Business etiquette and norms of family life in Russia

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

For several centuries in Russia, the rules of worldly, family and spiritual life were regulated by Domostroy - a collection of instructions. It contained advice on housekeeping, raising daughters and sons, behavior at home and at a party. Read how a kind wife, a fair husband and polite children should have behaved.

A book on Christian values, family life and business etiquette

The handwritten code of everyday laws appeared at the end of the 15th century in Novgorod; it was popular in the houses of the Novgorod nobility. It was based on ancient collections of similar teachings, for example, "Izmaragd" and "Chrysostom". In different editions, the code of laws was gradually enriched with new recommendations and advice, over time it included the rules of family life. In the 16th century, the Moscow church leader, confessor and associate of Ivan the Terrible, Archpriest Sylvester brought everything together. He divided the new book Domostroy into three parts. The first told how to pray and behave in the church, the second - how to honor the king, the third - how to live in a family and run a household.

Many people read Domostroy: princes and boyars, merchants and poor literate townspeople. The teachings were based on Christian values: to help the needy, the sick and the hungry, not to boast of their good deeds in front of others, to forgive offenses. Practical advice covered different areas of life: how to behave at a party, how to salt mushrooms, take care of cattle, repair sledges and household utensils. The text even mentioned business etiquette - how to buy groceries and pay shopkeepers.

Domostroy of the 16th century became one of the first books devoted to everyday life, although it included a religious section. It withstood many reprints and three centuries later regulated the life of Old Believers, city merchants and wealthy peasants.

This is a monument of inestimable value for our history … it is the color and fruit of the time immemorial eternal moral and economic regulations of our life. Domostroy is a mirror in which we can clearly study and reveal all, so to speak, underground forces of our historical life.

Ivan Zabelin, from the book "The Household Life of Russian Queens in the 16th and 17th Centuries"

Family: strict hierarchy and subordination to elders

In medieval Russia, traditional ideas about values prevailed. The Christian model of marriage implied a large family with many children and a patriarchal lifestyle. People who were left alone until adulthood were considered inferior, and deliberate refusal of marriage was seen as a deviation from the will of God. The moralizing texts even condemned those who left their loved ones to go to the monastery.

According to Domostroi, the family was a single organism: the husband-earner worked and brought food, the wife ran the household, the children unquestioningly obeyed their parents, even when they grew up. Domostroy clearly defined the hierarchy and relationships between family members. This reduced the likelihood of quarrels and conflicts: everyone knew their place and responsibilities. The usual means of education was corporal punishment, although beating with sticks or rods was advised in extreme cases - if the conversations did not work.

The rules of conduct applied to all household members, including servants and people who lived at the expense of the owners. The servants also had to be educated and punished. And not only the owner-spouse, but also his wife:

Servants, in the same way, through guilt and in the case, teach and punish, and lay wounds, punishing, welcome … And for any guilt on the ear, and in the eyes, do not hit them with a fist under the heart, or kick or pound with a staff, do nothing do not hit with iron and wood. Whoever beats like that, many troubles happen because of that: blindness and deafness, and an arm, a leg, and a finger will dislocate, and the head hurts, and a toothache, and in pregnant wives and children in the womb, damage can happen …

For good service, the servants were ordered to praise, and in public. The hostess had to set an example, intercede and not conduct "empty, mocking, senseless, shameful speeches with the servants." It was also necessary to strictly monitor that the servants did not gossip and did not tell strangers about household chores.

Wife: "To please God and husband"

In Russia, it was customary to conclude marriages by agreement. Relatives chose a life partner, and often there was no talk of mutual love between future spouses. Only aged grooms could choose a bride for themselves and negotiate a future wedding on their own. Marriages were divorced on rare occasions, the family was considered a value that should be protected all life.

