Video: MYSTERIUM OF SCORPIO
2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55
My parents first met in 1971 in the Tamgaly Tas tract - where one and a half thousand years ago Buddhist monks left rock paintings and writings. It is possible that these inscriptions were left by the eleventh disciple of Bodhidharma himself with his group, who at one time left the Shaolin monastery and came from China to Altai and Tien Shan.
I was born in the spring of 1979, and when I was six years old, my mother and father divorced. My mother and I moved to live in another city and I went to school there.
While my father and mother were together, I was fine, but soon after the divorce, nightmares began to torment me: at night I woke up and watched with horror two terrible black spider-like creatures sitting on the wall above my bed - with claws and segmented tails curled up carrying a sting. Scorpions! In real life, I had not yet seen such. When I started crying and pointing at the wall, my mother would wake up and calm me down - and then the scorpions would leave. She didn’t see them, and I still couldn’t really explain to her what it was. Scorpios disappeared, because they could not bear sincere female love …
Unfortunately, the further life of the woman who gave birth to me did not work out, she lost her health and her character deteriorated significantly. We began to move away from each other and soon became almost strangers …
At the age of 12, two events happened in my life that influenced my future life.
One night I had an astral exit - I suddenly woke up, or rather, felt myself awake in the middle of the bedroom, and then walked through the wall and saw two luminous creatures who had come from somewhere from the East to "visit" me. I wrote more about this in my story "Confessions of Indigo".
And also the First Love appeared in my life. She studied at our school, and then, like me, she went to art school. She had blue eyes and golden hair; when I saw her, my mouth instantly dried up, and a discharge of current seemed to occur in my solar plexus - my legs became “cottony”, butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I froze, experiencing a real shock … It was a state of sweet languor and a kind of anticipation of ecstasy, happiness.
LOVE-MANIA
Love. With all my being I was tuned in to unity with her and did not think of any other existence - she was my secret, my life, my mania!
Intuitively, I felt that sincere and true love is fraught with the key to immortality and the acquisition of true freedom - and those TWO that visited me at the age of 12, probably once, maybe thousands of years ago, were also a man and a woman who loved each other friend and found their way of immortality. Tantrayana. It's a secret. But she is subject to Man.
Alas, I did not take the first step and missed my chance. I was fifteen when life tore us apart.
My First Love left forever for another country, and then I could not find it for a long 14 years …
Neither time nor youth is returnable.
Bright days have sunk into oblivion -
Where we loved each other dearly
And kept happy dreams …
The wind was our secret accomplice -
Talked to you and me about love;
The stars clothed us with radiance
In their unearthly clothes.
I am a phantom, an invisible shadow
I hovered only next to you, And in a frenzied rapture
He kissed you passionately on the lips.
You were my Eurydice
But evil fate separated you and me.
And now neither a sigh nor a cry
Don't get you back. The light is not nice …
I wander - lonely and lost -
There is no more flour in the world …
But I am faithful to you forever
I, Orpheus who betrayed you.
Life lost its meaning, darkness thickened, and I found myself on the edge of an abyss of despair. Why live without love? And most importantly - how?..
OBSESSION
And at the age of sixteen, the same thing happened to me as to Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks - the Demon came into my life. Scorpions "finally" got to me and … "entered" me.
How do I describe this? You just live a double life and you can't share it with anyone. During the day, one life - study, work, library, household chores and communication with friends … And at night - a series of nightmares: then I wade through dungeons teeming with scorpions; then I myself am prowling somewhere in the guise of a scorpion … And almost every night, in my dreams, I am looking for only her - my First and Only lost Love … I am looking and cannot find. Or I find it, but it eludes me. And if I manage to find her and pick her up or hug her, she seems to fall into oblivion and does not feel my presence …
Tears of despair choke me, I sob, and my soul beats in agony …
My world became half-hearted - the feminine principle was absent in it and this imbalance became stronger and stronger. Any imbalance gives a certain advantage, but it also leads to degradation and death.
The only salvation will be only harmonious and systemic self-development - and in all directions at once: homeostasis.
But then I had not yet come to realize this and did not know what to do.
And my only alternative was only him - Demonius - the Mysterium of Scorpio.
Svetlana, where are you - I don't know.
I am looking for you in dreary dreams.
I only dream of you
About our Scarlet Sails!
That we were with you
Once tenderly in love …
And we lived only with one dream -
To be together, just me and you.
I remember the joy of rapture
In your shining eyes
Sadness, dumb surprise …
And the whisper of the wind in your hair.
Love and Youth, sinking into oblivion, Lost for us forever …
I live as an outcast ascetic -
Rain and snow caress me …
Whisper your name at night
I am looking for you, but I will not find …
Then unconsciousness will rush …
I'm like lightning in ice.
I am bewitched - what a hilarity!
My soul is cold ice.
My name now is Manticore!
Where is destiny leading me?
Pluto cruelly claims
Your merciless authority.
Only Sirius saves me
And does not allow to fall into darkness.
Terrible opposition!
Gives hope to Orion.
