How to teach a child independence

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

Often parents are faced with the fact that their child is already 8 years old, but he still cannot collect a portfolio for schools, clean his shoes and make a bed without the help of his mother.

When a child asks for help from parents or someone from an adult to solve simple questions: how to clean up toys, a plate, how to clean shoes from dirt, etc., this means that he is growing up as a dependent person. On the other hand, this is not the child's fault. After all, why do something yourself, if there is a beloved grandmother at hand, who is ready, in the literal sense of the word, to carry her grandson in her arms and mom and dad, who do not cherish a soul in their child.

Often this attitude towards your child leads to big problems in the future: the child is absolutely not prepared for an independent life. And as an adult woman or man she will resort to the elementary help of her parents.

What are the reasons why children grow up dependent? The roots lie, of course, in upbringing. Now, under the influence of a large number of books and television programs, parents devote more time to such issues as the child's personality, early development, health issues, and sometimes they miss such an important component of his experience as independence. And, of course, you need to take into account the styles of family education:

- Authoritarian- with this style, the actions and deeds of the child are monitored, guided, controlled, constantly given instructions and monitored for the quality of their implementation. Self-reliance and initiative are suppressed. Physical punishment is often used. The child, as a rule, grows up insecure, intimidated, in conflict with peers. Adolescence is likely to have a difficult crisis period that will make life difficult for parents so much that they feel helpless. Of course, the child grows up dependent.

- Hyper-protective style- the name itself already tells us that independence with this style of upbringing is completely in the hands of the parents. Moreover, all spheres are under control: psychological, physical, social. Parents strive to take all decisions in the child's life. As a rule, these parents either have lost their first child, or have been waiting for a baby for a long time and now fears do not give them the opportunity to trust. Unfortunately, with this style of upbringing, children grow up dependent, dependent on their parents, the environment, anxious, infantile (there is childishness), insecure. They can receive help from their parents up to 40 years old and ask for advice on how to act in a given situation. Responsibility for situations in life is shifted to loved ones, protecting themselves from feelings of guilt. A dependent child grows up with difficulties in society, it is difficult for him to establish contacts with persons of the opposite sex.

- Chaotic styleparenting is one of the most difficult for a child, because there are no clear boundaries and rules. The child is often anxious, there is no sense of security and stability. The upbringing of parents is based on duality, when each of them seeks to realize their opinions about the child and any decision is challenged by another adult. A conflict family environment forms a neurotic personality, anxious and dependent. Since there is no role model, because everything is under criticism, there is no confidence in what and how to do the child is growing dependent, full of doubts and negative expectations.

- Liberal conniving stylefamily education (hypo-care). Education is built on permissiveness and irresponsibility on the part of the child. The wishes and requirements of children are the law, parents do their best to satisfy the wishes of the child, independence is encouraged, but parental initiative often blocks the child's desire to be independent. It is easier for him to shift everything to his parents. Children grow up dependent, selfish, shifting all the initiative to their loved ones. Relationships in society are built according to the type of user relationships, which causes difficulties in establishing and developing contacts.

- Alienated style- parents are indifferent to the personality of the child. They feed and clothe him - these are the main components of their efforts. The interests of the child, his predilections go unnoticed by the parents. The child has the opportunity to show independence in any area, but without mistakes. If these mistakes complicate the life of the parents (strain them), then punishment, shouting or reproaches are possible. Unfortunately, with this style of upbringing, an independent child feels a constant lack of attention from parents and loved ones. Their independence is very developed and in life they are able to achieve a lot, but it is safe to say that they are deeply unhappy. They can be lonely, insecure, sometimes aggressive people. They have a heightened sense of injustice, which makes it difficult to form relationships in society.

- Democratic style upbringing is characterized by positive and progressive positions of the parents in relation to the child. Initiative and independence is developed and encouraged by parents. The child is in the spotlight, but at the same time, the parents strive not to forget about themselves, thereby showing the child that each family member has its own value. The love and support of the parents helps us to accept failures in the experience. Treating children as equal partners, therefore sometimes parents' requirements for children can be overstated. Children are brought up in an atmosphere of acceptance and exactingness, firmness and discipline. In the future, a person will grow up who will rely on their decisions and be responsible for their implementation.

In fact, it is difficult to adhere to one parenting style, so most often all styles are reflected to one degree or another in the reality of the family. It's like a constructor that is used in the structure of a child's personality. The main thing is not to forget that the task of parents is to teach their children independence so that they can rely on themselves and build their lives responsibly. Then you can count on the fact that he will live his life the way he wants.

Self-reliance is like a code embedded in the aspirations of every child. To develop it and strengthen the child's internal position in this matter, it is necessary to encourage, support and, of course, develop it. All children show independence, so there is no need to artificially create anything. The main thing is not to interfere, and to contribute even when the results of the child's independence were unsuccessful. Support, believe and tell him about it. For example: "You are great", "Let's tell dad how independent you are." Encourage children to set the table before meals, go to the dacha, take care of animals. And evaluate positively, but not exaggerating - praise for the actual results achieved. If a boy wants to help his dad in the garage, he must take him with him, but at the same time do not shout and say that he is annoying him, but rather give him such a task that the child will be able to do and he can easily cope with it. Then appreciate his efforts and thank him. After a while, he will be a good helper. And the merit in this is precisely the parents.

A child's independent manifestation of activity is always focused on praise, on a desire to please parents. Therefore, more than anything else, the independence of the child is afraid of criticism. Avoid her. Focus not on the results, but on the fact that the child is actively involved, although sometimes this participation makes life difficult for the parents. Patience and love will help you raise your child to be independent.

Usually, parents are faced with the lack of independence of the child when he begins to go to school. And at this age, parents begin to engage (or not to engage) in education. It is important to note that this needs to be done much earlier, then you can achieve great success in this difficult matter.

If a child is taught independence from childhood, this solves many problems: you should not worry about him, leaving him alone at home, you will always be sure that your child will dress correctly for school, will be able to have breakfast on his own in the future, he will be taught to think and think without resorting to the help of parents and grandparents whenever necessary. Allow the child to solve their questions on their own, if you see that he cannot do this, try to push on the correct conclusion, but in no case, do not do it instead.