How to teach a child to defend their opinion?

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

In order for a shy child to truly be liberated, teach him to defend his own opinion. And not somewhere out there, away from home, but above all here, in your apartment, in conversations and disputes with you. Of course, without rudeness and rudeness, but you, too, do not boil over when you run into disagreement.

Children from 2 to 5 years old

There is an interesting test with which you can find out It haswhether your little child own opinion … Whether he is independent in his behavior or is easily suggestible.

Several children are seated at the table. A plate of porridge is placed in the middle of the table. The whole porridge is sprinkled with sugar, except for one area, which is sprinkled with salt. An adult gives each child in turn to taste the porridge (do not forget that everyone should have their own spoon), and asks the question: “Is the porridge tasty? Sweet? . Everyone receives a spoonful of sweet porridge, and the last (subject) tastes salty, not tasty porridge. If the child is suggestible, then he will answer like everyone else that the porridge is sweet.

But do not rush to blame and even more so to shame your child if he did not live up to your expectations. “To be like everyone else” is very important for a child. The child learns to live in a society with rules and norms that need to be learned.

Do you yourself have your own opinion or are you inspired? If 50 people around you say blue is green, how will you answer?

Primary school children

During this period, children are most often collectivists. They put the opinion of a class or group of friends above their own. And if the child gets into a "bad company" … You need to talk and prepare the child for such situations. The conversation should be conducted by a person who has authority in the eyes of the child:

“How many times have you been asked to do something bad? Maybe you were even encouraged: "Come on, don't be afraid!" Or they said: "There is nothing wrong with that, on the contrary, it will be fun!" What did you do? Gave up and did what they were pushing you to or showed firmness of mind and did not succumb to persuasion?

Imagine that someone invites you to eat pills. You will be told that it will make you more fun and you will feel great. But it could be drugs. From them you can get seriously ill and even die. Or they may offer you a cigarette that also contains drugs and say: "Let's smoke, don't be afraid!" What will you do?

Is it wise to put your life in danger? Don't listen to anyone trying to make you do something bad!

It's easy to do the right thing when everyone else does it. But when others push you to do bad things, it can be a real test.

No matter how others convince you, do not go against your principles. Have your opinion, consult with people who love you. " Tell your child about the experiments and show the videos described and shown below. He must understand that "you cannot please everyone."

Adults

People tend to check their perceptions and opinions with the opinions and perceptions of those around them. This happens unconsciously. We seek the approval of others for fear of being wrong.

Psychologists conducted an experiment. Several subjects were asked in turn to describe a "psychological portrait" by looking at a photograph of a person. Some were told that they were facing a dangerous criminal, others that a great scientist. As a result, all the subjects named the qualities inherent in a criminal or a pilot, depending on the attitude given to them. We see what we want to see. Depending on what information our brain has about the analyzed object or event. And we are sure that this is our own opinion.

Is it possible to teach a child to have an opinion?

Of course you can and should! The main thing is to be patient and find time (which is so often lacking). The secret is simple - let your child think for himself and make independent decisions. Guide it carefully, do not lead it by the handle. If the child asks a question that he can decide for himself, postpone the answer. And then give a hint with leading questions. "Mom, where is my hat?" “Where did you last see her? When did you wear it? Couldn't you throw it into the basket with dirty laundry? " etc. You are an example for your child. Always keep this in mind and have your opinion.

To teach a child to defend his own opinion, you must first take an interest in this opinion. How does it happen? They communicate with him mainly in the form of orders and instructions: “Wash your hands, go to dinner, put away toys, go to bed. When you watch a cartoon, you need to turn off the TV. The removed clothes are hung on a chair, not scattered on the floor. " And immeasurably less often phrases like: "What should you cook for dinner today: potatoes with mushrooms or pilaf?" And even if sometimes they sound, the answer: "Scrambled eggs", knocks out of the rut. How about scrambled eggs? They eat it in the morning! And it begins …

Well, there is nothing to say about questions like "Why do you think?.." The word "why" usually sounds in a completely different context. ("Why are you behaving this way?"

I offer you a little test: for 2-3 days, go around the house with a notebook and put a checkmark on one sheet when you give instructions to your child, and on the other when you are interested in his opinion. I think the result will impress you.

1. "NICE DOUBLE" (for children 4-7 years old)

The presenter agrees with the children that they repeat all of his gestures, except for one, instead of which they make their own, also a predetermined gesture (for example, when he jumps, they will have to sit down). Anyone who makes a mistake is out of the game.

With children 6-7 years old, you can, firstly, increase the number of unrepeatable gestures, and secondly, individualize them. Each child will have to do something different. That is, he will have a goal not to succumb not only to the presenter's suggestion, but also to the influence of other players. And this is not so easy, given that truly shy children are very suggestible.

