Phrases of parents giving children complexes

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

The threat of "being left alone" acts on the child like a sentence and literally means for him that he is now deprived of parental support and love, he is unloved, and now the mother does not care what will happen to him.

That's why you need to think carefully before throwing rash phrases.

"Don't drink cold water, or your throat will hurt."

The throat hurts not from cold water, but from unspoken emotions / thoughts. If the child does not shut up when he speaks, screams, cries, and also does not scold him for his words, emotions and ways of expressing them, then the throat will not hurt.

"Don't play with food."

Children don't know how to play around at all. They learn about the world and the physical properties of objects, including food.

"Don't look so close, or you'll break your eyes / plant your eyesight."

What do you mean you will break? Vision deteriorates (becomes myopic) when unpleasant associations with the future are formed. For example, when an adult says rudely: "when you grow up, you will find out," "if you grow up, you will understand how difficult it is to live / earn money, etc." And also vision becomes myopic when a person refuses to see details, also as a result of prohibitions on this. Children are very fond of examining, touching, including on the street, and adults pull them, run over, demand not to bother, not to poke around. Parents do their best to pull children out of the macrocosm into adult boring life.

Stop fooling around / messing around / getting mad

Why would that be? When else to fool around, if not in childhood? If you don’t fool yourself properly in childhood, then this desire to "be a clown" will constantly creep out in adulthood in the strangest forms and images against the background of the general seriousness of a person. It will also be accompanied by internal dissatisfaction.

"What are you talking about! Aren't you ashamed ?!"

It is very fraught with shame and guilt on the child. An adult throws off his responsibility for himself, his condition, his level of consciousness, his method of upbringing on the child. And then the child lives with this foreign burden, gets sick, becomes unhappy, embittered at the world, begins to be dirty and mischievous.

Stop roaring! Calm down

It's like saying: "Stop purifying your soul, leave the inner pain in yourself and live with it further, pretend that you are not in pain, deceive yourself." Pain not cried out will always accumulate and make the child angrier and callous.

You fall, hit, it will hurt

If you say so to the child, then it will be so. These words are not a warning for the child, but facts that program his Consciousness for such an outcome of events. Instead of such phrases, you need to help the child try himself where he has not yet tried, give him a hand, provide support, instill in the child confidence in his strengths and abilities.

"I do not love you" is the scariest phrase your child can hear from you. This is always a trauma for the baby, because such words convince the baby that "he is bad" and "is no longer needed." Never say that, but always emphasize that you love your baby even when he misbehaves and is capricious.

"Yes, who needs you!" - a phrase often used by parents, allegedly in order to save a child from unwarranted childhood fears, in response to a plaintive request for protection: "Mom, a terrible monster wants to eat me." Hearing such a phrase, the child may think that, besides you, no one needs him at all, and you are doing a great favor that you live with him. This conclusion can lead to low self-esteem, lack of communication, complexes and fear of communication. Therefore, when helping your child get rid of childhood fears, tell him that he is too dear to you so that you would allow any monster to even come close to him.

“If you disobey, a bad uncle (policeman / Baba Yaga / Leshy, etc.) will come and take you away! »A child with strong nerves and a good sense of humor, at best, will soon stop responding to such statements. A more anxious toddler, on the other hand, may experience severe fright and develop a phobia.

The only thing that parents will achieve as a result of using such phrases is increased anxiety, nervous breakdowns, deterioration of discipline and behavior in children. Building your authority on fear is a dead end; you can gain trust and respect in ways that are much more worthy and enjoyable for you and your child.

"You are bad!" Child psychologists unanimously argue that one cannot condemn the child himself, one can only condemn his actions and actions. You cannot tell a child that "he is bad", it is correct to say that he "did a bad thing." Young children do not question our words, they unconditionally believe everything we tell them. If a child is constantly told that he is lazy, greedy and dirty, then do not be surprised that in the end he will behave accordingly.

"Nothing will work for you - let me do it myself!" Such a phrase preprograms the child for failure. Gradually, the baby becomes confident that he is an awkward, awkward, incapable and stupid loser who is not able to do anything on his own without the help of his mother. Such a child is very insecure. Will never take the initiative. Why, after all, nothing will work out anyway. Therefore, if you hear from your child the statement "I myself!", Support the child in his aspirations, show patience and be sure to praise.

"Rely only on yourself, no one will help you, because the world is against you" - such phrases can be heard from their parents by weak, insecure and physically weak children, whom parents are trying to teach with such statements to independence and the ability to stand up for themselves. But in the end, the already frightening world around them is even more threatening and even dangerous for the child. The child becomes wary, distrustful, withdrawn, avoids communication with children and adults, because you never know where to expect a catch. It is important to form a positive outlook on the world in a child, and only mistakes in upbringing can turn him against others.

"Why can't you behave as well as your sister?", « Petya has been able to read for a long time, but you don't even know the letters! ”- such comparisons, especially with siblings, are very painful for children and cause a feeling of unhealthy rivalry. It is very important for children to know that you love them for no reason, and not for acquired skills or special talents.

"Why are you still dancing so badly?", « Why didn't you take first place? ”- such phrases show children that they will never be good enough to satisfy all the requirements of their parents. To gain a discreet approval, you have to jump over your head and never go below the top. Parents should remember that their approval is very important for children, especially in those moments when everything does not work out the way they would like. "Third place? This is great! Let's prepare even better next time! But I'm very proud of you!"

The support and love of parents is the best motivation for achieving success.