"Rules of Social Life and Etiquette": Ancient Wedding Customs

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

By the end of the 19th century, everyone knew how to properly equip an apartment, hire a servant and take care of their reputation, and those who had forgotten were helped by the book of Yuryev and Vladimirsky "Rules of High Life and Etiquette".

How to choose a wife

Give preference to meekness and nobility over wealth, noble birth, pleasant appearance and bodily delights. Don't marry for beauty alone: appearances are deceiving. Spiritual beauty is another matter:

“Kindness, even with the most ordinary features, remains forever invariable and pleasant. Moreover, this beauty increases over the years, and time improves it, instead of upsetting. No one is more pitiable than a husband of recognized beauty."

Don't marry a narrow-minded woman. Mental limitation occurs when there is not a single gap in a person - only callousness of the soul, a tendency to gossip and laziness and other negative qualities.

"It's hard to be married to a bad woman, but there is no hope for a man married to a stupid woman."

Don't marry an angry woman. If you do not know what disposition your beloved is, get to know her family better. Look at the nature of the mother, as well as how your chosen one interacts with her parents, brothers and sisters.

“The son of Sirach says that he would rather live with a lion and a dragon than dare to have an evil woman in his house. A loudly screaming and grumpy wife is good to drive off thieves."

How to choose a husband

When choosing a husband for yourself, do not be hasty and soberly assess your feelings. Don't blindly surrender to love.

“Girls in their school years act carelessly if they allow love to creep into their hearts. In early youth, love is especially blind."

Decide what is more important to you - to marry a decent person or just get married. But remember: marriage does not solve all problems.

“Women often marry only to have a home; due to the fact that their girlish life is so sad and inactive, they imagine that with marriage there will be a change for the better in their life."

“But is it an absolute necessity to get married? It is much better to be without a husband than to be the wife of a bad man."

Pay attention to how your chosen one behaves in different situations. Love is love, but do not lose sight of what kind of father and friend your husband will be.

“Without mutual love, marriage will be nothing more than an ill-fated deal, an eternal source of sorrow, misery, strife and scandal; we do not need to close our eyes to the rules, tastes and behavior of the person whom we intend to make the father of our children."

How to make an offer

Before offering a girl a hand and a heart, a potential groom should visit her parents. The girl may not be present at the same time.

"When the proposal is accepted and both parties have agreed among themselves, that is, they got engaged, then the couple is considered engaged from then on, but the title of bride and groom is finally established for them only from the day of the betrothal."

The groom must take care of the rings. Of course, about the special ones, given the solemnity and romance of the occasion.

“Wedding rings are made of pure red gold 92nd sample. On the inside of both rings, the year, month and day of the betrothal are carved; the groom's rings are the initial letters of the bride's first and last name, and the bride's rings are the initial letters of the groom's first and last name."

After the engagement, the groom can give the bride a ring with a stone. Loyalty, constancy, happiness are symbolized by turquoise or opal. Giving the wrong stone is a big awkwardness.

“.. Never give an emerald or emerald, because they are called the stone of virgins. Aquamarine … is also not suitable in this case, because it is considered to be unfortunate."

How to behave at a wedding

In the appointment of the wedding time, give preference to the evening.

The bride should wear white. Especially fashionable fabrics - damask, antique moire, reps and satin; people with less income can choose cashmere, alpaca or muslin.

“The veil is made of silk tulle, and the longer and wider it is, the more beautiful it is. For girls of orange flowers and myrtle, for newly married widows who are not entitled to a veil, the wreath should be made of white lilies or lilies of the valley."

The bride's bouquet should be purchased and delivered by the groom's elder friend, who is also the best man.

"Before the bride goes to church, the groom's best man must notify her of the groom's arrival at the church and at the same time present on his behalf a bouquet: for the bride-maiden - from orange flowers and myrtle, and for widows - from white roses and lilies of the valley."

After the wedding, go home and receive the blessing of your parents with the images of Christ the Savior and the Virgin Mary. Of course, with bread and salt.

"A native Russian custom requires that young people accept the blessing of their parents with reverence, kneeling before them, and then they must, first kissing the image, kiss the hand of their father and mother."

How to have a wedding feast

Give up tiresome wedding feasts, it is not fashionable now.

“In our time it is already considered indecent to give wedding feasts; now it is called "merchant riot." Now, after the wedding, as they say, the guests gather for one cup of tea and leave."

After the wedding, you have 15 days to visit relatives and friends. But it is better to go to the estate - to practice the arrangement of a joint life - or on a trip.

".. It is accepted that young people immediately after the wedding leave for a short trip, for example, to Imatra, as many of the Petersburgers do now."

In some cases, a wedding ball or feast is allowed. They are usually arranged at the expense of the parents of the young wife. And the newly-made husband is better prepared for the fact that his wife will not perform the first dance with him:

"During the ball, the dances are opened by a young man with the most honorable personality of the men present."

The wedding feast ends with a toast to the newlyweds, which is proclaimed by the best men.