8 main rules for raising a man from a boy

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

More and more women say that there are no normal men. They died out as a class. Remained lazy and weak, effeminate and uninteresting male representatives. I disagree with this, I know a lot of real men - and there are a lot of them in my world. Still, there is a problem of degeneration of masculinity. But we create it ourselves.

And you either allow him to become who he is, or crush and break him, turn him into something like a woman, but some kind of strange and clumsy, into a "domesticated man." You will either bring up a man for whom your daughter-in-law will be grateful to you, or, on the contrary, grow up someone who is not clear, with whom then another woman will have to suffer.

Difficulties

A boy will never become a man if he does not face difficulties. If you do everything for him, if you do not leave him alone with obstacles. If you don't give him a chance to figure it out, learn. If everything comes into his own hands, it is easy and without tension. If everything in his life happens by itself, without his participation. I wanted it, I got it. If he doesn't get used to working. Ease your desire to help your son, mom! Leave it for your daughters who need it (but it is them, for some reason, we force them to do everything on their own).

Let his world be a battlefield. Battles with socks and laces, dirty dishes, difficult tasks, difficult fighting techniques. Where he must try to win. Where you need to apply strength, ingenuity. Where to train determination. It is right. No amount of taekwondo can replace street fighting. By the way: most great fighters started out by fighting in the streets.

Father

A boy will never become a man if there is no man next to him. What can you teach your son? Well, honestly. Just how to be a woman. You can instill in him sensitivity, empathy, sensitivity … It's not bad, but does that make him a man? When he is already a man, he can develop empathy - the wife will say thank you later. But if there is nothing masculine in him, except for the body?

Where can he get an example of male behavior? An example that will show him that his feelings and desires are normal and natural. When boys fight, mothers are usually in panic and horror. They will tell their sons for a long time that this is not normal. But dads will understand - and dads will be able to convey to their son - this is normal. The main thing is the reason. Does the reason deserve just such a solution to the issue, or can it be simpler and softer. Mom, it's okay for boys to fight. This is a masculine way of solving problems. Fight an abuser, invader or obstacle. (And to gain leadership. If a boy does not fight, he is either sick or lacking in ambition. At a certain age, boys do not understand titles and titles. They establish hierarchy with their fists). We cannot teach this to our sons.

By the way, I understand that now mad mothers shower me with used tampaks, but I have to say: girls at a certain age are larger and more aggressive than boys. Therefore, it is not necessary to instill in the boy an inferiority complex in front of the girls, forbidding them to beat. If the girl rushes like a drill, then let them fight. Both will benefit.

We cannot understand the soul of our sons, because we ourselves are arranged differently. They have different needs and other characteristics. A mother from a son can only raise a little page, who carries her royal robe. Because it is very convenient to enjoy this world through your son. We will not be able to talk to them about what is relevant to them. All that heals them, we reject, stick the label "bad" and "uncivilized." How will they become men in this case?

Let them have men's hobbies, activities, men's conversations. The more masculine, the better. Fishing, hiking, sports, construction, adventure, cars, technology, martial arts, martial arts, swords and pistols …

Liberty

A boy will never become a man if he does not have enough freedom. If he will not be able to climb everywhere, touch everything. Sometimes with a risk to life and health. This is masculine nature - a discoverer, explorer, hero of an adventure novel. If he needs to sit on his butt straight, but inside is seething with a thirst for research - what to do? Most often - to kill a traveler, discoverer, cowboy and all other "dangerous" subjects in yourself. In order not to worry mom. In order not to upset her. And then my wife. What are downhill skiing? The wife is against it. What are parachutes? The wife cannot bear it.

Let his life be an adventure quest. With a lot of freedom inside. More active games, sports, risky ventures. By the way, you don't need to go there yourself. Let them learn all this together with dad. Useful for both.

This, by the way, is the answer to the question: “what if the dad himself is“a domesticated man? How will he teach his son something? Just as you and I are healed through our daughters, so fathers can be healed and grow, open up through communication with their sons. But their communication should be free - from women in the first place. Free, full of adventure, impressions, new experiences. Shared male experience. Not invented by you, but chosen by them (yes, sending dad and son together to the “Christmas tree” does not count).

