How to get rid of psychological energy vampires?

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

As you already understood, I want to write about energy vampires - a modern belief that is shared by many people. I must say right away that I don't really believe in vampires. But I will not argue whether they happen or not - I respect other people's beliefs, even if they cause skepticism in me. I'm interested in something else:

What happens to a person who is being "sucked"?

What is the psychological background of the belief in EV (energy vampires)?

And how to prevent vampires from being scary?

As an epigraph - a dialogue from practice:

“I think there are energy vampires. I have one friend who is very depressed - how I talk to her, as if my whole life has been sucked out of me.

- How do you communicate?

- She whines, and I console.

- It looks like you are wasting your efforts on consolation, are you straining?

- And how!

- So it sucks, or you yourself spend?

People say that they encountered EV, as a rule, after some kind of problematic contact. We talked to some person, and after that we felt exhausted and devastated. And without talking - they just stood there or passed by. It happens that in our environment we constantly encounter someone who, as it were, draws energy out of us. What is the point here, if we consider this situation from a psychological point of view, without involving energetic beliefs?

Vampirism is a simplified way of communicating. It follows from it that we communicate as communicating vessels. Allegedly, our emotions and energy are connected through some channel directly, and freely flow back and forth, like a hose, from A to B. Research in psychology has shown that the real communication scheme is more complicated - not from point A directly to B, but through several intermediate points. Emotions and energy do not flow from one person to another - each person has their own emotions. These emotions are caused not directly by some events and other people, but by how a person perceives and evaluates them. We see another person, somehow evaluate him, this causes us an emotion, we spend energy on this emotion and on controlling it. but it seems that he directly sucked this energy from us. More on these processes below.

I think energetic vampirism is a way to explain our internal processes with the help of an external figure. When communicating with some people, our psyche is so strained that it quickly becomes exhausted. Often we are not aware at this moment that we are tense. Many emotions and psychophysiological states are triggered automatically. And while we are immersed in conversation or thoughts, processes occur with our brain and body, which consume energy. Not astral energy, but quite physical energy - which we receive with food, and spend on the work of the body and psyche.

As a result, the energy is wasted, and a feeling of weakness and weakness suddenly comes to consciousness. And this feeling needs to be explained somehow, because not to understand what is happening to me is very disturbing. And it is difficult to explain this state by rational reasons, because the waste of energy passed by consciousness. Therefore, many people have to resort to metaphysical reasons. And for this, the image of an energy vampire is very convenient - they sucked, drank blood, robbed in broad daylight.

This metaphor is paranoid - the image of someone dangerous prowling around is presented. And you are all so appetizing and sacrificial - vampires only dream of profit. What kind of relationship is this? Persecutor and victim. Being a passive victim of someone's desires, an object of influence is a role that is attractive to many people. It enables regression into the blissful state of an infant with whom something is being done. Like a baby, a person who has been "sucked" is not aware of his internal processes, does not control them, does not bear responsibility for them. He is an object with which something was done against his will, without his conscious choice. This is due to a psychological phenomenon called the external locus of control.

External locus of control- this is the tendency to ascribe responsibility for what is happening to us to external factors - other people, events, elements, fate. The external locus of control often leads to passivity in relation to circumstances - they say, what they give, then eat. An internal locus of control is the tendency to take responsibility for what is happening. An internal locus of control leads to an active attitude towards circumstances. Energy vampires are an external locus of control, its victimized apotheosis, one might say. What internal processes do we explain by external factors?

Social stress … When we meet with another person, we scan him and evaluate - who is that, what brings us, what a collision with him might cost. The brain calculates the appearance of a person, his behavior, correlates these data with previous experience, as well as with biological programs of behavior. When we collide with some people, we feel threatened - the brain gives out a "danger" signal. When we collide with other people, we feel aggression - the brain gives an assessment of "enemy". It also happens that the brain registers sexual attractiveness and issues a signal - "mine!" There are also people who cause the "save" reaction in us - there is an impulse to urgently help a person, the internal Ministry of Emergency Situations is triggered.

