What does the female upbringing of boys lead to?

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

More and more women say that there are no normal men. They died out as a class. Remained lazy and weak, effeminate and uninteresting male representatives. I do not agree with this, I know a lot of real men - and there are a lot of them in my world.

Still, there is a problem of degeneration of masculinity. But we create it ourselves.

We ourselves create weak men, we ourselves make them passive. Are you thinking about your female responsibilities right now?

And I tell you about how we bring up boys. Because a weak man starts with his mother. Mattress, slobber, henpecked - all this begins in childhood.

Mothers who wipe snot even to ten-year-old boys.

Mothers who carry them food to bed all their lives.

Mothers who protect children from work and stress.

Mothers who do not send their children to sports, but drag them to dances.

Moms who do not allow fathers to raise boys.

Moms who try to enjoy their sons without letting them be independent.

What are you doing, moms? Who are you going to put a pig on?

And who are you kidding that it's not scary?

This is our second extreme. We either zealously make boys out of men from birth and force them to receive male experience until they are five years old, when they are still so small and vulnerable, when they only need love, or until old age we treat our sons as boys.

What do you expect from your man? Strength, determination, responsibility, courage, perseverance? What are you teaching your son? Negotiate, avoid collisions, avoid difficulties, be flexible, like everyone?

How to Raise Boys?

The mother-son relationship is always special - it's a special bond. Mother's warm feelings often prevail over reason - and now she laces up his shoes, wipes his ass, spoon-feeds. Even if the son is already five, six, seven …

What for? For what?

If your son is more than five years old, you are clearly doing something wrong, "but he is still small for me", "Well, he can't cope without me", "How can I not take care of my baby" …

This is a road to degradation for your son

If you want him to grow up to be a man, think and stop. What are you doing this way?

Previously, boys were raised by their fathers.

And then, after the wars, when so many men died, the women could not figure out what to do with their son.

The most comfortable position turned out to be in bringing up a domestic-looking man for himself.

Or even men. Instead of "real man" it turned out to be "domesticated man."

Mothers did their best to make their sons comfortable. They really thought it was right. So that they bring mothers pleasure. And thus they confused all the roles. And at the same time, along the way, they broke their boys.

As a result, the program of the "man at home" is as follows: do what the woman says, do not upset her, do not go far, do not go anywhere, sit on the priest level, listen, be comfortable.

And what remains masculine in him?

Where is the masculine strength, decisiveness, courage, which always turns for his woman in excitement for him, worries and delight of meeting the winner?

Where is his thirst for exploration of life, accomplishment, difficulties, character?

Where is his leadership, where is the power and wild male energy?

Where is all this?

And then what are we waiting for, marrying the next generation of men raised by women?

If you have a son, this is a reason to change yourself. And change the idea of raising children. Because you have not just had a child, you have a little man.

And you either allow him to become who he is, or crush and break him, turn him into something like a woman, but some kind of strange and clumsy, into a "domesticated man."

You will either bring up a man for whom your daughter-in-law will be grateful to you, or, on the contrary, grow up someone who is not clear, with whom then another woman will have to suffer.

Difficulties

A boy will never become a man if he does not face difficulties

If you do everything for him, if you do not leave him alone with obstacles.

If you don't give him a chance to figure it out, learn.

If everything comes into his own hands, it is easy and without tension.

If everything in his life happens by itself, without his participation. I wanted it, I got it.

If he doesn't get used to working.

Ease your desire to help your son, mom! Leave it for your daughters who need it (but it is them, for some reason, we force them to do everything on their own).

Let his world be a battlefield. Battles with socks and laces, dirty dishes, difficult tasks, difficult fighting techniques. Where he must try to win. Where you need to apply strength, ingenuity. Where to train determination.

Father

A boy will never become a man if there is no man next to him

What can you teach your son? Well, honestly.

Just how to be a woman.

You can instill in him sensitivity, empathy, sensitivity …

That's not bad, but does that make him a man? When he is already a man, he can develop empathy - the wife will say thank you later. But if there is nothing masculine in him, except for the body?

