Manipulation techniques and protection against them

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

Simple

1. Manipulation of feelings of guilt or resentment

Using resentment or guilt is one of the surest ways to manipulate a loved one. The image of the unfortunate victim often gives its bearer "dividends" in the form of unspoken powers and reparations. It happens that a person has been living in the role of a victim for years and has already become accustomed to it, but in those around him he no longer causes sympathy and a desire to help, but, on the contrary, provokes irritation and even aggression. Because in fact, as strange as it sounds, it is the victim who is always at the top of the pyramid in the family system. Such a person influences others through their feelings of guilt. Over time, people involved in this game begin to directly or semi-consciously understand this manipulation and respond to it with aggression.

Antidote:It is best to develop a family rule to forget grievances. And not to remember each other's past sins during family quarrels. It will not lead to anything good anyway. If your partner has offended you in some way, then it is better to immediately discuss this issue. In a civilized and correct manner, not giving any assessments to what is happening or to your partner. Clarify the situation and adjust the interaction rules to reduce the likelihood of a similar situation repeating. Let's say metaphorically: write down grievances in the sand, and carve joys in marble and granite. Make it the norm for your family and see how much easier and happier your life becomes.

2. Manipulation of anger

There are people who lose their temper to force you to give in to them. These are manipulators using so-called tactical anger.

Antidote:The worst thing is to be led by such a person. After all, if his technique works, he will continue to do the same with you and with others in the future. To begin with, you need your determination: you must not give in or allow yourself to be shouted at. If the manipulator continues to scream, leave. Continue this behavior in any subsequent skirmishes when he is angry, until the angry opponent learns to behave rationally with you.

Regarding your own anger, to which you will also often be provoked, it is worthwhile to develop a conscious position and rules in advance. Remember that in anger you may even be able to give your best speech. But the chances are high that you will regret it later and will regret it all your life.

3. Silence manipulation

People use meaningful silence when they want to show how upset they are. Otherwise, in their opinion, you will think that the problem is not important to them. People who tend to remain silent for minor reasons create an unpleasant atmosphere that can ruin a work relationship. Silence is designed to make you feel guilty when you realize how upset this person is.

Antidote:Try to refrain from playing along with the "pout", because if it works once, the silent will resort to this technique all the time. But don't be harsh with him; act like everything is fine. Wait, let him break the silence himself. If you have a discussion with a silent person, listen to him with an open mind. In a friendly and reasonable manner, explain to him what your point of view is based on. Even if your interlocutor continues to sulk after your story, you will know that you did your best. You didn’t back down just to avoid the silence, the purpose of which is to force you to surrender.

4. Manipulation of love

"If you love, then …" This manipulation is designed for loved ones who have a positive attitude towards the manipulator. The fear of being rejected and losing love is strong in people since childhood. Many parents thoughtlessly tried to manipulate their child, saying “If you don’t listen to me / do what I say, etc., then I will stop communicating with you / love you / take care of you, etc.”.

Antidote:Love is not a bargaining chip, but the outcome of a relationship. When you notice exploitation of your senses, consider how much you need it.

5. Manipulation of hope

Brilliant promises often hide the desire for the immediate benefit of their author. The fabulous promises of Basilio the Cat and Alice the Fox were dictated by their desire to get the gold coins that were ringing in Buratino's pocket as soon as possible. Often, such "songs" also lead more knowledgeable citizens to bury cash "on the Field of Miracles in the Land of Fools."

Antidote: An Arabic proverb says: "A clever one hopes for his own affairs, and a foolish one relies on hope." Trust facts, not opinions. Make decisions based on real experience, not someone else's stories or assumptions.

6. Manipulation of vanity

The little hooks clinging tightly to an over-inflated ego may sound like an innocent comment. Praise used to get things done: “You are great at reporting! Surely no one can cope better with the one that I want to offer you! " Or, on the contrary, a challenge with a hint of incompetence: "Is it weak?..", "You probably couldn't …"

Antidote: Remember, did you plan to make the proposal before presenting the provocative proposal? Check the correspondence of the conceived to your interests and possibilities.

7. Irony or sarcasm

The manipulator chooses an initially ironic tone, critical statements and remarks, seasoned with jokes or provocative comments.

Antidote: It is impossible to make yourself offended without your own participation. Do not believe it - try to be offended just like that, no matter what specific. If you do not succumb to the manipulator's provocations, realizing or reminding yourself with whom and what you are dealing with, you will be able to maintain clarity of thought, accuracy of wording and emotional balance.

