How I had an abortion

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

I already had two children growing up, and suddenly it turned out that I was pregnant for the third time. But I had to end his life. I had no other choice. Believe me, it happens. It turned out that abortion is a paid service. And it costs pretty well.

In the photo - a monument to an unborn child in Slovenia

Of course, many women think differently: the operation relieves them of problems, and you can really pay for it. But for some reason it seemed paradoxical to me.

Nevertheless, I went there, to the gynecological department of the hospital. Several years ago, I was lying here with my first daughter, in preservation. I remember how we discussed "abortion girls" with other mothers-to-be. We said that some of us find it difficult even to get pregnant, someone cannot bear a child, but does not lose hope, but they … Yes, so that we … Yes, never! And now this "never" happened to me.

Usually abortion women wait for the operation in a special ward, separate from the "mothers". It's calmer for everyone. And this time there were four of us in the ward. And in the next one there are three. Total - seven. Then I tried to calculate: operations are done every working day. Suppose there are two hundred such days in a year. How many people are killed in this one department? And how many across the country? It's one thing to read statistics, and it's another to understand from your own experience.

My roommates turned out to be a woman of about thirty-five, another a little younger and very young, about twenty, a girl. The procedure was postponed, and we started talking. It turned out that everyone had their own, in their opinion, very good reasons to come here. The first (let's call her Larisa) already had a child, a boy of five years old. And she didn't want children anymore. “How could I still grow it, feed it,” she said. But for some reason she did not seem poor to me, on the contrary, she was well dressed, she was wearing expensive jewelry, and in general she looked very elegant. The second (let it be Sveta) had the first child was born quite recently, less than a year ago, so the second, in her words, is “too early to give birth”. The third, young (albeit Natasha), went to an abortion for the second time. She had no children yet. She and her husband recently bought an apartment for themselves, but have not yet had time to make repairs in it. And only because of this, she "yet" did not want to give birth.

We sat on our beds, talked, even laughed. But the feeling of wildness and absurdity of what was happening did not leave me. Here are four young women. Each has its own reasons, in their opinion, very important. But this does not change the fact that we intend to commit murder. And we can laugh at the same time. Man is generally a strange creature, full of contradictions and contrasts.

The doctor came, told about the operation, about what medications to drink after it, and about the complications. She was calm and businesslike. It was another working day for her. Then the nurse came in, an elderly woman, simple and somewhat rude. She told us to make the beds so that later it would be more convenient to move us insensitive, not deprived of anesthesia, from the gurney, and told in what form we should appear in the operating room. It was noticeable that this, too, was a usual thing for her, quite ordinary. If she condemned us, it was only for the "negligence" due to which we ended up in the abortion clinic. She was worried about the everyday side of the issue, not the moral one.

Then we were left alone again. It was very hard to wait. And the point is not even that because of the upcoming anesthesia we did not eat anything in the morning, but that we wanted to get rid of all this as soon as possible. To take some time, I got into a conversation with Natasha, a young girl. It turned out that in fact she would, perhaps, want to have a child. She and her husband have been married for six months, but they postpone it for the second time, because it’s not yet time, while there are still other things to do. She did not even tell her parents about anything, because they would have forced her to keep the pregnancy. But since they were married, they decided. And she also talked a lot, as if she were persuading herself. I tried to explain to her that renovation is not the reason to have an abortion, but I realized that I had no moral right to persuade her: how was I better? But if I had shown a little perseverance, and one life would have been saved.

But then it began. First, women from another ward were operated on. We only heard the gurney driving along the corridor. And then I was amazed again. Everything happened very quickly. The sound of wheels on the tiles was heard every five minutes, if not more often. That is, it turned out that the procedure itself took only two or three minutes. What is this compared to the whole life that this unborn person could have lived.

So they began to call from our ward. I saw the women leave and how they were brought back, how they were transferred to the bed, an ice pack was placed on their stomachs, covered with a blanket, and horror rose in me. No, it was not fear of pain or something else, but precisely the horror of what was happening before my eyes.

They called me. I crossed the corridor, went into the operating room, lay down on the table. The doctor turned away, she was preparing the instrument. The nurse came over to give me anesthesia. And then I started to shake, my whole body trembled, so that it became noticeable. The nurse asked what was wrong with me. She had no time to talk for a long time, but she could not help but ask. And then I understood, I understood everything. I realized that never, for anything, under any circumstances, no matter how bad they were, I could not kill my child. This is beyond my strength. It's impossible. “I don’t want to,” was all I could say. I knew: another moment, they would give me anesthesia, and I would not be able to change anything. But I had time, I saved him.

I returned to the room and burst into tears. I cried with happiness that my child is with me, he is here, I know that he is in me and that he is grateful to me. And I cried for all those who could not save theirs. About those women who were with me and those who were before me and will be here, on this bed, later.

And then Natasha screamed. The anesthesia passed, and she was already conscious, but not yet completely. And what she was trying to hide from herself broke through. She begged for her child to be returned to her, she rushed about the bed, trying to get up and follow him. And this was probably the most terrible thing that I have seen in my life. A mother's cry for the child she killed. She needed him, but, having submitted to false ideas about what is right and what is wrong in this life, what is important and what can wait, she lost him. And I could not forgive myself for this.

And my baby is already four months old. He knows how to roll over from his back to his stomach and stretches to sit down. If this seems too simple to you, then I must assure you, for such a kid, these are serious achievements. And, probably, I love him a little more than the rest of my children, because he is suffering.