Where can he get an example of male behavior?

An example that will show him that his feelings and desires are normal and natural.

When boys fight, mothers are usually in panic and horror. They will tell their sons for a long time that this is not normal.

But dads will understand - and dads will be able to convey to their son - this is normal. The main thing is the reason.

Does the reason deserve just such a solution to the issue, or can it be simpler and softer. Mom, it's okay for boys to fight. This is a masculine way of solving problems.

Fight an abuser, invader or obstacle. We cannot teach this to our sons.

We cannot understand the soul of our sons, because we ourselves are arranged differently.

They have different needs and other characteristics. A mother from a son can only raise a little page, who carries her royal robe.

Because it is very convenient to enjoy this world through your son. We will not be able to talk to them about what is relevant to them. All that heals them, we reject, stick the label "bad" and "uncivilized."

How will they become men in this case?

Let them have men's hobbies, activities, men's conversations. The more masculine, the better. Fishing, hiking, sports, construction, adventure, cars, technology, martial arts, martial arts, swords and pistols …

Give fathers access to sons.

And give sons access to their fathers.

Give them and other men as much as possible.

Grandfathers, uncles, brothers, teachers, friends, coaches.

May their male world be full of men. Albeit imperfect, but men.

Able to understand and guide them. A woman can never raise a man from a son. Only the "domesticated man". Good intentions. Out of love. But who will be worse from this?

Liberty

A boy will never become a man if he does not have enough freedom

If he will not be able to climb everywhere, touch everything.

Sometimes with a risk to life and health.

This is masculine nature - a discoverer, explorer, hero of an adventure novel.

If he needs to sit on his butt straight, but inside is seething with a thirst for research - what to do?

Most often - to kill a traveler, discoverer, cowboy and all other "dangerous" subjects in yourself.

In order not to worry mom.

In order not to upset her.

And then my wife.

What are downhill skiing? The wife is against it. What are parachutes? The wife cannot bear it.

Let his life be an adventure quest. With a lot of freedom inside. More active games, sports, risky ventures. By the way, you don't need to go there yourself. Let them learn all this together with dad. Useful for both.

This, by the way, is the answer to the question: “what if the dad himself is“a domesticated man? How will he teach his son something?"

Just as you and I are healed through our daughters, so fathers can be healed and grow, open up through communication with their sons.

But their communication should be free - from women in the first place.

Free, full of adventure, impressions, new experiences. Shared male experience. Not invented by you, but chosen by them (yes, sending dad and son together to the “Christmas tree” is not considered).

Solutions

A boy will never become a man if he does not learn to make decisions, make choices, be responsible for it

If you make all the choices for him, you always insure, always dictate the right decisions. Today he will do as you say, get a good result.

But what will happen when you are not there?

What decision can he make himself?

Does he understand the consequences, is he familiar with responsibility?

And who in his world is generally responsible for him?

Are you again?

Let him decide and choose for himself. Let him experiment with solutions and learn to accept the consequences of it.

Didn't do my homework - got two. I didn't wash my plate - there's nothing to eat, everyone eats, but he washes the plate.

Didn't take his pants to the basket of dirty linen - he walks in dirty. Or sitting at home. Etc.

Let him choose what to do, how much, when and how.

What book to read, what game to play, what to draw and how, with whom to be friends, what cartoon to watch, what chores to do around the house.

Etc. The more decisions he can make on his own, the better. Give him this practice - meeting with failures and victories, so that in adulthood he is not afraid of mistakes and defeats, having a lot of experience working with them.

Leadership

A boy will never become a man if he does not have the opportunity to lead, dominate, compete

With whom will he work out all this if a woman is raising him?

How can you compete with your mom?

What is it?

And how to dominate over her, if she does not even give her husband this opportunity?

At the same time, in order for a woman next to a man to be happy, there must be a state of possession of this woman inside him.

"You are mine" - this message from men's eyes is able to calm a woman's heart. And many women are looking for and waiting for this all their lives.

But how can a boy learn this from his mother?

No way.

He can only learn to obey and suppress the leader in himself.

