Marriage Crisis: What Will Replace Monogamy?

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

In the first months of the epidemic, China recorded a record number of divorces. Sociologists predict a complete restructuring of communication between people - including within the family. But in fact, these processes were launched long before the coronavirus. Forbes Life decided to figure out what transformations of the institution of family and relationships we can expect in the future.

Is romance everything? At least this is hinted at by the statistics of recent years. In his book Living Solo, sociologist Eric Kleinenberg says that in the United States today, about half of adults are single. And the number of singles around the world from 1996 to 2006 alone grew by 33%. There is no reason to believe that this trend will soon turn in the other direction - the "traditional family" is likely to fade into the past more and more rapidly.

Still, man is a biosocial animal, and relationships with others are important to us. Close contact with partners is what helps us release the hormone oxytocin, which is critical for physical and mental health. This means that even if the classic marriage fades into oblivion, something must replace it. Let's try to figure out what transformations of the institution of family, relationships and sex we can expect in the future.

Serial monogamy

Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins in his book "The Selfish Gene" provides many mathematical calculations, after which he comes to the conclusion that monogamy for humans and many closely related animal species is the most effective strategy.

But does this mean that we must “be together until death do us part”?

Of course not. "By nature" is enough monogamy for 3-4 years - to conceive, give birth and raise a child. It is this “lifespan” of monogamy that is confirmed by the studies of the anthropologist Helen Fisher. She has performed brain MRI scans of people who are in a state of acute love and those who are in older relationships. It turned out that the work of the "reward system" of the brain, which produces dopamine, eventually ceases to be so strongly aroused in response to the presence of the same partner.

In addition, research by Finnish scientists shows that women who have been in a monogamous relationship for 7 years have much lower libido than singles and those who have recently found a new partner. Today, the average number of partners in people in developed countries is five to seven people in a lifetime. At the same time, the number of marriages in almost all OECD countries is falling rapidly, and the number of divorces is growing.

It can be assumed that the choice of serial monogamy - that is, changing partners every few years - will become one of the main trends in future relationships. Gradually, more and more people will abandon the idea of "together forever" - especially given the prospect of radically prolonging life - and end the relationship as soon as they stop spiking dopamine and oxytocin.

Relationships "according to science"

Most of us grew up under the influence of the myth of romantic love, which will overcome all obstacles and bring unprecedented happiness. But there was little evidence of this - only subjective eyewitness accounts, as well as fictional fiction in books and films.

Now, with the development of science, it has become possible to fairly accurately assess how romantic relationships really affect the body.

For example, in this study, Australian scientists monitored the mental health of 3,820 respondents - and correlated their answers with the quality of their personal relationships. It turned out (quite expectedly) that only a successful union reduces the risks of depression and anxiety.

Another thing is interesting: firstly, unsuccessful relationships are more harmful for women than for men. For them, they increase the likelihood of anxiety disorder, while they do not affect men in any way. Secondly, and most importantly, the quality of a romantic relationship can be quantified - for example, using the DAS-7 questionnaire. If you gain less than 25 points on it, then it is better to end such a relationship.

It seems that the times are not far off when people will make the decision to start a relationship not at the call of their hearts, but according to the data of tests and examinations. Take questionnaires, get a functional MRI to determine the response of your brain to your partner, get tested for oxytocin and the oxytocin receptor gene - and you can, with a fairly high probability, determine the outcome of your romance.

Platonic parenting

What about children, you ask? Although fertility has long and desperately declined in developed (and even some developing) countries, many people still want to become parents. But raising children alone is hard, and frequent partner changes - that same serial monogamy - increases the child's risk of antisocial behavior in the future. What to do?

Scientists have put forward various hypotheses as to why serial monogamy is harmful to children. Among the leading ideas is the assumption that the child is most affected by instability. It is important for children as they grow up to have one or more reliable, significant adults in their environment, a stable family system, and consistent parenting rules. The constant transition of a mother or father from one relationship to another shakes this system - and this is reflected in the psyche of children.

Fortunately, people have already figured out how to solve this problem without forcing themselves to endure years of unsatisfactory romantic relationships "for the sake of the children." The way out is platonic parenting. This approach assumes that the birth and upbringing of children should generally be "untied" from romance: love relationships are separate, a strong union for raising a child is separate.

Already, at least 100 thousand people are registered on sites where you can find a partner in platonic parenting. At least 100 children were born after "matches" on such sites. And the legislation of different countries is beginning to change, allowing platonic parents to acquire joint parental rights (in some places one child may have as many as 4 parents!).

Experts believe that such new approaches to parenting will change even urban architecture. Parents do not have to live together: they can live in a small neighborhood such as a commune or townhouse, so that everyone is close enough to their common children, but at the same time have their own personal space.

After the sexual revolution died down, interest in sex - at least in real sex between people - began to plummet. This is especially noticeable in the behavior of young people.

Between 1991 and 2017, the number of American schoolchildren who had already begun sexual activity fell from 54% to 40%. Now in the US, people in their twenties are 2.5 times more likely to abstain than their Gen X parents. In Japan, millennials are also giving up sex - as many as a quarter of people between the ages of 18 and 39 have never even had sex! Sociologists confirm that this is a global trend: younger generations are less and less interested in sex.

What will the sex life of mankind hold in the future? Toys, robots, VR porn - all this allows you to get high-quality relaxation alone, without unnecessary effort and risk.

And the popularity of such leisure activities is growing. The number of requests for "VR porn" on PornHub, for example, grew by 440% in 2016 alone. According to the data for 2019, VR porn takes a solid third place in the search for an aggregator.

And sex robots are becoming more personalized, learning to speak and joke, and finally developing models for women. They promise that in the near future robots will become even more "human" - for example, they will start to sweat and release grease. Why do you need sex with other people with such toys?

Scientists have even come up with a name for such a sexual "orientation" of the future - digisexuality. A person with this "orientation" will have sex primarily or exclusively with machines. And, on the one hand, there is nothing wrong with that. On the other hand, critics believe that "digisexuality" dehumanizes sex - and this can result in a new wave of violence against people, especially women. Let's hope good laws save us.

New motivation

In the past, the main reason for getting in a relationship and getting married was economic - it was easier to survive together than alone. Now this is no longer relevant. The myth of romantic love lasted for a while, but modern science has proven that on a biochemical level, love does (most often) live for three years or so. This means that today people need new reasons to enter into relationships and new models of these very relationships.

As we mentioned earlier, quality union reduces the risk of depression and anxiety disorder. Also, people in relationships smoke and drink less often - and thanks to this, they may end up being healthier than singles. Many people sleep better with their partner - but only if the woman in the couple is happy with the relationship. In the end, it's just nice!

And to increase satisfaction with relationships in a changing world, psychologists suggest the following strategies

Living in different houses - that is, practicing guest marriage or guest relationships.

Getting into relationships and getting married for reasons other than romantic love: friendship, parenting, financial stability. You can even raise children together without having a sexual relationship in principle.

Establish non-monogamous relationships, from monogamous relationships in which flirting / kissing with others is allowed, to polygamy and polyamory.

"Allowing" yourself to marry and divorce throughout your life, not counting divorce as a "failure."

If you are a childfree, don't force yourself to have children just because it is “supposed” to be a “normal family”. By the way, some studies show that couples without children are the happiest in relationships.