- What happened this last week?

- Yes, the most interesting thing is that nothing special! The usual routine.

- Well, tell me about the routine. If not a pity.

- But what is there to be sorry about? I say it's all nonsense. Well, I talked to my mother a couple of times. Everything as usual. Work - no overload. I grabbed the shiftworker once, but not much. In the evenings I did not strain, only hung on the phone, helped to sort out the situation. And I feel as if they plowed on me all week!

- Well, perhaps, and plowed, but you did not notice. What did you do there on the phone?

- Oh, yes, it's bullshit. A friend has problems, she needed to speak out. I just gave her a big vest.

- Have you spoken out?

- Well, yes, probably. Every evening for an hour and a half - anyone can talk.

- And you?

- What am I?

- Have you spoken out?

- No, I listened to her! Well, she consoled, supported, gave smart advice. And I myself did not complain to her, she is not up to me now, she has enough of her own problems.

“Well, I’ll tell you: you didn’t serve as a big vest, but as a cistern. She poured all her negativity into you, and in return you sent her your positive energy in the form of advice and support. And they themselves did not unload at all!

- But friends must support each other!

- That's right: "each other." And you get a "one-sided" friendship. You are hers, but she is not you.

- Well, I don’t know … Well now, refuse her help? But we are friends!

- You are friends with her. And she uses you. Believe it or not, check it out. Start with the first word you tell her about your problems and see what happens. You will be surprised how energy efficient this method is.

- Yes, you know, it would be nice … I mean more energy.

- Say good. And you waste it yourself!

- But I didn't think! From such and such a point of view … Although just now you said - and in fact it is for sure. I’ll talk to her - and it’s as if the carriages were loaded.

- It was she who loaded you. And you took on her burden of problems. Do you need it?

- No, of course … Why should I? I have my own problems through the roof.

- What are they?

- Yes, different. For example, husband. Former. I love him - well, in a purely human way. Maybe more. And he has a different family. And everything is not good there. She bewitched him. And I feel sorry for him, he's good! And yet, dear little man …

- Do these experiences bring you joy?

- What do you! What a joy ??? Continuous torment. I’m still thinking, thinking how to help him, and I don’t know …

- How old is your husband?

- He's a little older than me. But it is not important!

- Important. An adult is able to solve his own problems on his own. If he wants, of course. And if you are not used to passing them on to others. Do you communicate with him?

- Oh sure! He comes to visit the children. Well and talk. Complain how bad he is there.

- And you feel sorry for him. Yes?

- Of course, I'm sorry! Heart bleeds. He feels bad …

- And you, therefore, feel good.

- No, I feel bad too.

- Then think for yourself: how can you help him? To his "bad" add his "bad"?

- Not! Not! I give him something that he does not have in that family. Understanding … Support … Warmth …

- But in exchange?

- I do not know. Gratitude, I guess?

- Well, yes. He thanks and brings what you gave him to that family. Because they demand there, but he does not have enough of his own warmth. Then he takes it from you. Do you know why you are exhausted?

- No, I just go to the therapist about this. For him to say.

- He won't tell you anything. The therapist treats the symptoms. Well, he will prescribe vitamins, maybe a massage. And that's it! And the reasons, the reasons will remain!

- What reasons?

- You don't love yourself. You are trying to love others without first loving yourself. And this is so energy consuming! So you feel gutted.

- And what to do?

- I would advise you to face yourself. And think about whether you need to give all your best so that others feel good. And at the expense of your vital energy. Throw them off! Stop being a donor. At least temporarily! And start loving yourself, pampering yourself, nourishing yourself. Then after a while you will fill and shine. Like a light bulb! And your eyes will light up. And the heart will be filled with warmth. You will see!

He spoke with inspiration, his eyes were burning, and I thought - what an interesting person! Such a clever girl! I wonder who he works in life?

- Well, you teach me how to live, and you yourself are also sick! - I suddenly realized.

- No, I'm not sick. I'm electric. I just have lunch. By the way, it is already ending. There is a partner walking with a stepladder, now we will change the bulbs! Goodbye, and health to you! Soul - first of all. And stop being a donor!

I remained to sit with my mouth open, watching as my acquaintance jumped up and joined the older man, who really walked along the corridor with a stepladder. Oh my God, how did I not immediately notice that he was wearing a blue uniform overalls? Probably because of his eyes - I hardly took my eyes off them.

And I felt a strange warmth in my chest, as if something had poured into it, so pleasant and invigorating. I even felt that my strength was returning to me. “The laws of physics, by the way, are common to all bodies. And for human beings as well,”- so he told me. I suddenly remembered clearly how in a physics lesson we were shown an experiment with communicating vessels. When water is added to one, the level in the other also rises. And vice versa. Probably, while we were talking, this strange electrician shared something that was in him - life energy, here! And my level has increased. That is, he gave it to me, and I took it.

I jumped up and rushed down the corridor, catching up with the electrician.

- Wait! What is this? Are you also a donor?

“Donor,” he smiled. - Only I, unlike you, share energy voluntarily, because I have it in abundance!

- Why do you have a lot of it? Is there a secret?

- There is. It's very simple. Never let yourself be sucked to the bottom by pressing buttons, and never get involved in something that is not in your control. That's all!

And he and his partner turned into some kind of office - to give people light. And I thoughtfully walked back along the corridor, along the way thinking that I still want to be a donor. Only first will I undermine Love so that my source of life force is filled to the brim. And I will definitely learn to bring light to people - just like this wonderful electrician with the wise eyes of the tortoise Tortilla.