Complex

1. Shifting emphasis

Manipulators deliberately shift the emphasis in the submitted material, overshadowing something not entirely desirable and emphasizing what they need. This is often the lot of the media, in most cases serving their owners. An example is the anecdote of the era of stagnation about Secretary General Brezhnev. The media are commenting on the run around the White House at the suggestion of Jimmy Carter. Carter and Leonid Ilyich were racing. The winner in this race of two participants, of course, was the younger and stronger Carter. The American media write smugly: "Our esteemed president is in excellent shape and could easily come first, while Secretary General Brezhnev was only the last to arrive!" Our media wrote with restraint: “In the competitions held in the city of Washington, General Secretary of the CPSU Central Committee Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev finished second. US President Jimmy Carter has only to be content with his penultimate place."

Antidote: Check the information, do not hesitate to ask clarifying questions and find out the details.

2. Emotional contamination

This manipulation technology is based on such a property of the human psyche as emotional infection. It is known that a person builds certain protective barriers in the way of receiving unwanted information for him. To get around such a barrier (censorship of the psyche), it is necessary to direct the manipulative effect on feelings. Thus, having “charged” the necessary information with the necessary emotions, it is possible to overcome the barrier of reason and cause an explosion of passions in a person, making him worry about what he has heard. Further, the effect of emotional contamination comes into play, which is most widespread in the crowd, where, as you know, the threshold of criticality of each individual is lower and historically more ancient reflexes and instincts are included. A similar manipulation technique is used during a number of reality shows, when participants speak in a raised voice and sometimes demonstrate significant emotional arousal. This makes the audience watch the twists and turns of the events being demonstrated, empathizing with the main characters.

The speeches of some politicians are emotionally charged, due to which the information affects the feelings of the listeners, the audience is "infected with emotions", the perception of the content side of the speaker's speech becomes less rational, critical and deliberate. This distinguished the speeches of Hitler and Goebbels, which zombified the German nation.

Antidote: Separate the wheat from the chaff. It is necessary to separate the emotional message and the content aspect of the information. For example, before making a purchase under the pressure of a clever seller or advertising, think over what goals, desires and projected expenses you had before this situation / information appeared, what specific qualities and properties of the product / service you were interested in, how much you really need them. If there is an opportunity to postpone the decision, it is better to consider the issue of expediency later, in a calmer and more adequate emotional state, following the rule "the morning is wiser than the evening."

3. "Psychological Aikido"

Depending on the presentation of the same materials, you can achieve different, sometimes opposite opinions of the audience. That is, some event can be artificially "not noticed", but something, on the contrary, can be given increased attention. Here's a good example of how it works:

Dear Mom and Dad! Ever since I left for college, I have been careless in writing letters. I regret that I was inattentive and that I have not written until now. I'll let you know now about everything that happened, but before you continue reading, please sit down. You won't read any further until you sit down, okay? Well, now I feel pretty good. The skull fracture and concussion I got when I jumped out of my dorm window when it caught fire shortly after my arrival here are now almost cured. I spent two weeks in the hospital and now I can see almost normally. Headaches only occur once a day. Fortunately, the fire in the hostel and my jump was seen by the operator on duty at the gas station located next to the hostel. It was he who called the fire department and called an ambulance. He also visited me in the hospital and since I had nowhere to live after the fire, he was kind enough to offer to share his room with him.

It's actually a basement room, but it's pretty cute. He's a wonderful guy, we fell in love and are going to get married. We haven't set an exact date yet, but the wedding will take place before my pregnancy is noticed. Yes, mom and dad, I'm pregnant. I know that you dream of becoming a grandfather and grandmother, and that you will welcome the child and surround him with the same love, devotion and tender care that surrounded me as a child. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my friend contracted a minor infection that interferes with my premarital blood tests, and I inadvertently contracted it from him. I'm sure you will welcome my friend with open arms. He is kind, and although not very educated, he is hardworking.

Now, after I told you what happened, I want to tell you that there was no fire in the hostel, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I am not infected. and I have no friend. However, I get low grades in American history and poor grades in chemistry, and I want you to look at those grades with wisdom and condescension.

