Shock for an American woman: women around the world have a lot to learn. Education in Russian

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

Tanya Mayer moved to Russia from the United States in the 90s. She learned the language and went to conquer Moscow. Everything for Tanya turned out relatively well: a high-paying job, a romantic relationship … But it did not last long: when the man found out about the pregnancy, he chose to simply hide.

So she became a single mother in Russia and gained invaluable experience, as it turned out years later. Time passed, Tanya got married, gave birth to two more children and moved to Europe, but her experience of raising a child in Moscow was so memorable and rewarding that she decided to write a book about him called “Shapka. Babushka. Kefir. How children are raised in Russia”.

How did you end up in Russia, how much time did you spend here and how often do you come here?

I studied Russian and Economics at Georgetown University in Washington. After graduation, I worked on Wall Street for a year and at some point told my boss that I wanted to go to Moscow.

I stayed here for 8 years - in 2008 I moved to my husband in London. Now we live in Vienna, but I try to come to Moscow at least once a year: I like watching the city change.

How did you decide to write a book about your experiences? What hooked you so much about Russian motherhood?

I am very glad that I wrote this book. I am not a journalist or a writer, but I enjoy collecting information, analyzing it and writing. Once one of my Moscow friends added me to a secret group of Russian mothers on Facebook (many of them lived in Moscow, but some were spread all over the world).

Then I shared the idea of the book with the group and asked the girls if they would agree to tell me about their experiences of motherhood. They reacted with great enthusiasm and I got to work. I got the feeling that the women I spoke to enjoyed sharing their experiences - perhaps because in Russia, it is customary to take motherhood seriously. I was probably the first person to ask them to analyze exactly how they are raising children and why. Talking to the girls was really cool.

See also: What does the female upbringing of boys lead to

How does Russian motherhood differ from European and American motherhood?

It seems to me that Russian mothers - no matter where they live: in New York, Moscow or Paris - take their parenting very seriously.

And at the same time, this involvement in parenting does not prevent them from finding time for themselves. Russian women are not victims of motherhood, they enjoy it. They are not afraid to ask for help: in my book, many chapters are devoted to nannies and grandmothers, because in Russia it is customary to raise children together and rely on the help of different people. In the United States, there are mothers who work from home, they are focused on their careers, so they use outside help: mothers plan the life of their children, but these plans are implemented by other people.

There is another type of American mothers, housewives. They perceive motherhood as a sport, and the interests of their children often replace all other needs - it seems to me that this is not a very healthy trend. But Russian women manage to combine everything: they are loving mothers and wives, good friends, they find time to take care of themselves. Russian mothers support each other and are less likely to condemn someone else's choice. And, of course, they are absolutely not lazy.

More on the topic: Why should fathers raise boys?

How is maternity leave arranged in Russia - is it rather humane or stupid?

Oh, this is very humane! As I have already said, I did not have maternity leave, but it was my own decision: I did not want to lose a high position and a good salary. In the US, the standard parental leave is 6 weeks. American mothers work until the 40th week of pregnancy, give birth and return to work after a month and a half, being forced to leave their children in a nursery - nannies are very expensive and not everyone can afford them. This is a terrible reality that most working mothers in the United States face.

In European countries, the decree lasts a maximum of 12 months - this is certainly a dream compared to the American system.

What do you think about Russian kindergartens?

My son was too young for kindergarten when we lived in Moscow.

In the book I write that such a choice is precisely a Russian feature: in Europe and the United States there are certain educational standards that are supported by the state and society and which almost all parents try to adhere to. But it seems to me that there should be many and different ways of upbringing, because all children are different. In Russia, I came across children who did not go to any preschool institutions until the age of seven, and at the same time were very smart and well-socialized.

What superstitions of local mums and dads did you find cute, and which ones were wild?

I love logic, so superstitions generally seem to me to be something unreasonable. What amuses me most is the local idea that cold drinks (especially with ice) can trigger a sore throat or fever. I am also very amused by Russian mothers, like my well-educated friend Sonya, who do not cut their hair during pregnancy.

In your opinion, which Russian traditions of parenting would be good to introduce everywhere, and which ones would be better to abandon altogether?

Healthy eating, frequent walks with children, early potty training - these are the trends in Russian parenting that the entire planet should learn. But I would not copy everything: there are days when you can go out without a hat, and also, it seems to me, humanity survives perfectly well without several courses of baby massage.

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So how are children raised in Russia? Good or bad?

Obviously, I am biased, since I have written an entire book on this topic. But in general: yes, children are raised very well in Russia! Russian mothers spend so much time pondering their decisions, reading books, studying information, asking questions and analyzing their own actions, they put so much mental energy into their motherhood! Women all over the world should learn from them. Unfortunately, in Europe and the United States, there is still an idea of Russian women as strange glamorous creatures with long red nails.