Visiting the Tsar Peas

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

In that ancient time, when the world of God was filled with goblin, witches and mermaids, when milk rivers flowed, the banks were jelly, and fried partridges flew across the fields, at that time there was a king named Pea.

- It's you? - asked my daughter incredulously, looking at my cadet photos

- Imagine, it's me. How time flies and how long ago it was! Almost under Tsar Pea, - I smile, pleased with the impression made by the photograph, where I stand on the Palace Square of Leningrad in an embrace with our platoon commander Volodya Polenov and the bosom friend of my cadet youth Volodya Samarin. Young and full of hope, future aviators with a single chevron on the right sleeve of their uniform coat - the first year.

- Did Tsar Peas rule before the revolution? - the daughter laughs and suddenly realizes that in vain she said this, now the father will climb on his beloved skate and a long lecture will begin about the real history of Russia, about her BYLINA.

- That's for sure! Before the revolution he lived! 1453 revolution.

- Here you go! What kind of revolution is this?

- Fall of the Byzantine Empire!

- What does it have to do with it ?! Let’s tell - the daughter sat down more comfortably in the armchair and prepared to listen….

In ancient times, called in Russia - at the time of Tsar Pea, on the bank of the Bosphorus, which is named Jordan in the Ostrog Bible, there was a wondrous and beautiful city, with mighty fortifications and magnificent temples, where people lived who knew how to do many useful things. This city was the heir of the Old Rome and therefore was called the Second Rome. Its rulers considered themselves the descendants of God who created humanity and therefore in the eyes of their subjects were half-gods. When they died, the subjects, having made the necessary procedures, took their Basileus to the place of their burial and eternal rest, to the desert of Old Rome, to Egypt, where they remained forever in tombs in the form of embalmed mummies. The pyramids and burials of Egypt are the imperial cemetery of the kings of the First, Second and partly the Third Rome. The city, which is now called Rome, never was, and the whole story about it is a continuous invention of the Vatican bishop, who calls himself the Pope.

The river through which the deceased emperors were carried was called differently by different peoples. For example, the poet Virgil has it Styx. We know her as the Neal.

The descendants of the deceased Basileus-Pharaohs considered all the open and known lands, as well as the peoples who inhabited them, as their own, by the right of Divine Providence. The lands that will be discovered in the future were considered as such. They were called fems. The biggest femes were the lands of Russia, which, with the power of its weapons and the courage of its warriors, conquered other femes, in particular Western Europe, inhabited at that time by wild tribes. Little tog, Russia was at war with the empire itself, about what the epic says about the capture of the capital of Byzantium by Prince Svyatoslav and how he nailed his shield to the gates of it. Since the main ruler of the world sat on the throne in Byzantium, the Russian people called this city Tsargrad, that is, the city of the tsar. The difference between a king and another ruler should be noted. The king was not only the sovereign governing the country, but also the high priest of the faith, its keeper and amulet.

When Russia becomes the Third Rome, the Russian Tsars will continue this tradition - God's anointed ones. In the Arab world, the King will be called the Caliph. The only Russian Tsar who will unite Orthodoxy and Islam in his person will be Ivan Khalif (Tsar is a priest, not Kalita's purse). This will happen immediately after the reign of his brother, Georgy Danilovich, whom everyone knows as Georgy the Victorious. Its reflections in history will be multiple. One of them is Genghis Khan. It was he who would create the great empire of the Slavs and destroy the Jewish Khazaria hostile to Russia. There was no Tatar-Mongol yoke in Russia, but there was a vassalage of all the appanage principalities and the creation of a powerful Russian state, which Georgy handed over to his brother Ivan, who remained in the epics as Baty. This king will create in Western Europe-Livonia his western capital and will become the first Pope Innocent, and the city on the seven hills will be called the Vatican, by his nickname Batya Khan.

However, back to Byzantium.

Peas in Russia were not known. His homeland is Southwest Asia and the Middle East. It is now possible to hear the fables of archaeologists that they find pea pods in burials 2 million years ago. I am a more down-to-earth person and I believe that according to Russian epics and indicative calendar records, humanity is only about 8000 years old. That is how much has passed since the creation of the world among the ancient Slavs. Therefore, relying on the data of the first written evidence, dated no earlier than the 10th century AD, I inform you that historians cannot be trusted. They also have Stonehenge, made of ordinary geopolymer concrete in 1952, an ancient structure. By the way, the pyramids of Egypt are also structures of the 12-15th centuries of our era.

