Military-historical jokes. Part 4

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

Hardly anyone would argue that the “historical baggage” of His Majesty the Average Citizen consists of two blocks: the school history course, which is a separate and completely heartbreaking topic, and the one read in popular literature, including periodicals. That is to say, knowledge from "picture books". There is also, alas, TV, which is rapidly gaining absolute dominance in the information market, but this is a separate topic. And also completely heartbreaking.

So, let's talk about "picture books". Belonging to the category of, so to speak, light reading, they are largely written not by professional historians, but by professional journalists specializing in this field. Of course, in their work, the authors rely on the research of historians, on their, so to speak, "books without pictures." Naturally, fully relying on the authority of the "professionals" confirmed by scientific degrees and titles. Glasses, a beard, a silk yarmulke on the bald head, a plaid plaid and all that.

However, it is precisely "non-participation in caste" that is, apparently, the reason why the journalist calmly and fearlessly makes public the facts and information, which, from the point of view of Canonical Version of History (KVI), should be at least thoroughly retouched. Or hide it altogether. Of course, the natural desire for a journalist to surprise with something, to interest the reader by submitting extraordinary material and examining the familiar from a new, unexpected angle of view also plays its role. And also, due to professional habit, the popularizing journalist is often inclined to color the texture with emotionally rich comments. With the best purpose: to make the material "tastier". And thus, willingly or unwillingly, it adds persuasiveness to the declared views, which - let's not forget about it - were formed by the authors of "books without pictures" and school textbooks.

As a result, very controversial publications appear on the pages of popular literature. Here in front of me is a very interesting magazine, a classic representative of "picture books". This "UFO", ISSN 1560-2788, subdivision of the publishing project "Kaleidoscope", St. Petersburg, Kalinina, 2/4. The "plate" name should not confuse anyone - with boulevards like "Anomalous News", "Moskovsky Komsomolets", etc. it has nothing to do. No giant rats in the Moscow metro, mutant plumbers and such nonsense.

Approximately 30% of the volume of the journal is devoted to the description of interesting natural phenomena, phenomena, space objects, devoid of any anomalous lining, customs of the peoples of the world, amazing animals. Another 30% is, yes, anomalous phenomena, but here, too, the material is covered in the best journalistic traditions, without "round eyes" and shocking. And what to do if anomalous phenomena really have, so to speak, a place to be? Finally, about a third of the journal is devoted to regular publications on historical topics, mainly reports on archaeological finds. And they write very interesting things there.

Ancient graves and modern logic

"UFO" No. 31 (247) dated 9.7.2002, p.10, section "Archaeological finds", article by Galina Sidneva "In the capital of Austria - the Avar cemetery" … I apologize in advance: the quotes are long, but no one will pick on what they distorted, pulled out of context, etc.

“During the preparation of road construction works on the southern outskirts of Vienna, a burial of ancient nomads was discovered … The excavation was headed by an employee of the Austrian Agency for the Protection of Monuments, Master Franz Sauer. Numerous graves of Avar nomads date back to the 7th-8th centuries A. D. For a long time historians, not without reason, considered the Avars a bloodthirsty, savage and warlike people who lived by plunder. But recent excavations in the Viennese suburbs have added some new touches to the unattractive portrait of ferocious nomads. The fact is that representatives of other peoples, in particular, the Slavs, are buried next to the Avar horsemen and their relatives. Perhaps these peoples, not only in death, but also in life, have learned to peacefully coexist with each other?

Leather belt belts with bronze plaques, gold pendants, hammered hryvnias and bracelets made of gold and gilded brass, as well as dozens of spears and arrowheads, taken from Avar burials, were transferred to the Institute of Primitive and Ancient History. A superficial examination of the products shows the influence of the Byzantine, Slavic and Germanic cultures. The Avars shamelessly borrowed from the conquered peoples the methods of making useful things, decorations, patterns. It is very likely that they took beautiful women for themselves. In four of the 190 opened graves, scientists were surprised to find the remains of Slavic beauties."

Now attention! On what grounds is this conclusion of historians based? But:

“The things put in the graves of these women - pendants in the form of chain links, rings, high-quality ceramics - mean that the buried women were Slavs, although they were buried among the Avars,” says the head of the excavation, Sauer. This is very strange and unusual: the Avars considered themselves superior to the conquered peoples, but the gentlemen could not lie on the churchyard next to the slaves. It cannot be ruled out, although it is unlikely, that the four Avar women wore Slavic earrings, rings and pottery made by Slavic potters. Comparison of the genetic material of these four ladies with the results of analyzes of the remains of the Avars will answer the question whether they belonged to the same people. Franz Sauer does not create illusions about the predatory customs of the nomads: “Most likely, the Avars periodically attacked Slavic villages, raped women, smashed houses, emptied bins - and retreated back to their villages”.

