Alien sermon

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

“In such a friendly atmosphere, Father Oribaziy never tired of preaching the basics of the faith, day or night. Having recounted the entire Old and New Testaments, the Apocalypse and the Epistles of the Apostles to memnogs, he passed on to the Lives of the Saints, and especially put a lot of zeal into the glorification of the holy martyrs. Poor … that has always been his weakness …

Overcoming his excitement, Father Lazimon continued in a trembling voice:

- He spoke to them about Saint John, who deserved the martyr's crown, when he was boiled alive in oil; about Saint Agnes, who for the sake of faith allowed her head to be cut off; about Saint Sebastian, pierced by hundreds of arrows and enduring cruel torments, for which he was greeted in paradise with angelic praise; about holy virgins, quartered, strangled, wheeled, burned over a low fire. They accepted all this torment with delight, knowing that this deserved a place at the right hand of the Almighty. When he told the memnogs about all these exemplary lives, they began to look at each other, and the eldest of them timidly asked:

- Our glorious shepherd, preacher and worthy father, tell us, if you will only deign to condescend to your humble servants, will the soul of everyone who is ready for martyrdom go to heaven?

- Certainly, my son! - answered Father Oribaziy.

- Yes? This is very good … - held out the memnog. - And you, spiritual father, do you want to go to heaven?

“This is my most ardent desire, my son.

- And you would like to become a saint? the oldest memnog continued to ask.

- My son, who would not want this? But where am I, a sinner, to such a high rank; to embark on this path, you need to strain all your strength and strive tirelessly, with humility in your heart …

- So you would like to become a saint? - again asked the memnog and looked encouragingly at his comrades, who in the meantime had risen from their seats.

- Of course, my son.

- Well, we'll help you!

- How is it, my dear sheep? - asked, smiling, Father Oribaziy, rejoicing at the naive zeal of his faithful flock.

In response, the memnogs gently but firmly took him by the arms and said:

- Such, father, which you yourself taught us!

Then they first flayed his back and smeared this place with hot tar, as the executioner did with Saint Jacinth in Ireland, then they chopped off his left leg, like the pagans to Saint Paphnutius, then ripped open his stomach and stuffed an armful of straw into it, like the blessed Elizabeth of Normandy, after which they impaled him, like Saint Hugo, broke all his ribs, like the Syracusans to Saint Henry of Padua, and burned him slowly, over low fire, like the Burgundians of the Virgin of Orleans. And then they took a deep breath, washed themselves and began to mourn bitterly for their lost shepherd. I found them doing this, when, circling the stars of the diocese, I came to this parish.

When I heard about what had happened, my hair stood on end. Wringing my hands, I cried out:

- Unworthy rascals! Hell is not enough for you! Do you know that you have ruined your souls forever ?!

- And how, - they answered, sobbing, - we know!

The same old memnog got up and said to me:

- Venerable Father, we know well that we have doomed ourselves to damnation and eternal torment, and before deciding on this matter, we withstood a terrible spiritual struggle; but Father Oribaziy tirelessly repeated to us that there is nothing that a good Christian would not do for his neighbor, that you need to give him everything and be ready for everything for him. Therefore, we renounced the salvation of the soul, although with great despair, and thought only of the fact that the dear Father Oribaziy would receive a martyr's crown and holiness. We cannot express how hard it was for us, because before his arrival, none of us had offended a fly. More than once we asked him, begged him on our knees to have mercy and soften the severity of the instructions of faith, but he categorically asserted that for the sake of our beloved neighbor, everything should be done without exception.

Then we saw that we could not refuse him, for we are insignificant beings and not at all worthy of this holy man, who deserves complete self-denial on our part. And we fervently believe that we have succeeded in our work and that Father Oribaziy is now numbered among the righteous in heaven. Here's to you, venerable father, a bag of money that we have collected for canonization: this is how it is necessary, Father Oribazy, answering our questions, explained everything in detail. I must say that we applied only his favorite tortures, which he narrated with the greatest delight. We thought to please him, but he resisted everything and especially did not want to drink boiling lead.

However, we did not admit the thought that our shepherd told us one thing and thought another … The cries he uttered were only an expression of dissatisfaction with the lower, bodily parts of his nature, and we did not pay attention to them, remembering that it was necessary to humiliate the flesh, so that the spirit would ascend all the more. Wishing to encourage him, we reminded him of the teachings that he read to us, but Father Oribaziy answered this with only one word, which was not at all understandable and not intelligible; we do not know what it means, for they did not find it either in the prayer books that he handed out to us, or in the Holy Scriptures.

Having finished his story, Father Lazimon wiped sweat from his brow, and we sat in silence for a long time until the gray-haired Dominican spoke again:

- Well, tell now yourself, what is it like to be a shepherd of souls in such conditions ?!