In general, history is a science meaning a view of the world from the point of view of the Torah (From the Torah I) - a heretical teaching that emerged from Christianity, and not vice versa, as it is presented today. Everything was like this: first, ancient monotheism and dualism, and later Christianity and the teachings-sects that emerged from it, such as Islam, Buddhism, Judaism and a variety of Judaism, Catholicism with its derivative Lutheranism.

So, peas grew on the lands of the Byzantine Empire. Obviously, some of the Russian princes brought this type of plant to Russia and began to cultivate it. In my opinion, this is a completely logical proposal, given that the monument to Nikita Sergeevich Khrushchev, at the Novodevichy cemetery in Moscow, looks like two stones: black and white. So white is made in the form of corn. By the way, this king of the Russian land, remained in the memory of descendants precisely by plantations of corn throughout our long-suffering Fatherland. Isn't it logical to call him King Kukuruza or, say, General Secretary Mais ?! I think such a thought is not devoid of common sense and who knows (?), Whether our descendants will not tell fairy tales to their children about the Russian tsar, with a bald head like a knee, who lived during the victorious march of corn across the Russian world. I tried using a computer program to stick Nikita's photo onto a drawn image of the Tsar Peas. You will not believe, but this is something !!! I imagined the Tsar Pea !!! Try to practice - get indescribable pleasure.

In general, I decided to check my conclusions and climbed into the history of Byzantium, in order to establish the time of the life of King Pea. Why Byzantium? So after all, the tsars in the entire history of the world were only in it, and later in Russia. Of course, you can say that there were kings in the Bible too. My answer is this: the Bible is not an ancient book and in its modern form it was formed in the 19th century, but it appeared from various scattered books of Holy Scripture in the 16th century. Consists of the Old Testament, which describes the events of medieval Russia and the Gospel. The Torah, on the basis of which the Old Testament was created, is simply information and traditions drawn from the Old Russian Spiritual Books of Paliy and Helmsman. By the way, both Palia and Kormchaya, in one form or another, were the spiritual books of Byzantium. The Torah is a philosophy and history of communication with God stolen from the Slavs, remade for the idea of a chosen people in the late Middle Ages. Therefore, the kings of the Bible can be safely regarded as the kings of Byzantium and its heiress Russia. The Jewish people had no kings. Born in the 13th century in the Khazar Kaganate, Judaism knew Kagans, not kings. Lies of Judaism. would have been too obvious if the kagans had not been exchanged for kings. However, I am not an anti-Semite and I think that everyone can believe what he wants, but sometimes you should turn on your head and not believe the nonsense of "From the Toriks", in an attempt to falsify the Russian-Byzantine epic.

Probably, you are interested to know what it has to do with it, King Peas. The expression came to us from Russian folklore, where there was such a hero, Tsar Gorokh. He did not bring harm to people, and therefore they lived with him, not knowing grief. The improbability of such a king gives the expression the meaning of "incredibly long ago."

I must say that the King of Peas is not alone. There are similar expressions in both Slavic and non-Slavic languages: "under Tsar Kopyl", "under Queen Lentils". In Poland, for example, they will say: "under King Cricket" or "under King Golysh".

And we have a king of Peas, quite handsome, kind, fearless. He lived a long, long time ago, when - and you don’t remember. Here is just one interesting thing that he always conquers everyone, then Tsar Pantelei, then the Mushroom Tsar. Apparently, the tsar is sometimes formidable and merciless to the enemies of the state, but favors the Russian people.

There are some more interesting facts. By the beginning of his reign, Mara, the ancient Slavic goddess of death, hunger and pestilence, and also strife, ruled in the Russian world. Only after the victory over her, in Russia came the times "under Tsar Pea" - a peaceful life, when children were born and grew up, and again Russia became powerful.

In Russkaya Pravda, a collection of ancient Russian feudal law, compiled in the 10th-11th centuries during the reign of Yaroslav the Wise, peas are mentioned along with wheat, rye, oats, and millet. However, its widespread distribution is evidenced in numerous entries in the monastic books dating back only to the 13th century. It seems that a certain sovereign instructed the Russ to grow peas and recognized its benefits. Moreover, this sovereign is not just a ruler, but a KING, that is, having influence on spiritual power and faith!