Here you just do not know what to wonder in the first place. Well, first of all, the logic of the researcher is surprising (to put it mildly). It turns out that the situation is like this: if two or three simple jewelry are found in a female burial, this is an Avarka, even if of a noble, wealthy family. If complex, expensive work rings, pendants and bracelets are a Slavic slave. As you wish, but this classic case of disorientation in causal relationships. The contradiction is visible to the naked eye. Moreover, this also applies to male burials; following the logic of the KVI, it turns out that the presence of a horse in the grave automatically means that a nomad is buried in it, that is, a grimy savage from a wagon. Even a poor man. If there is no horse, then a Slavic "earthen fry", albeit one who has become rich, despite the regular robbery by the Avars.

In addition, it is said that "the Avars shamelessly borrowed … methods of making useful things, decorations, patterns." But this automatically means that at least a part of the Avars is settled, which the master himself accidentally admits a few lines below, in the heat of a blabbering about the “Avar villages” to which they “cleared” after the robberies. And then, why exactly did the Avars borrow from, say, the Germans, and not vice versa? How is it known that it is the culture (read - patterns on the buckles) of the Germans that is primary and autochthonous, and that the Avars plagiarized ("shameless")? What comes first: chicken or egg?

The avalanche of questions is growing rapidly. And the most important one, to which I would like to receive an answer personally from Master Sauer: is the borrowing of technologies and elements of cultures something extremely rare in the human population?.. Meanwhile, Herr Sauer continues to effortlessly step over the barriers of elementary logic. His conclusions contain an insurmountable contradiction. It makes no sense for the invaders, who have established themselves on the conquered land, to commit predatory raids on their subjects: they themselves will give what they need. It is enough to appoint the elders and the required number of guards from among the local collaborators. Moreover, any excesses in such a situation are only harmful, since they disrupt the measured work of the operating machine and, along the way, forge personnel from the local "Resistance".

If, in order to take possession of a good neighbor, you have to go on a bandit raid, then there is no question of any occupation! But then the question is inevitable: was there a boy? That is, who are the slaves here?

At the same time, another perplexing pitfall of modern "nomadic studies" is exposed - the old stereotype, covered with a noble cobweb, according to which a "nomad" is by all means a first-class warrior. This opinion is at least groundlessly … Be a "nomad" even three times a horseman, he is just a peasant-cattle-breeder, nothing more. There is a huge distance between the arat-shepherd and the equestrian warrior, and overcoming it requires regular and long-term training as part of a platoon-squadron-regiment, etc. nomadic cattle breeding. A warrior of the era of sword, spear and bow could only be professional … And a dozen of such vigilantes literally scatter a gang of overly mischievous shepherds with their bare hands.

In the meantime, everything falls into place if you delete “nomads” from the equation. Personally, I am convinced that nomadic peoples in an autonomous version, so to speak it can not be … In my opinion, the so-called “nomads” are nothing more than a professional group engaged in pasture cattle breeding. Somewhat isolated, as befits a shop, with its own specific subculture. Natural product of the development of productive forces and production relations. And they cannot, being a link in an unbreakable chain of these relations, allow themselves to quarrel with a sedentary peasant or artisan. They marry, baptize children, bury the dead - they do everything together. Sometimes, of course, they fight - why not fight.

The presence of rich jewelry in a woman's grave speaks not of nationality, but of belonging to the nobility, and the horse - of the deceased's belonging to the military class, and even more precisely, again, to the nobility, which, in general, is not so far from one another …

The article almost openly says that the Avars and the Slavs are one and the same, they are one and the same sedentary people, some of which were engaged in pasture cattle breeding. But Master Sauer manages to ignore this point blank. Or pretends not to notice. Listen to the master - for many years he dealt with the Avars, more than once experienced their cruelty and deceit and knows their true value. To an outsider, they, of course, can rub in the glasses, but the master of illusions does not harbor illusions. “I know these Avars,” he says weightily through his teeth. - They will surely screw up a decent person … What did you want? Asia, sir!"