Your loving daughter Sharon"

In his book The Psychology of Influence, American social psychologist Robert Cialdini cites this amusing letter as an example of skillfully using the principle of contrast to influence people and change their beliefs. You can rest assured that this beautiful little weapon of influence, provided by the principle of contrast, does not go unclaimed. The tremendous advantage of the principle lies not only in the fact that it works effectively, but also in the fact that its use is almost imperceptible to an untrained person.

Antidote: Learn to return yourself to the originally chosen position before introducing external influences into it. Check if your current position is in line with your strategic principles and priorities. Compare your position before and after receiving additional external information that changed your perception of what is happening. Analyze the validity, importance and significance of the information brought in from the outside. Relate the lessons learned from this information to your long-term and prior plans, scoring systems, priorities, and meaningful relationships.

4. Commands hidden in suggestions and questions

The manipulator hides his command-setting under the guise of a request. One Zen Buddhist parable can clearly demonstrate this:

The conversations of the Zen teacher Bankey attracted not only Zen students, but also people of different sects and ranks. His large audience displeased the priest of the Nichiren sect, as the followers of the sect left him to hear about Zen. The self-centered Nichiren priest came to the temple, determined to argue with Bankay.

- Hey Zen teacher! he called. - Wait a minute. Anyone who respects you will obey your words, but I do not respect you. Can you make me obey?

“Come to me and I'll show you,” said Bankei. The priest began to majestically make his way through the crowd to the teacher. Bankei smiled:

- Stand to my left.

The priest obeyed.

- No, - said Bankei, - it will be more convenient for us to talk if you stand to my right. Go here.

The priest walked with dignity to the right.

- You see, - said Bankei, - you obey me. It seems to me that you are a delicate and gentle person. Now sit down and listen.

In this parable from the distant past, we can observe direct manipulations; it only emphasizes the nature of the messages behind ordinary conversation and sentences. But this influence can be carried out by more covert methods.

Antidote: Be clear about your goals and "frame of reference". It is also worth trying to find out the motives and interests of the interlocutor. In the future, it will be easier to track the tactics and strategy for achieving them, formalized in the form of specific techniques.

5. Avoiding discussion

Such a manipulative action is carried out with a demonstrative use of resentment. For example, "… it is impossible to discuss serious issues with you in a constructive way …", "… your behavior makes it impossible to continue our meeting …" or "I am ready to continue this discussion, but only after you put your nerves in order …", etc. P.

Disruption of the discussion by provoking a conflict is carried out using a variety of techniques to drive the opponent out of himself, when the discussion turns into an ordinary squabble, completely unrelated to the original topic.

To avoid the discussion, such tricks as interruption, interruption, raising the tone, demonstrative behavior, showing unwillingness to listen and disrespect for the opponent can be used. After their application, statements are made of the type: "… it is impossible to talk to you, because you do not give a single intelligible answer to any question", "… it is impossible to talk to you, because you do not give the opportunity to express a point of view that does not coincide with your point of view …" etc.

Antidote: Maintain emotional calm, self-control, and composure. Explain to yourself that this trick is a provocation of the aggressor and will not work because you have already identified it. You should not feel anger towards the aggressor himself for allowing himself such injustice. This is its nature.

6. Artificial displacement of the dispute

In this case, starting the discussion of any provision, the manipulator tries not to give reasons from which this provision follows, but suggests to go straight to their refutation. Thus, the opportunity for criticizing the position of the manipulator is limited, and the dispute itself is shifted to the argumentation of the opposite side. In the event that the opponent succumbed to this and begins to criticize the position put forward, giving various arguments, they try to argue around these arguments, looking for shortcomings in them. At the same time, the manipulator does not provide his system of evidence for discussion.

Antidote: Get the dialogue back on track. Remember the home field effect in football. In communication, “one's own field” is even more important. Do not give up the initiative and return "to yourself" and the chosen position.

7. The flow of questions

In the case of this manipulative technique, the object is asked several different questions at once on the same topic. In the future, they act depending on his answer: they are accused of not understanding the essence of the problem or of not answering the question completely, or of trying to mislead.

Antidote: State that it is more appropriate for you to answer the questions in sequence, and with your answers focus your attention on the topic of your choice. In the event of aggressive pressure, ignore the follow-up questions and continue to calmly answer the one of your choice, or pause until the stream of questions dries up. Variants of active discrediting of the manipulator are possible. For example, take a piece of paper and start recording questions with a comment, as in the well-known comedy: "Couldn't it be slower, I'm writing down …"