Well, in that case, Pea is not at all a comic character, but one of the great rulers of our people; one of the few whose names have survived in the memory of the people.

Let me tell you two alternative versions. In my opinion they will only confirm that. what I'm talking about now.

1) According to one version, the expression came to us from Russian folklore, where there was such a character as Tsar Pea - a good-natured and stupid tsar from Russian folk tales. This king did not bring harm to people, but people lived with him, not knowing grief and troubles. Such a king looked so incredible that it is not even clear whether he existed at all, and if he did, it was only "incredibly long ago", when even the world was completely different.

2) Another version is more historically accurate and sees the roots of King Peas in the Byzantine state. Constantinople is the capital of Byzantium, in Russia it was called Tsargrad, and everything that was connected with this city and state was called "Tsargratsim" or "Tsargorotskiy". Apparently, the name peas also originated from the name of the city. In colloquial use, this expression could be modified into "Tsar Pea". Thus, the ancient times of King Peas are nothing more than the period of the existence of Byzantium,. Let me remind you that Byzantium ceased to exist in 1453, and, figuratively speaking, the period before 1453 could well be called the times of King Pea, if we adhere to the veracity of this version.

So the timeline began to narrow. Having evidence from the monastic chronicles, the alternative versions set forth above, I argue that Tsar Pea is the real ruler of Russia, who ordered the Russian people to grow and consume peas, who loved this tsar and treated him a little with humor. This is clearly not Peter, who was feared and who left behind a lot of negative opinions, diligently hushed up by the Romanovs, the Germans who came to the Russian Throne of Tsar Pea. It was they who, in the Time of Troubles, overthrew the legitimate Tsar and ascribe to the Russian-Horde rule all sorts of sins and crimes that they themselves committed during their ascension to the throne. It was they who slandered the image of the Great Tsar Ivan Vasilyevich the Terrible, creating from him the “Toric” image of the villain. Ivan was not like that. In his person, three kings are united, who ruled one after another. And the Tsar himself was a threat to the enemies of Russia. But, there was a mental illness and the Tsar, who left the world, to the monastery, became blessed. Received at baptism the name Basil (Basileus, Tsar. Caliph), the sick Tsar became a schema monk, and the revered holy elder Basil the Blessed, the temple you see on Red Square in Moscow, appeared in Russia.

This is not just a temple erected in honor of the victory of this Tsar over Kazan. This is the first tomb of the Russian Tsar in Russia, near the walls of the Third Rome-Yorosalim-Moscow Kremlin. For the first time, subjects buried a descendant of the pharaohs of Old Rome, not in the imperial cemetery in Egypt, but on the banks of the Moskva River, next to the Execution Ground, which means Golgotha. I found another name for the Bosphorus-Jordan. In the chronicles of Byzantium and the Seljuk Turks there is the name Moscow and this is the strait on which modern Istanbul stands. Moscow is the Turkic name for the Bosphorus and that part of the Red (beautiful, red) Sea, where the remains of a suburb of Istanbul called Yoros now rise. There is also Mount Beykos with the grave of Yusha (Jesus). And on the contrary, across the strait, the temple of the biblical king Solomon rose - the Al-Sophi Museum Mosque, the majestic Hagia Sophia Cathedral. It is on this mountain that the most famous execution of mankind and the Resurrection of Jesus took place. The city in Palestine is a 19th century scenery created from the Arab village of El Kuts and has nothing to do with biblical events.

Well, what then? It's time to show you the King of Peas.

The years of his reign were the era of the strengthening of Moscow and its rise above the rest of the Russian cities. An oak Kremlin was built in Moscow, protecting not only the city center, but also the township outside it. Also in Moscow, he built the Assumption and Archangel Cathedrals, the Church of John Climacus, the Transfiguration Church, and a monastery was opened with it. In Pereyaslavl-Zalessky, Tsar Gorokh founded the Goritsky (Assumption) monastery.