It goes without saying that all these very strong impulses are blocked. If we reacted to them with behavior, then when we met with some we would run away in horror, on the second we would throw ourselves with fists, on the third we would tear off their clothes. The psyche suppresses these impulses, but emotions are already running - we felt fear, rage, lust, pity. And the psyche spends energy on coping with these impulses.

Psychophysiological reactions are also running - hormones are released, blood vessels have contracted or expanded, muscles have tensed or become cottony. These bodily reactions turned out to be unclaimed - we did not run away and pounced, but were forced to sit still. And the rest of the energy went to control the body. Muscle tension was not used, the breakdown products of hormones poison the blood - that's a physical ailment. So what was it - you yourself wasted your energy, albeit without realizing? Or who sucked it? I am afraid that it was spent on its own.

The work of protective mechanisms. Belief in energy vampires is, albeit a metaphysical, but a rational explanation of the work of the protective mechanisms of the psyche. And by itself, this explanation, by the way, is already a defense mechanism. which is called rationalization. Protective mechs protect us from internal conflicts, states of dissonance, from those very impulses, from difficultly tolerated emotions.

I think, first of all, in "vampirism" the mechanism of projection is manifested. With its help, our own emotions and thoughts, repressed and rejected by consciousness, are projected onto other people. We have our anxiety, hostility, sexuality, etc. we project onto others - they say, it is not we who feel something dangerous, but they are plotting. The more negatively repressed emotions are, the more anxious and paranoid the projections are. The image of a vampire is an infernal projection of the internal, sorry) This can be frightening, but attributing your negativity to vampires is still calmer than admitting it in yourself. Another thing is that the price is high - emotional and physical exhaustion. It can be avoided by separating oneself from others and defending oneself not with the help of unconscious mechanisms, but with the help of the mind.

There are people who can really be called vampires, psychological - in the sense that it is exhausting to communicate with them. There is such a mechanism, akin to projection - projective identification. This is when a person projects onto you some of his rejected part of the personality, repressed emotion, and enters into an intense relationship with it. That is, as if with you, but in fact with yourself. And if you are not in control of the situation, then you are put in such a position that you really feel the emotions attributed to you. And behave accordingly, being drawn into a debilitating forced relationship. It seems to be vampirism in its purest form, right? Unfortunately no. Of course, they tried to drag you into a pathological relationship, but your choice is that you agreed to get involved, allowed yourself to be pulled in, although there are always ways to get away from this.

Manipulative relationships. This is a relationship in which we unconsciously give a lot of energy, but we believe that it was taken from us by force. This often happens in asymmetrical relationships. Let me explain that I call symmetric relationships at the "adult-adult" level, "I'm fine - you're okay." It can be difficult to maintain such a relationship without slipping into asymmetry. And they also waste energy. But this is a transparent relationship with conscious spending - you know exactly what and why you spent your energy, and there is no need to explain this with metaphysical reasons.

Asymmetric relationships are based on the principle "I'm okay, you're not okay" or vice versa, "I'm not okay, you're okay." These are situations when you are trying to control someone - to patronize or force to patronize you, charm, tie to yourself, keep in fear or submission, etc. Of course, such control takes a lot of effort, especially if the object is resisting. Another option is that someone is compulsively trying to control you, and you are forced to defend yourself, which means spending a lot of energy. Actually, I wrote about such processes above, in the paragraph about projective identification.

But, not so scary. Internal energy costs can be realized and regulated. Not completely, but at least indirectly.

It is not so important whether they actually exist EVs or not. The main thing is that there is such a psychological squiggle that worries many. After all, such unpleasant things as emotional and physical exhaustion are associated with it.

Energy vampires are a paranoid romantic image that can help reduce anxiety. And anxiety arises from the fact that some processes incomprehensible to a person have occurred, due to which he felt fatigue, lethargy, and malaise after communicating with someone. It turns out that there are two basic problems here.

Firstly, in itself the incomprehensibility of these processes - if they were clearer, it would be easier to survive them, because they would not be accompanied by anxiety. Moreover, if you make these processes understandable, then it will be possible to manage them, which means that exhaustion and other troubles can be avoided.