But suppresses all efforts
Scorpio with an insidious sting …
They sting me every night. It hurts, but not as much as the pain of an irreparable loss. Therefore, it acts like anesthesia or a kind of doping … It both destroys, and at the same time saves me from death. But how long will this continue?..
By the age of sixteen, with all my being, I cried out to life with only one question: how can I go on living now? How to live?.. Why?..
HOPE AND COMFORT
The answer came in the spring of 1995.
I have a Book - "Kalagia".
When I first took it in my hands, I suddenly felt a fantastic feeling of being in two places at once: I was standing at the counter with books in Taldy-Kurgan; and, at the same time, he ended up somewhere in the Altai mountains - where the sky touches the earth, where there is no human vanity and evil … This was the answer to my question: why live - in order to become truly a Human, reveal your Essence and go into Space …
Indeed, Kalagia became my salvation and the standard of purity of existence. I was an ascetic looking for my Way: from the age of twelve I began to collect my personal library; at 13 I contacted the psychic Sergei Dudin and received an answer; at 14, I read Bhagavad-Gita and one of the books of the ufologist Mikhail Yeltsin, and then again experienced an astral exit - but in a waking state - at a physical education lesson; at 15 I started writing poetry; at 16 he took up yoga and Tibetan Medicine according to the books of Lama Viktor Vostokov; at 17, he began to pour himself over with cold water and bury himself in snowdrifts …
And at the age of 18, my dreams passed into the next phase: I got my bearings in my inner world and outlined those milestones and forces that irresistibly influenced me.
The West and the constellation Scorpio pulled me into the abyss of fate and turned my life into a living hell. The scorpions came from there and pulled me there. And there was nothing I could do about it. Except how to compensate for this with a diametrically opposite force …
East, Sirius and Orion, as well as the planet Venus were a saving counterweight and gave me the only way to liberation and happiness. I had dreams where a flash of light that illuminated the worlds of Orion passed into the triple (!) Sirius system, and then "flew" into the Solar System - which at that time had two Suns. The Second Sun materialized and became the planet Jupiter. And the burst of energy that came to us became Venus …
Orion struck with lightning, Embodying the will of the Absolute …
Thus the Law of Eternity was fulfilled, Shining with a dazzling light!
Sirius the Three-Star has accepted the Gift -
The third Sun was instantly reified …
Sinking into the abyss like a diamond ball
Ur went to create worlds … It is finished!
Once in a dream I even "flew" over one of the planets in the Sirius system. This star has become my deity. In real life, I often went out at night and looked at Sirius, stretching out my hands to him. And he wrote enthusiastic poetry.
Kai! I cut the space with a diamond sword
From water and fire I go into the Void …
Among the snowstorms, in their diamond decoration, In seven-flame Agni, I burn in ecstasy.
Snow flakes - like sparks! - they fall on my shoulders.
The blizzard gently caresses her naked chest.
I'm alive! I can love and laugh …
This happiness - Kalagia - is the whole point.
There are stars in my hair. In my gaze the eternity …
I am laughing. I am dancing. I lie down on a snowdrift …
I am crucified. Above me is emptiness, infinity …
How many unexplored paths did it have?
Billions of snowflakes - like whirlwinds of galaxies -
In eternal infinity they fly towards me …
Eternity is the goal of all accomplishments, all searches and practices.
This is the Path to the Absolute. Here it is, Eternity's gaze:
This is Sirius …
ALBEDO!
The Scorpios couldn't do anything with me. I was unbending. And kept from falling.
Cold for me did not exist at all. For example, throughout February 2000, I walked in one turtleneck, doing without a jacket.
And if in winter, at night, I began to feel a kind of chilliness, then I undressed, took a bucket and walked into the alley to the water pump - doused myself. Having poured a couple of buckets of water on myself, I felt such blissful warmth that even the thorny stars seemed to warm me. The stronger the frost was outside, the brighter the fire warmed inside. Oh!
The purple fire of Vairagia shone in me, I saw purple and purple flashes around me. And if Kalagia was my "carrot" that encourages asceticism, then my Demon was a "whip" that encourages me to do the same! Ha! There is a silver lining.
And only one thing oppressed me, draining me with suffering - I was so yearning for my Beloved … I dreamed one day to find her and soar with her to the stars, fly away to other worlds, become a Flying Star - an Avatar …
I knew it was possible. And nothing else. Is there any other love?
MEDIUM FIRE MAGIC
Lightning with a swing of the blade pierced the night sky, The vault fell like a hail …
Life is in the ocean of rain … The night spoke like a thunderbolt.
The wind sings here mantras.
A tornado of purple lightning flashed through the darkness -
Shiva's dance!
The rumbling high voice gave me beauty -
Flashes, discharges, breaks …
This is my holiday, my way. In him I find happiness
Transcendental ecstasy.
In him, only in him is my essence - in this fierce storm, Where I have spun more than once
Intoxicated by the generous rain - like the nectar of Amrita, And waited for the rising of the star …
Madly in love with the sky - where all the secrets are revealed
After a midnight thunderstorm …
Clean, cool, fresh after the rain at dawn;
The entire sky is shining.