As you wish, but if it is - Master's IQ, then I really do not know how the analogous indicator of the bachelor's degree should look like. Something from the area of infinitesimal values: theoretically exists, but practically imperceptible.

And for a snack: “The cruelty of the warlike nomads also gave them a certain advantage over the local knights … The Avars, smelling the smell of blood, became brutal and killed everyone without exception. This bloodthirsty way of waging war terrified Central and Eastern Europe."

Stop! Somewhere I have already read something similar … Bah! Yes, this is Matthew of Paris! “Tatars greedily drink living blood …”, well, and so on in the text. Just like the SS men, whom you supposedly don’t feed with bread, let’s make soap out of the Jews. It took forty years for the "Holocaust" adherents to squeeze out a confession through their teeth that this soap was enough. But they hold onto the gas chambers like the Golan Heights! So, the smoking-room is alive. Indeed, Matthew is not with us, but his work is immortal.

Pyramids of china

"UFO" No. 30 (246), 22.7.2002, p.10, "White spots of history", Galina Sidneva, "Forbidden Pyramids of China" … “In the Chinese province of Shaanxi, there are giant pyramids, the very existence of which was only recently questioned. Their shape resembles the pyramids of the American Maya Indians, only the tops are flatter (as in the text. - G. K.). According to rough estimates of archaeologists, most of the Chinese pyramids are from 2500 to 3500 years old, that is, the same as the famous ancient Egyptian pyramids, but it is possible that some of them are much older.

The wall was constantly being completed for two thousand years - until 1644. At the same time, due to various internal and external factors, the wall turned out to be "layered", similar in shape to the channels left by bark beetles in the tree (this can be clearly seen in the illustration).

During the entire construction period, only the material changed, as a rule: primitive clay, pebbles and compacted earth were replaced by limestone and denser rocks. But the design itself, as a rule, did not undergo changes, although its parameters vary: height 5-7 meters, width about 6.5 meters, towers every two hundred meters (distance of the shot of an arrow or arquebus). They tried to draw the wall itself along the ridges of mountain ranges.

And in general they actively used the local landscape for fortification purposes. The length from the eastern to the western edge of the wall is nominally about 9000 kilometers, but if you count all the branches and layering, it comes out to 21,196 kilometers. On the construction of this miracle in different periods worked from 200 thousand to two million people (that is, a fifth of the then population of the country).

Now most of the wall is abandoned, part of it is used as a tourist site. Unfortunately, the wall suffers from climatic factors: the downpours erode it, the drying heat leads to collapses … Interestingly, archaeologists still discover hitherto unknown fortification sites. This mainly concerns the northern "veins" on the border with Mongolia.

Adrian's shaft and Antonina's shaft

In the first century AD, the Roman Empire actively conquered the British Isles. Although by the end of the century, the power of Rome, transmitted through the loyal heads of local tribes, in the south of the island was unconditional, the tribes living to the north (primarily the Picts and brigants) were reluctant to submit to foreigners, making raids and organizing military skirmishes. In order to secure the controlled territory and prevent the penetration of the raiders' detachments, in 120 AD the Emperor Hadrian ordered the construction of a line of fortifications, which later received his name. By the year 128, the work was completed.

The shaft crossed the north of the British Isle from the Irish Sea to the North and was a wall 117 kilometers long. In the west, the rampart was made of wood and earth, it was 6 m wide and 3.5 meters high, and in the east it was made of stone, the width of which was 3 m, and the average height was 5 meters. Moats were dug on both sides of the wall, and a military road for the transfer of troops ran along the rampart on the south side.

Along the rampart, 16 forts were built, which simultaneously served as checkpoints and barracks, between them, every 1300 meters - smaller towers, every half a kilometer - signaling structures and cabins.

The rampart was built by the forces of three legions based on the island, with each small section building a small legion squad. Apparently, such a rotational method did not allow a significant part of the soldiers to be immediately diverted to work. Then these same legions carried out a guard duty here.

As the Roman Empire expanded, already under Emperor Antoninus Pius, in 142-154, a similar line of fortifications was built 160 km north of the Andrianov Wall. The new stone Antoninov shaft was similar to the "big brother": width - 5 meters, height - 3-4 meters, ditches, road, turrets, alarm. But there were much more forts - 26. The length of the rampart was two times less - 63 kilometers, since in this part of Scotland the island is much narrower.