Solutions

A boy will not become a man if he does not learn to make decisions, make choices, and take responsibility for it. If you make all the choices for him, you always insure, always dictate the right decisions. Today he will do as you say, get a good result. But what will happen when you are not there? What decision can he make himself? Does he understand the consequences, is he familiar with responsibility? And who in his world is generally responsible for him? Are you again?

Let him decide and choose for himself. Let him experiment with solutions and learn to accept the consequences of it. Didn't do my homework - got two. I didn't wash my plate - there's nothing to eat, everyone eats, but he washes the plate. Didn't take his pants to the basket of dirty linen - he walks around in dirty ones. Or sitting at home. Etc.

Let him choose what to do, how much, when and how. What book to read, what game to play, what to draw and how, with whom to be friends, what cartoon to watch, what chores to do around the house. Etc. The more decisions he can make on his own, the better. Give him this practice - meeting with failures and victories, so that in adulthood he is not afraid of mistakes and defeats, having a lot of experience working with them.

Leadership

A boy will not become a man if he does not have the opportunity to lead, dominate, and compete. With whom will he work out all this if a woman is raising him? How can you compete with your mom? What is it? And how to dominate over her if she does not even give her husband this opportunity?

At the same time, in order for a woman next to a man to be happy, there must be a state of possession of this woman inside him. "You are mine" - this message from men's eyes is able to calm a woman's heart. And many women are looking for and waiting for this all their lives. But how can a boy learn this from his mother? No way. He can only learn to obey and suppress the leader in himself.

Duties

A boy will never become a man if he has no responsibilities. If he's all ready and doesn't have to do anything. If you spoon-feed him and do his homework for him. If he doesn't know how clean T-shirts end up in the closet. If he does not know which side the refrigerator opens.

Note that girls have responsibilities early enough. Although they could have been given time to rest, they will wash, cook and clean all their adult lives. But the boys just would not hurt to be able to serve themselves in everything. And his wife will thank you later.

Help

A boy never becomes a man if no one needs his help. If mom is all by herself, everywhere on her own, and takes care of him - what is the point of becoming a man? The man is the one that is needed. The help they need. Who can show all his best qualities, surpass himself for the sake of his beloved woman.

This is what you as a mom can do. Ask him for help. More often, more, all the time. Ask you to bring the packages, and play with your brother-sister, and take out the trash, and peel the potatoes, and help in the work. In any situation, ask for help. Do not evaluate in advance his strength, they say it will not cope. If you think so, it will definitely not cope. And it won't even take it. Feel distrust.

You yourself are used to helping him all the time. Enough. Stop. Asks for help - better encourage him that he can cope on his own. And let him try, train. Swap roles. It is not you who are helping him, but he is helping you. In everything. He is your assistant, protector, hero and knight.

Believe in him

As our middle son recently told me: "Mom, I help you, and therefore I am already like a dad - a real man!" The guy doesn’t pronounce some more letters, but he’s right. He is already a man. It is designed in a completely different way and functions in a completely different way. And since I do not understand anything about this, I do not climb so as not to break anything. While he is four. And he is still "my boy". But inside my boy a "real man" is already growing - and this man is growing more and more. Very soon the man will oust the boy from him. And I just have to accept it - and not pull it back. Don't consider him small, sweet, cute, funny. Only - strong, courageous, decisive, capable …

Then educate yourself - learn not to command him, not suppress him, not limit him. Learn to work with your fears and worries - these are your emotions, and the boy has nothing to do with it. Learn to be a woman, to give the reins to him, even he is only five or six years old. Learn to obey, learn to accept and believe. Learn not to punish them physically, not to break their psyche in this way, learn to punish them like a woman, by detachment. It is much more difficult than making a "little man" out of a boy.

Out of our great love for our sons, we need to learn to be stricter and more demanding with them. Out of love and concern for their future, we need to ask them for help more often, load them with physical labor. For the love of our sons, we need to surround them with men. And get out of the immediate environment, staying in the field of visibility. Hug and kiss the top of the head before going to bed, but during the day to control yourself and not lisp with the boys. Suck up with girls - that's really with whom all this does not happen much.

And one quote that caught my eye by accident, but really liked, on the same topic:

And it all starts with our boys! The responsibility on our shoulders is enormous - for the happiness of future generations, right?