2. "REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR" (for children 7-10 years old)

The rules seem to be even simpler than in the previous game:

repeat the presenter's gestures - and that's it. But just portray his double in the mirror. Whoever makes a mistake is out of the game. However, despite the seeming simplicity of this game, it is not easy to win. Children are likely to get confused when necessary, say, bending to the left when the leader bends to the right. Therefore, tasks need to be complicated gradually. At first, the ratio of gestures that are completely copied to movements that require mental adjustment should be approximately 7: 1. For example: they sat down, straightened up, jumped, leaned forward, straightened up, stood up on tiptoes, dropped down, raised their RIGHT hand (the "reflection" raises the left). Then it should be reduced. But keep in mind that the most difficult thing is not when the ratio becomes 1: 7, but when the "mirror" and "non-mirror" movements are alternated. (1: 1 or 2: 1).

3. "LATE MIRROR" (for children 8-14 years old)

The players sit in a circle. They need to imagine that they are preening in front of a mirror. We made one movement, stopped for a second, looked in the mirror. Another movement is a pause, a third is a pause. The neighbor on the left should repeat the leader's movement, but only when he starts the second movement. The third one from the left will also repeat this, but with a delay already two steps (i.e. when his right neighbor starts to reproduce the second movement of the leader, and the leader himself will make the third movement). Thus, the last player will have to keep in mind a lot of previous movements, therefore, children of 8-9 years old should not play in a large composition, they cannot do such a load.

4."TYPE TYPE" (for children 6-14 years old)

An adult presenter distributes letters of the alphabet between the children. Then the presenter says a word, and the players "print" it on a "typewriter": first the first "letter" claps their hands, then the second, etc. If the children are small and there are few of them, distribute not all, but a few letters, and put them together in short words.

5. "STRONG DONKEY" (for children 4-5 years old)

Truly shy children are docile. Parents almost never complain about their stubbornness and negativism. A child of a different kind begins to rebel when pressured on him. And the "invisible" endure, although the force of pressure exerted on them by their parents is usually greater than in other families.

Therefore, it is useful for a truly shy child to be stubborn at least in the game. Do not be afraid, he will not take on bad habits, but simply loosen up a little more. Moreover, according to the plot, the donkey will find itself in funny and ridiculous situations. The game is played on a screen. Everything should revolve around the donkey's unwillingness to obey the owner. Here he comes loaded from the bazaar and halfway lies down on the road, refusing to go any further. Here he saw an appetizing thorn and runs to her, not succumbing to the persuasion of the owner. And then it is silent when it is necessary to shout, and vice versa, it shouts when it is necessary to be silent, etc. Ask the child's opinion (but not at the very beginning of the game, but a little later), whether the donkey has a kind owner, whether he loads the donkey too much with various tasks. Maybe the donkey just gets tired and therefore stubborn? Change roles as you play.

6. "Daughters-mothers" (for children 5-8 years old)

It is useful for a shy girl to play with her mother, who will play the role of a daughter. And in this case, the mother should not be in charge of the game. Her task is exactly the opposite: to completely submit to the will of her daughter, trying not to introduce into the game the usual stereotypes of family relationships. I warn you in advance, this is not an easy task. So watch yourself both!

7. "WHO HAS MORE CONSIDERATIONS?" (for children 7-14 years old)

The host makes a statement, and the players confirm it. You can give as arguments and some examples from life. (Sometimes it's easier for children.) If a lot of children take part in the game, a shy child runs the risk of being left in the shadows, so three of them should play, or even better, together. If you notice that the child is struggling, tactfully help him with leading questions.

Examples of statements:

- It is useful to read (because …).

- Fighting is bad (because …).

- It is better to do the lessons quickly.

- It is better to have many friends than few.

- Having a dog is great!

- Five is better than four.

8. "HOW TO SAY IT …" (for children 10-14 years old)

This time, not so indisputable statements are chosen, and the players will have to not only confirm them, but also refute them. For instance:

- It's good to have a lot of money (someone will probably mention thieves and the mafia, and an older child, especially who loves to read, will probably remember the motive of the experiences of rich people, which is quite common in literature, suspecting others that they do not love him, but only his capital).

- It's always good to win.

- When they make comments to you, it is unpleasant.

- Sitting at home alone is boring.

- Adults are always right.

- Watching TV is harmful.

9. "SLEEPING SPORTER" (for children 10-14 years old)

With older children, you can try to complicate the game "Who has more reasons?" and try to come up with counterarguments to the above (and similar) statements.

For example, the statement “Reading is useful” will not at all be perceived as an axiom for people with severe myopia (and even depending on which books to read, and even depending on what time - reading at one in the morning will bring the child more harm than good!).

Fighting, of course, is bad, but having a falling out with the person who hurt either you or your friend, you will feel right. And in general, it is better to end the lessons quickly, but if they are done playfully, go ahead, it is unlikely that this will delight the teacher. A four in Russian is better than a five in physical education. At least this is the opinion of the overwhelming majority of parents. And with the dog everything is not so simple …