However, Rome was unable to effectively control the area between the two ramparts, and in 160-164 the Romans left the wall, returning for Hadrian's fortifications. In 208, the troops of the Empire again managed to occupy the fortifications, but only for a few years, after which the southern one - the Hadrian's shaft - again became the main line. By the end of the 4th century, the influence of Rome on the island was declining, the legions began to degrade, the wall was not properly maintained, and the frequent raids of tribes from the north led to destruction. By 385, the Romans had stopped serving Hadrian's Wall.

The ruins of the fortifications have survived to this day and are an outstanding monument of Antiquity in Great Britain.

Serif line

The invasion of nomads in Eastern Europe required the strengthening of the southern borders of the Rusyn principalities. In the XIII century, the population of Russia uses various methods of building defenses against horse armies, and by the XIV century, the science of how to correctly build "notch lines" is already taking shape. Zaseka is not just a wide clearing with obstacles in the forest (and most of the places in question are wooded), it is a defensive structure that was not easy to overcome. On the spot, fallen trees, pointed stakes and other simple structures made of local materials, impassable for the horseman, are stuck in the ground crosswise and directed towards the enemy.

In this thorny windbreak were earthen traps, "garlic", which incapacitated the foot soldiers, if they tried to approach and dismantle the fortifications. And from the north of the clearing there was a shaft fortified with stakes, as a rule, with observation posts and forts. The main task of such a line is to delay the advance of the cavalry army and give time to the princely troops to gather. For example, in the XIV century, Prince of Vladimir Ivan Kalita erected an uninterrupted line of marks from the Oka River to the Don River and further to the Volga. Other princes also built such lines in their lands. And the Zasechnaya guard served on them, and not only on the very line: horse patrols went out on reconnaissance far to the south.

Over time, the principalities of Russia united into a single Russian state, which was capable of building large-scale structures. The enemy also changed: now they had to defend themselves from the Crimean-Nogai raids. From 1520 to 1566, the Great Zasechnaya Line was built, which stretched from the Bryansk forests to Pereyaslavl-Ryazan, mainly along the banks of the Oka.

These were no longer primitive "directional windbreaks", but a line of high-quality means of fighting horse raids, fortification tricks, gunpowder weapons. Beyond this line were stationed troops of the standing army of about 15,000 people, and outside the intelligence and agent network worked. However, the enemy managed to overcome such a line several times.

As the state strengthened and the borders expanded to the south and east, over the next hundred years, new fortifications were built: Belgorod line, Simbirskaya zaseka, Zakamskaya line, Izyumskaya line, woodland Ukrainian line, Samara-Orenburgskaya line (this is already 1736, after the death of Peter !). By the middle of the 18th century, raiding peoples were either subdued or could not raid for other reasons, and linear tactics reigned supreme on the battlefield. Therefore, the value of the notches came to naught.

Berlin Wall

After World War II, the territory of Germany was divided between the USSR and the allies into the Eastern and Western zones.

On May 23, 1949, the state of the Federal Republic of Germany was formed on the territory of West Germany, which joined the NATO bloc.

On October 7, 1949, on the territory of East Germany (on the site of the former Soviet occupation zone), the German Democratic Republic was formed, which took over the socialist political regime from the USSR. She quickly became one of the leading countries of the socialist camp.

Berlin remained a problem: just like Germany, it was divided into eastern and western zones of occupation. But after the formation of the GDR, East Berlin became its capital, but West, nominally being the territory of the FRG, turned out to be an enclave. Relations between NATO and the OVD heated up during the Cold War, and West Berlin was a bone in the throat on the road to GDR sovereignty. In addition, the troops of the former allies were still stationed in this region.

Each side put forward uncompromising proposals in their favor, but it was impossible to put up with the current situation. De facto, the border between the GDR and West Berlin was transparent, with up to half a million people crossing it unhindered a day. By July 1961, over 2 million people fled through West Berlin to the FRG, which made up a sixth of the population of the GDR, and emigration was increasing.

The government decided that since it could not take control of West Berlin, it would simply isolate it. On the night of 12 (Saturday) to 13 (Sunday) August 1961, the troops of the GDR surrounded the territory of West Berlin, not allowing the inhabitants of the city either outside or inside. Ordinary German communists stood in a living cordon. In a few days, all streets along the border, tram and metro lines were closed, telephone lines were cut off, cable and pipe collectors were laid with gratings. Several houses adjacent to the border were evicted and destroyed, in many others the windows were bricked up.