The word "homebuilding" today is associated primarily with the patriarchal way of life. In fact, a married woman from the people lived locked up, doing only housework. The Domostroi norms stipulated that a wife should be “clean and obedient”, to fulfill her duties - to run a household and raise children. It was ordered to be silent, kind, hardworking, to consult with her husband in all matters. At the same time, the spouse, as the head of the house, must teach and educate not only the children, but also the wife, and then "everything will be sportive, and everything will be complete."

A good wife makes her husband happy, their life goes on in harmony. A kind, hardworking, silent wife is a crown to her husband. If a husband has found a good wife, he only takes out good things from his house.

Domostroy

The woman in the book was called "the sovereign of the house", and her main business was "to please God and her husband." She supervised the education of the children, the work of the servants, the replenishment of supplies, and the distribution of responsibilities among family members. Households, with the exception of her husband, were obliged to obey and help her.

The book described in detail how to behave in different situations and even what you can talk about at a party:

Guests, if it happens, or wherever to be, sit at the table and change in your best dress, and protect your wife from drunken drinking. The husband is drunk - it is bad, and the wife is drunk - and in the world it is not suitable. Talk with guests about handicrafts, about household chores … What you don’t know, then ask good wives, politely and affectionately, and whoever points out something, beat them with a low forehead.

The hostess was not encouraged to be idle and set a bad example for the servants: she had to spend all her free time around the house at needlework. Even aimless conversation was considered a sin.

In Domostroy it was said that "it is bad if a wife fornicates, wags, slanders and communicates with the wise men." The unjust "empress" undermined discipline and set a bad example for the servants. In special cases, the wife should have been punished, and not only in words. The spouse should be “taught” in private, and not in front of people, and after that one should caress and regret.

Children: "stand politely and don't look around"

Domostroy ordered to raise children in strictness: children should be "always at peace, well fed and dressed, and in a warm house, and always in order." Responsibilities for upbringing were assigned to both the mother and the father. The sons and daughters were to be watched until they were married. The pedagogy of Domostroi included several aspects: the teaching of "the fear of God", knowledge, politeness, craft and handicrafts.

Children from an early age began to help adults, work was one of the main Christian virtues. Laughter and pampering were considered sins, parents were advised not to even smile while playing with children. In upbringing, it was recommended to take into account the characteristics of the child: "According to children, depending on their age, they should be taught needlework - mothers of daughters, fathers of sons, who is capable of what, what opportunities God will give to whom." Children helped with the housework, from the age of seven to eight mothers taught their daughters how to sew, and fathers of sons taught their craft, for example, blacksmithing or pottery. The diploma was considered optional. The child was taught to write and read if only they planned to send him to government service or to confessors. A separate chapter of Domostroi was devoted to the future marriage of daughters, parents were advised to collect clothes and utensils for a dowry in advance.

Domostroy prescribed to teach children decent behavior, or "vezhestvo". In one of the chapters, they advised how to keep yourself to your son in someone else's house: "do not pick your nose with your finger, do not cough, do not blow your nose, stand politely and do not look around." The child was instructed not to chatter or eavesdrop - this is how they tried to protect the house from gossip and quarrels with neighbors.

Responsibility for the children was assigned to the parents: if the children had sinned through an oversight, then the mother and father would answer on the day of the Last Judgment. Well-bred children in old age had to take care of their parents when they fell ill or "became impoverished in reason." You could not scold your parents - otherwise you will be damned before God.

Whoever beats his father or mother - he will be excommunicated from the church and from the shrines, let him die a fierce death from civil execution, for it is said: “The paternal curse will dry up, and the maternal curse will eradicate.

In the chapter "How to Teach Children and Save by Fear," corporal punishment was recommended. Moreover, only boys were allowed to beat: "Execute your son from his youth … if you beat him with a rod, he will not die, but he will be healthier." Corporal punishment in the Middle Ages for boys was widespread not only in Russia: it is believed that in this way the future warrior was prepared for hardships and tempered his character. Girls were only ordered to be severely scolded for offenses.