Secondly, the problem is in itself such communication, after which, for some unknown reason, it becomes bad. If you make this communication more understandable and transparent, then you can control it so that

It turns out that the main weapon from the "vampires" is an understanding of their internal processes, their transparency, and hence controllability.

How can a person in specific situations feel and understand their processes? I cannot here give recipes in the spirit of "do it this way", because I do not like them, in the first place. And secondly, because if you have difficulty understanding your states and processes, then specific recipes are unlikely to help.

Why do many people not feel and understand what is happening inside? Perhaps because everything inside is anesthetized and filtered - the threshold of sensitivity is raised so high that poor sensations and emotions cannot cross it and meet consciousness. This means that we behave involuntarily, uncontrollably. This threshold can be lowered if there is a desire to feel and be aware of oneself better.

Sensitivity thresholds depend on attitudes - on how we relate to our internal processes. As a hindrance or as a resource? If as a hindrance, then we drown them out with all sorts of filters - protective mechanisms. If you change your attitudes, and treat your internal processes not as hindrances, but as a resource, you can eventually learn to understand yourself better. What will help in this:

- Attentive and accepting of bodily reactions … Many people are afraid of their bodily sensations, treat them as something undesirable. Such a negative attitude enhances involuntariness - because of it, a person tries to avoid sensations, feels less about his body. But something is constantly happening there - it contracts, expands, gets colder and warmer, butterflies flutter, goosebumps, etc. All this, as it were, tells us something about how we feel in the situation in which we find ourselves. And we don't seem to be listening. If you change the negative attitude to the accepting one, then all these sensations can be realized and used as information about what is happening to you.

- An attentive and accepting attitude towards your emotions … Many people believe that emotions must always match the demands of the situation. It's even better when they keep quiet at all. Such an attitude contributes to the instant displacement of unwanted emotions. After all, they always arise, and very often do not correspond to the situation. More precisely, they correspond, but in their own way - they have their own truth. By suppressing them, we lose a lot. First, energy is wasted on suppression. Secondly, suppressing emotions, we do not understand what is really happening to us. And then we need an external explanation of what is happening to us. And, it was a vampire of energy, for sure!

- Using your previous experience in a meaningful way … The more we live, the more we know about ourselves - what people can cause what reaction in us, to what situations we can react with fear or anger. This experience can be used in many ways. If he becomes a reason for criticizing himself for "inappropriate" reactions, then this will increase involuntary - we will repress more. If we accept our experience, then we will understand our states much better and control our reactions.

If you feel and are aware of your reactions to social and communicative stresses, then half of the problem has already been removed - there is no agonizing anxiety about what is happening to you and what it will lead to. The second half of the problem is also much easier to remove - you take responsibility for your condition, control it no longer by the method of suppression and rejection. The suppressed and rejected no longer demonizes, does not give rise to the fantasy of vampires and other monsters. The state can be managed in another way - by caring.

To show concern is to treat yourself with understanding, to support yourself in difficult times, to realize the relativity of what is happening, to promise yourself a pleasant reward later. Reconsider your goals and methods - do you really need exactly what is so difficult for you. And is it really necessary to achieve this by such complex methods? And, maybe, stop in time in the communication that is difficult for you.

You can change your attitudes on your own, but in this case, you can face increased anxiety and decreased motivation. After all, we have been accustomed to the attitude that our sensations and emotions are dangerous and interfere with, from early childhood, in relationships with significant others. And so simply this installation may not give up. It is more convenient and safer to do this also in a relationship with a professional other, that is, with a psychologist or psychotherapist.

The second problem is draining communication. I don’t want to write about it in detail in this post - this is a separate topic. In addition, a lot has been written about this - and I wrote about it in my blog, and my colleagues write a lot. I just want to add this. So that no one "vampirizes" you, it is desirable, again, to understand the processes occurring in communication both at the level of emotions and at the level of intelligence. And to manage them is not to allow yourself to be drawn into manipulative games that people play. Quit these games if you really don't feel like playing them. I wrote several posts about such things - they are under the "feedback" tag.

That's all, take care of your neck)