Freedom of movement was completely prohibited: some could not return home, some did not get to work. The Berlin conflict on October 27, 1961, would then be one of those moments when the Cold War could turn hot. And in August, the construction of the wall was carried out at an accelerated pace. And initially it was literally a concrete or brick fence, but by 1975 the wall was a complex of fortifications for various purposes.

Let's list them in order: a concrete fence, a mesh fence with barbed wire and electrical alarms, anti-tank hedgehogs and anti-tire spikes, a road for patrols, an anti-tank ditch, a control strip. And also the symbol of the wall is a three-meter fence with a wide pipe on top (so that you cannot swing your leg). All this was served by security towers, searchlights, signaling devices and prepared firing points.

In fact, the wall turned West Berlin into a reservation. But the barriers and traps were made in such a way and in the direction that it was the inhabitants of East Berlin who could not cross the wall and get into the western part of the city. And it was in this direction that the citizens fled from the country of the Internal Affairs Department to the fenced-in enclave. Several checkpoints worked exclusively for technical purposes, and the guards were allowed to shoot to kill.

Nevertheless, in the entire history of the existence of the wall, 5,075 people successfully fled from the GDR, including 574 deserters. Moreover, the more serious the fortifications of the wall were, the more sophisticated were the escape methods: a hang glider, a balloon, a double bottom of a car, a diving suit, and makeshift tunnels.

Another 249,000 East Germans moved west "legally". From 140 to 1250 people died while trying to cross the border. By 1989, perestroika was in full swing in the USSR, and many of the GDR's neighbors opened borders with it, allowing East Germans to leave the country en masse. The existence of the wall became meaningless, on November 9, 1989, a representative of the GDR government announced new rules for entering and leaving the country.

Hundreds of thousands of East Germans, without waiting for the appointed date, rushed to the border on the evening of November 9. According to the recollections of eyewitnesses, the maddened border guards were told "the wall is no more, they said on TV," after which crowds of jubilant residents of the East and West met. Somewhere the wall was officially dismantled, somewhere the crowds smashed it with sledgehammers and carried away the fragments, like the stones of the fallen Bastille.

The wall collapsed with no less tragedy than the one that marked every day of its standing. But in Berlin, a half-kilometer stretch remained - as a monument to the senselessness of such usurpation measures. On May 21, 2010, the inauguration of the first part of the large memorial complex dedicated to the Berlin Wall took place in Berlin.

Trump Wall

The first fences on the US-Mexico border appeared in the middle of the 20th century, but these were ordinary fences, and they were often demolished by emigrants from Mexico.

The construction of a real formidable line took place from 1993 to 2009. This fortification covered 1,078 km of the 3145 km of the common border. In addition to a mesh or metal fence with barbed wire, the functionality of the wall includes auto and helicopter patrols, motion sensors, video cameras and powerful lighting. In addition, the strip behind the wall is cleared of vegetation.

However, the height of the wall, the number of fences at a certain distance, surveillance systems and materials used during construction vary depending on the section of the border. For example, in some places the border runs through cities, and the wall here is just a fence with pointed and curved elements on top. The most "multi-layered" and often patrolled sections of the border-wall are those through which the flow of emigrants was greatest in the second half of the 20th century. In these areas, it has dropped by 75% over the past 30 years, but critics say this simply forces emigrants to use less convenient overland routes (which often lead to their death due to harsh environmental conditions) or resort to the services of smugglers.

On the current section of the wall, the percentage of illegal immigrants being detained reaches 95%. But on sections of the border where the risk of drug smuggling or the crossings of armed gangs is low, there may be no barriers at all, which causes criticism about the effectiveness of the entire system. Also, the fence can be in the form of a wire fence for livestock, a fence made of vertically placed rails, a fence made of steel pipes of a certain length with concrete poured inside, and even a blockage from machines flattened under the press. In such locations, vehicle and helicopter patrols are considered the primary means of defense.

The construction of the separation wall along the entire border with Mexico became one of the main points of Donald Trump's election program in 2016, but the contribution of his administration was limited to moving the existing sections of the wall to other directions of migration, which practically did not increase the total length. The opposition prevented Trump from pushing the wall project and funding through the Senate.

The heavily media-covered issue of building the wall has resonated in American society and outside the country, becoming another point of contention between Republican and Democratic supporters. New President Joe Biden promised to completely destroy the wall, but this statement has remained words for now.

And so far, to the delight of the emigrants, the fate of the wall remains in limbo.