Duties

A boy will never become a man if he has no responsibilities

If he's all ready and doesn't have to do anything.

If you spoon-feed him and do his homework for him.

If he doesn't know how clean T-shirts end up in the closet.

If he does not know which side the refrigerator opens.

Note that girls have responsibilities early enough. Although they could have been given time to rest, they will wash, cook and clean all their adult lives.

But the boys just would not hurt to be able to serve themselves in everything. And his wife will thank you later.

Help

A boy will never become a man if no one needs his help

If mom is all by herself, everywhere on her own, and takes care of him - what is the point of becoming a man?

The man is the one that is needed. The help they need. Who can show all his best qualities, surpass himself for the sake of his beloved woman.

This is what you as a mom can do. Ask him for help. More often, more, all the time.

Ask you to bring the packages, and play with your brother-sister, and take out the trash, and peel the potatoes, and help in the work.

In any situation, ask for help. Do not evaluate in advance his strength, they say it will not cope. If you think so, it will definitely not cope. And it won't even take it. Feel distrust.

You yourself are used to helping him all the time. Enough. Stop.

Asks for help - better encourage him that he can cope on his own.

And let him try, train. Swap roles. It is not you who are helping him, but he is helping you. In everything. He is your assistant, protector, hero and knight.

Believe in him

Believe, believe more often, care less. Leave caring for your daughters. And what makes a boy a man is your faith in him

You can handle it.

You are strong.

You are a man.

Who if not you.

You are an adult.

You are strong.

You are like dad.

You are a real man!

As our middle son recently told me: "Mom, I help you, and therefore I am already like a dad - a real man!"

The guy doesn’t pronounce some letters yet, but he’s right. He is already a man.

It is designed in a completely different way and functions in a completely different way.

And since I do not understand anything about this, I do not climb so as not to break anything.

While he is four. And he is still "my boy". But inside my boy a "real man" is already growing - and this man is growing more and more.

Very soon the man will oust the boy from him. And I just have to accept it - and not pull it back. Don't consider him small, sweet, cute, funny. Only - strong, courageous, decisive, capable …

Give your son the opportunity to grow up as a man. Give him the freedom to be who he is. Do you want him to become a man?

Then educate yourself - learn not to command him, not suppress him, not limit him.

Learn to work with your fears and worries - these are your emotions, and the boy has nothing to do with it.

Learn to be a woman, to give the reins to him, even he is only five or six years old.

Learn to obey, learn to accept and believe.

Learn not to punish them physically, not to break their psyche in this way, learn to punish them like a woman, by detachment.

It is much more difficult than making a "little man" out of a boy.

Out of our great love for our sons, we need to learn to be stricter and more demanding with them.

Out of love and concern for their future, we need to ask them for help more often, load them with physical labor.

For the love of our sons, we need to surround them with men. And get out of the immediate environment, staying in the field of visibility.

Hug and kiss the top of the head before going to bed, but during the day to control yourself and not lisp with the boys.

Suck up with girls - that's really with whom all this does not happen much.

Or, be prepared for the fact that your son will become an "under-man" in the eyes of your daughter-in-law.

And that will be your responsibility

Your price for your own weakness, your inability to allow your son to become what he was born - a man.

Olga Valyaeva, chapter from the book "Purpose to be a mother"

Proverb: What Does the Female Upbringing of a Boy Lead to

One mother wrote a letter to her son. She asked to forgive her for the pain that she caused him with her attitude.

“Son, now, after so many years, when I realize how my words hurt you, what pain my screams and breakdowns brought you, how they closed and plugged these wounds in your soul, I am seized with an icy shiver.

Sometimes from powerlessness, tension, dissatisfaction, loss in life, just not knowing what to do with all this, I did not have the strength to hear and support you in difficult moments for you, and instead, something bestial, wild woke up in me, that could shout at you and even sometimes put a hand … on an angel, with clean eyes. I remember how I could drop offensive words in your address, slam the door, put you in a corner, punish for some minor offense. How could I not hear, not feel myself, and even more so and you, spewing out these terrible screams and movements and endlessly frightening you with this.