The chroniclers noted that this tsar cared about the safety of the inhabitants, strictly persecuted and executed robbers and thieves, always repaired the "right court", helped the poor and the poor. For this he received his second nickname - Good. And also during his reign there were no wars and many children were born, and Russia flourished

He enacted an agricultural law and established a new order of inheritance. After his death, the grand-ducal throne more or less constantly passed to his direct descendants. Since the Reign of the Pea, it is customary to talk about the beginning of autocracy. It is he who is the first Russian Tsar, and Ivan Vasilyevich the Terrible, the first Russian Tsar to be crowned in the Kremlin Cathedral, where from now on all subsequent Russian Tsars will be anointed with oil on the throne.

I found the agricultural law of this Great Sovereign (this is how all subsequent rulers of Russia will now be called). What a joy I felt when I read the words there, about the fact that the Russians were ordered to plant peas and eat them everywhere, as a healthy culture with a huge amount of proteins. The tsar-father also lists the dishes that he had a chance to taste at the Byzantine envoy, such as pies with peas, pea jelly, etc. But the sovereign especially praises the pea porridge and tells his subjects about the unpretentiousness of this culture.

Why not Nikita Khrushchev?

The Russian people could not leave such zealous propaganda of peas in impunity. Oh, I couldn't! Only then were there not times of vulgar anecdotes that came to Russia from the Torah, but times of fairy tales, which means funny instructive stories, in which love and respect for the eccentric king, who fell in love with Byzantine pea porridge with jelly, was captured.

The folk tale begins with the words: "It was in those years when the king Peas fought with mushrooms."And it immediately becomes clear that the times of Tsar Pea are not just hoary antiquity, but times of epic and undoubtedly good ones, causing a kind smile when remembering them.

In ancient Russian cuisine, pea porridge occupied an honorable place, since it was, perhaps, the most satisfying of all dishes of Russian cuisine.

As for the mushrooms, in the summertime the hostess threw them into every dish: both in cabbage soup and in porridge. One problem, both mushrooms and peas cause bouts of flatulence in a person (as doctors exquisitely call the accumulation of gases in the intestines). A person who has eaten delicious pea porridge with mushrooms begins to growl loudly in the stomach, and it is better not to be in the same room with him.

However, the ancestors treated such things calmly and only laughed, hearing intestinal gurgling and farting, reminiscent of cannon firing: "Tsar Peas is fighting with mushrooms!"

Listen, my daughter, the name of the person who gave the Russ peas and the author of the agricultural law!

These are Ivan I Danilovich Kalita, Batya Khan, the Grand Duke of Moscow (1325-1340) and Vladimir (1332-1340), the first “collector of the Russian land”. The same person who remained in the epics of our mother Russia, the kind Tsar Pea, who defeated all enemies and gave the Russian people peace and prosperity. And also peas!

Glory to you forever and ever, the Great Orthodox Sovereign, patron saint, the Tsar Pea!

Of course, Europe, copying Russian history like a monkey, could not help responding to the Tsar Pea and completely entangled in its centuries-old lies, immediately invented its own King Pea. It was the King of France, Louis 13 of the Bourbon dynasty, who ruled from 1610 to 1643. The son of Henry IV and Maria de Medici, who allegedly loved pea porridge and even knew how to cook it (!). You know this king performed by Oleg Tabakov, in a musical about the famous four Musketeers. He was even given a nickname in absentia - Fair. But his image is so pale in comparison with our tsar-father, that I do not want to consider this version, invented at the end of the 20th century.

Those who wish will get acquainted with this filthy self, which has not been washed for decades. Yes, and fair to him, in my opinion, will never be. No wonder the Russian people called pompous fools "bourbons". Therefore, let us finish the story about him, and let them be proud of him in Livonia. We live in Russia!

Cabbage soup and porridge are our food!

I don’t know as a reader, but I went to cook pea porridge. I can offer a recipe too.

Ingredients:

Peas - 1.5 Glasses

Meat bone - 300-400 Grams

Onions - 2 Pieces

Spices - - To taste

Servings: 3-4

Put the bone with meat (pork or beef) in water and cook the broth over medium heat for about an hour.

Approximately in the middle of boiling the broth, add two whole onions to it.

Add spices to the broth. If desired, you can add fresh herbs or some fresh vegetables (peppers, onions, carrots - whatever you want). Cook for another 10 minutes.

We take the meat bone out of the broth, tear off the meat from it with our hands.

Put washed peas in the broth and cook until tender (40-45 minutes over medium heat).

At the very end of cooking the peas, add our meat to the saucepan. Simmer for a couple of minutes - and you're done!

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