Golden Tips: How to Communicate Wisely with Aging Parents?

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

Is it difficult for you to communicate with old people? Does it happen that in a conversation with them you get angry and annoyed? Why is this happening? Perhaps because they constantly criticize, advise, and interfere with your life? So what to do about it?

The answer to this question is known by the artist Alexander Galitsky, in the past - an art director in a large company. Now Alexander works in a nursing home, where he leads a woodcarving circle. Most of his students are over 80.

In the book “Mom, Don't Cry! How to learn how to communicate with elderly parents and at the same time not go crazy yourself”Alexander Galitsky explains to young people how to communicate correctly with elderly people.

Here are the basic rules for dealing with old people, which he deduced over the years of working with them.

1) Do not argue with older people, do not try to convince them of something

This is impossible to do. If you continue to argue - only spoil the relationship. You can't fix them, you have to put up with it. Try to change, first of all, yourself. Change your attitude to what is happening.

When you are inside a situation, you see only one side of the coin: how capricious and harmful your old people are, how much they cause inconvenience … Try to put yourself in their place - and you will see that they feel very bad.

“These are their last years. They are afraid of illness, their own weakness, boredom, their own uselessness and uselessness, death, in the end.

And the realization that it won't be better, it will only get worse, is especially oppressive."

2) Take control of the situation

Do you have elderly parents and they annoy you? Of course, it is not easy to come to terms with what they have become. After all, you remember them completely different! It means that the moment has come to take control into our own hands. How to do it?

Imperceptibly change the vector of relations: stop communicating with parents aspirated, stop making excuses, explaining, and playing the role of a child. This is a long and complicated process. Be patient and use your sense of humor.

“A laughing old man is not dangerous. With the help of a joke - any, even not the most successful one - you can defuse almost any dangerous situation that arises in communication with an elderly person."

Take the reins into your own hands gradually, without pressure. To the parents' questions, "What did you do?", "Where have you been?" you cannot answer. Instead of answering, joke or ask counter questions. This is confusing.

Do not come into conflict with old people - it is useless. Even when it comes to human safety and health, do not make your claims, look for a different approach.

3) Don't remind old people about painful things

Old people appreciate everything that in one way or another can distract them from unpleasant physical sensations, bad thoughts and experiences.

Therefore, if you want to please your elderly parents, do not give them a pressure cooker, coffee maker, washing machine, etc. Do you think that such a practical gift will certainly bring them joy? Will not deliver.

If you really want to please older parents, give them your time. But, of course, not some empty, boring and overwhelming. Choose a quality, bright, unusual time for the gift.

Plus, the more time you spend with your parents, the longer they will live. You can read about such an interesting fact at this link.

4) Accept old people as they are

There is only one way to improve your relationship with older parents. Understand and accept one simple fact: from now on, your relationship will only be so - complex and contradictory.

Give old people the opportunity to be who they are. Respect their children's choices. Do stupid requests. Don't take their ideas seriously.

5) Put yourself in their shoes

We will all grow old sooner or later. Someone already at a young age feels like an old man. Elderly relatives came closest to the final stop. You will get there too - it's only a matter of time.

Therefore, try to consider yourself in older parents. After all, you, too, someday find yourself in their role. It’s scary to think about it, but it’s a relief over time.

Remember: communication with old people is, in a sense, communication with oneself, compassion and love for them is love for oneself in old age.

6) Goodbye

Start every day with a clean slate. Don't drag yesterday's grievances into today. Remember: your parents are the people you are closest to. “Okay, let's go,” - from which motto you get tired of adopting.

Don't drag the negative further. Forget the troubles. Don't argue with old people. Greet the new day - and your old people - with a smile.

7) Don't blame yourself

“I'm missing something” is the thought that comes to mind of many middle-aged people when they reflect on their relationship with their parents.

“But we are not to blame. The time is to blame, - says Alexander Galitsky. - The reverse aging process is always depressing.

Remember the joke? The pessimist says that it couldn't be worse, the optimist says that you, of course, can! This is what is happening before our eyes."

But we are not to blame for the aging of our loved ones.

8) Don't expect pleasure from communication

Communication with an elderly person is a business that requires experience and knowledge. It is especially difficult to talk to an old man tete-a-tete. Before the conversation, tune in to the fact that it will not be easy. Do not expect pleasure from such a conversation - then you will not be disappointed.

“When I come to classes with my students, I know that my fatigue does not depend on time. I can get tired with one of them in 10 seconds. But I'm ready for this. I understand why I am annoyed, what makes me angry.

Remember - old people seem like worthless creatures to themselves. And our interest in them is a gift for them!”Galitsky writes.

9) Show a genuine interest in the elderly

Elderly people find it difficult to believe that someone needs them. It is difficult for them to look at themselves in the mirror, they do not like themselves. Your interest in them will help your relationship.

10) Study the specifications of your old man

According to Alexander, we get annoyed in the presence of old people, because we do not understand one simple fact: the person next to us is different. He sees poorly, hears poorly, walks poorly, not to mention what's inside. He only looks like us. And time flows differently for him.

“Understand: old people are people who live in a different coordinate system,” says Alexander.