Son, now, after so many years, I cannot sleep at night, remembering these moments and realizing what a horror, what an explosion of your microverse it was for you when the person closest to you, support, protection, rear, your personal God for the first time on the ground turned to you like a lion's face, spewing wild sounds.

If only then I could only feel and see how you shudder from one of my sharp movements or tone, how everything shrinks inside you into a tiny lump, how you cannot hold back tears, how your sponge trembles … and later you do not stop taking out hands out of pockets, fiddling with hair, flicking a pen, averting your eyes or blinking too often, swinging in a chair, locking yourself in a room when I come home from work …

If only I understood that wanting to see you fulfilled and successful, forcing you to study hard, report on your homework and learned lessons and rules, I would increase this distance between us. Between you and me. Between you and your trust and connection to the world.

If only I knew, felt and understood all this, you would not have to get sick so often, sit at home because of rejection by peers, overpower complex mental states that affected memory and the nervous system, pulling at least a C with gigantic tension.

If I was aware of all this when you were 2, 5, 10, 13 …

Now, when I see you as a grown man who doubts himself, is shy in front of his boss, works in an unloved job because he does not know what he wants, prefers to sit out than act, considers himself a loser and lazy person who wants nothing from life and lives on a knurled, like most people, relaxes only after a glass of alcohol … I feel cold inside from every shout I admitted at you and every insulting word addressed to you.

Son, under all these layers there is love … Unconditional, pure, natural … Such that flows from parent to child according to the idea of nature, regardless of school grades, behavior and the number of hours spent or not spent together.

And only now I know that you have come to me to wake me up even so late. Thank you for that.

Your mother."

Mum…

This morning I read your letter and it did not let me go all day.

I would like to choose for you the words that would be heard and understood correctly by you.

And I realized that the only thing I would like to say and wish you, mom, is that you be happy.

Just happy. After all, under all your efforts to make me successful, you wished me happiness, and often a person's happiness is not in success, good grades or compliance with social standards.

Happiness is to be yourself, to be accepted, heard, relaxed …

which means happy … without expecting blows from at least the closest people.

Without the expectation of being special, achieving anything, from quarter grades to university degrees and prestigious work.

Mom, it is difficult for children of unhappy parents to be happy, do you understand?

And I see that your everyday life at your unloved work, your wandering in the labyrinths of relationships with your father, your own excessive efforts to be successful, to meet social requirements take a huge amount of your strength and do not bring happiness and joy at all.

You are not smiling, you are tense, your eyes do not shine, and I remember how I shuddered from one of your tense sighs.

If mom is so bad - what to say about me?

If a mother, adult, big, strong, cannot stand in this big world and be herself in it: happy, beautiful, sparkling, then what to say about me? Still small and did not understand the existing orders here.

And I remember how I run to you, mom, joyful, filled, agitated, such an exciting, intoxicating joy in me, such feelings, sensations, sparkle, liveliness, life, and in a second I see your look, your gait, I already predict words … from which all this beauty inside me is rapidly extinguishing … and at first every time I seem to forget about it and again run to you joyful and happy, life in me is still in full swing.

But each time I more and more accept your rules of the "game" and myself become the same: my gaze fades, my sensations fade away and life ceases to seem like a huge opportunity, and the framework and templates triumph.

Well, you yourself know that now, Mom, so I'll stop there.

And once again I want to repeat to you, mom, that I really, really want you to be happy.

I don't know what will make you happy, only you yourself know about it. Favorite job, man … you know better. And no matter how old I am, 2, 5, 10, 13, 20 … if you want to see me happy, please go to the mirror, look into your eyes and honestly answer yourself: are you happy? And if not, then remember, mom, that it is very difficult for children of unhappy parents to be happy, do you understand?

And here you can't deceive anyone and don't get into the eye of a needle. Please remember yourself, yourself … and make yourself happy.

Children of happy parents can do everything: any difficulties.

Mom, your own happiness is the most valuable contribution to my future.

I love you so much. Be happy mom.

Your son."