And in the east, the Horseman ascended on the White Horse -
Sirius and Orion!
Every time during a thunderstorm, I came into a state of special excitement and, running out into the street, I could drench myself with water for a long time and read sacred hymns and prayers. It was such a delight! I felt myself in the very heart of a thunderstorm and was involved in that phantasmagoria of energies that reigned in the heavens … Vijaya!
With all my being, I wished to find my First Love, to find a way to realize that Path and that world, which was spoken of in Kalagia, and to meet real WAY people who advanced on this Path and had already mastered ANOTHER existence …
My ideal was Jesus Christ-Maitreya, the revered teachers were Ushana Kavi and Ojan Satyam El, and examples of heroism and the right path were Lama Viktor Vostokov, Porfiry Ivanov, Altai hermit Alexander Naumkin and the Roerich family …
Undoubtedly, the astrophysicist Nikolai Kozyrev and the ufologist Mikhail Yeltsin had a great influence on me in their time.
But I also had an alternative path, my Demon, gnawing at me from the inside and pulling me down.
Its striking apologist is the Magnitogorsk ascetic Azsakra, the head of the Black Dragon club. All his exercises were close to me, but I stubbornly looked for another way …
In 2000, I met a real Agni Yogi - Alexander Zhukov-Tao, and this meeting changed my whole life. This man became my mentor and best friend, who helped me survive the most difficult trials in my life and not lose heart, not die …
I longed for the New World and wanted to break out of my old shell, spread my wings and soar upward as an eagle …
RUBEDO
I have been possessed by my Demon for exactly six years. And then, as if by chance, fate brought me together with a strange woman born under the sign of Scorpio. It was for the first time that she said to me those cherished three words: “I love you,” after which the scorpions simply left my life forever …
The love of a Woman, which is spoken of in the Teaching of Living Ethics, is truly capable of performing a miracle. But you have to be worthy of this miracle.
I went my way of testing and, as best I could, passed my spiritual exam.
And then a completely different life began for me …
At the end of May 2008, as always, I descended from the mountains and went from Chimbulak to Almaty. At the Green Bazaar, I bought myself a keychain with a black scorpion, and then I went to the Govindas Vaishnava center and bought a rosary from the Nim tree. Then he went to the station and went to Taldy-Kurgan.
And the next day I found my First Love!
Found and … lost forever. She was married, later gave birth to three children and - thanks be to God! - was quite happy.
It took me a whole year to rethink and assimilate this fact.
The events that took place during that year drove me to an extreme degree of exhaustion of mental strength that there was no urge to endure and continue in the same spirit.
All the former karmic "tails" fell on me - the third love fell on my head like a snow on my head, spent one night with me and just as suddenly faded away, left my life forever; the fourth, the one that once said words of love to me, also appeared in my life and after three months left it forever; the second and fifth - platonic, but just as real - fleetingly manifested themselves and also moved away from me …
I sent them all my poems-confessions, as if tore them from my heart and in my hearts I threw them after them. In the middle of winter I got chickenpox (!), And then, having recovered, I just got up early in the morning and frantically did yoga exercises to tone all six Yang qualities.
Having reached a certain point of renunciation, I wrote my main lyric poem "Hear Me" and … let go of the situation. Whatever happens.
And only after that I finally met that one and only true love that was also waiting for a meeting with me.
And now we are together. Forever.
Worlds come from me
Born in purple light
They shine in me at dawn
Flowers of light and fire.
They smell and sing
In me, the gardens were endless …
My poems have become eagles
My Soul is a shelter for the Gods!
The birth of suns is in my eyes;
The oceans are raging in me …
My sigh gives birth to hurricanes;
Smile - lightning swing.
Gusts of wind, ringing of the brook, Thunderclaps - My eternal call.
And hearts are flame endless
Hides a dumb question: "Whose are you?"
What worlds were you born in?
And what is your destiny?
Life before you is one moment
Times disappeared in him …
We are children of the Sun, me and you.
And the secret of our date
Keep the Tablets of the Universe
As the Beacon of Eternal Beauty.
My kiss is carried by the wind
Thunderstorms bring my Call to you …
Let the sweet rose scent
The morning light will wake you up.
Hear me, come to me -
And you will never regret it!
You will dispel my sorrow
And we will burn with you in Fire!
Kalagia! Come to my Garden -
And death will die, gone forever.
The darkness will no longer close our eyelids, Both pain and hell will disappear with her!
Our cities will disappear
And these countries will sink into oblivion …
But we will stay in the world
And we will never die!
I'm waiting for you in this world -
The eagle and the lion are always with me!
But become a Flying Star
It will be difficult for me without you.
I stand at the edge of the abyss
Over the hell of the Black Dragon.
In the palm of your hand is a Stone from Orion …
And only one thing - I love you!
I stand in anticipation of Fire.
Away and despair and timidity!..
And, before jumping into the abyss, I will whisper: "hear me …"
Oleg Boyev.