Women's sexuality between two fires

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

On the one hand, everything that is somehow connected with female sexuality is still taboo. Such a harsh: "no". A woman is still blamed for her desires, her body and appearance, her behavior. On the other hand, there is the pressure of the trend: "it is necessary". When sexuality, sensuality, understanding of your body, external emancipation is a kind of duty for the right woman. When, without a desire to demonstrate to others her sexuality and emphasize her femininity, a woman feels inferior.

And somewhere between these two extremes, millions of Russian women live. They live in anxiety and insecurity. They don't understand what is right and what is wrong. What is natural and what is just pretense. They are looking for guidelines, but in response they too often hear only radical positions, be it a feminist agenda, or a return to traditionalist attitudes. It's very hard for them. According to all sociological polls, more than a third of Russian women assess their sex life negatively. They continue to feel constrained and insecure.

Researchers (culturologists, sociologists, psychologists) point out that such a contradictory situation has arisen in Russian society due to the forced “sexual revolution”. There was a near-traditionalist superstructure of Soviet society, when female sexuality was of a formal utilitarian nature. Beauty, femininity, sensuality - all this was rather rigidly determined. The woman had clear social roles: mother, wife, worker. Their own models of behavior within each of these roles. Their external attributes, when, as a mother and wife, it was worth looking in a certain way. At work, a different "dress code" was prepared for the woman. One more on vacation. At holiday events, the other. Such a stamped factory assembly, which, thanks to the tools of mass society, extended to the entire Soviet society. A woman in Moscow lived about the same life as a woman in the Urals or somewhere in the North. She also dressed. She also behaved with men, with girlfriends, with children. And even sex life was limited by the necessity of marriage. And the low contraceptive culture also formed the negative dynamics of sexual relations within the marriage. That is, sex was equated with conception. If the couple did not want to replenish the family, then there was often no sex.

Also, Soviet society was very complex in the everyday sense. There was no sovereign personal space even at the family level. I had to share living space with relatives or roommates in communal apartments. All this also did not contribute to the development of an individual perception of oneself. The goods and services were also extremely monotonous: hair, makeup, shoes, outerwear, etc. - all this was very standardized for all women in the USSR.

And then there was a sharp breakdown of the old superstructure and the "indecent" fruits of the half-century Western sexual revolution fell on the "decent" Soviet women. Sex has become a new religion. Not even in the "now possible" status, but in the obligatory "now needed" form. You need to show your sexuality, your individuality, your sensuality, your informality. It is necessary to deny everything old and be inspired by everything new. More passion, more energy, more outward manifestations of emancipation.

Of course, this all led to a collapse. You cannot sharply bombard post-Soviet society with the fact that its entire history was alien to it, and expect that this will quickly take root and become the new norm. From here came the traditionalist rebound of the early 2000s, when too free ideas about sexuality and the new role of women in society simply frightened many women who grew up with different attitudes. Throughout the nineties, they endured this "revolution", and then gave out their logical "do not accept", which still sounds very clear and loud.

And this struggle between two tough positions does not bode well for Russian society. Questions of sexuality, sexuality education, the role of women in society are not questions that have unambiguous answers. It's okay to be ashamed of your body and be sexually enslaved, and to consider sexual expression unacceptable and indecent. It is as much a woman's right to wear a revealing miniskirt and swipe a new partner in a tinder every Friday. Two such extremes, as well as millions of others, are all part of the larger norm. The only general rule for all of us, regardless of our gender, is a tolerant attitude towards the diversity that shapes the modern world.

Feminine sexuality is a customization that can be anything. Dependent on someone else's opinion or independent. She can have any options. Even the most radical ones, like giving up sex or, on the contrary, some special sexual practices. Women's sexuality is physiology. This is health. The desire to engage in sexual relations, the desire to project your feelings onto others are not only social practices, but also the individual characteristics of the development of the body of each particular woman. Moreover, in different periods of life, these physiological features may be different. Yes, even within one menstrual cycle, a woman experiences a lot of different "sexuality". Her sense of herself and her partner varies in different directions.

We need to learn how to adapt to this. To all of us: both men and women. To be ready for the special status of female sexuality, which will be unusual for our society for a long time to come. Do not idealize and assume that the idea of an open Pandora's box will solve all problems by itself. That simply to take and give everyone the freedom to “be yourself” is a way out. No, we need to study female sexuality and educate our society about the results of this research. For example, until now, such an important organ for female sexuality as the clitoris remains minimally studied.

Of course, Cosmo magazine or some sex bloggers can tell you a lot of "simple tips" on how to properly handle it, but this is rather a limiting agenda. Indeed, behind each "10 ways how to get an orgasm" there are thousands of women who feel their body differently than described in these 10 ways. And this difference makes them feel uncomfortable and unsure that they feel right about themselves and their partner. This forms much more complexes than the limiting model of the traditionalist superstructure.

Sex, sexual behavior, sexuality are not linear or even cyclical. It is a waterfall model with many components. A woman's desires can be influenced by many factors. From curiosity to imprinting. From social attitudes to religious beliefs. From the desire to gain some kind of financial or social status, thanks to your body and your sexuality, to emotional satisfaction.

The very fact of a woman's satisfaction from sex is not some clear-cut formulation of "female orgasm." And also a multi-component story, where orgasm is sometimes not necessary at all. There is motivation for sex, there are sexual stimuli, there is a setting and accompanying personal experience, there is a physiology of sexual arousal, there is interaction with a partner or the absence of a partner, there is an effect of spontaneity. All of this ultimately determines the final effect of satisfaction from sex. And each of these parameters is individual and specific in each individual sexual intercourse.

We live in an era when we are just getting used to the fact that we are surrounded by thousands and millions of people who are not like us. They feel differently from ourselves and our bodies. They have different sexual preferences and desires from us. They look different. It also scares us, because we are used to something else. A woman should have a role to play. She must look and behave in a certain way. This is a public inquiry. It concerns both men and women themselves. It took too long and it is extremely difficult to get over it.

But the transition phase has already begun. More and more women are asking themselves: "What does sex and sexuality mean for me personally, and not for society?" And in response, they have more and more opportunities for these individual manifestations to find their embodiment. Sexuality education should aim to reinforce this search for personal attitudes towards female sexuality. It is worth forming in women not the desire to follow, but the desire to seek. What kind of touch and what forms of sexual behavior will be pleasant for each particular woman. And the main thing is that sexual behavior in the entire breadth of this concept, including all forms of sex, or even its absence and denial, are factors of a healthy and prosperous life. Both social and physiological.

And this is a very pragmatic request for all members of our society. For radical feminism, for adherents of traditional models, for men, for women, for minorities. Gender equality and equal rights for any group is the equality of the positive effect that each individual individual can bring to society as a whole. The well-being and sexual satisfaction of women is the well-being of a society in which women play an important role. This is the best development of the economy, science, education. This is a step forward for all of us.