24 hour mom

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

In a modern society with distorted values, the idea is actively instilled that a woman's destiny is self-realization in society, and "staying at home with snotty children" is the lot of unlucky housewives.

But getting healthy and sensible children who will make our world a better place is impossible if a woman does not want to be realized in the family as a mother …

As if she had not given birth

Taxi drivers are talkative people. People often ask what I do. The answer "housewife" evokes in some a respectful one: "Oh! This is a two-shift job!"

Later, I learned to state solidly and succinctly: "Translator". Although I worked as a translator at most twice a week for two to three hours. And the rest of the time, without weekends and lunch breaks, I was a housewife, the mother of two weather boys at that time.

They make us feel complex. What kind of job is mom? It is undignified. Not prestigious. Out of date. We are taught to follow the example of such mothers who, a month after the birth of a child, are already back at work, in a fitness club, in their previous form. As if with the birth of a child, nothing has changed. And the admiration of her friends and acquaintances: "Well, really, as if she hadn't given birth! The figure is the same, the interests are the same, the efficiency is the same." Bravo, and nothing more.

Imagine this picture: Cinderella waited for the prince, but nothing in her life has changed. The same job, the same appearance, the same interests. This means that the princes are called upon to radically change our lives. What about children?

“I have completely sunk: I am sitting at home with a child,” the researcher justifies. Well, that's how to understand it. Someone goes down, and someone rises.

One acquaintance, who was well provided for by her husband, competed with him all the time, being hurt by his successes. “I don’t want to take my husband’s surname and depend on him. I want to achieve my own success, to glorify my own surname.”

In general, I come to the conclusion that feminism is a big inferiority complex. Well, why shout about your equality at every step? That's what I never suffered from. Well, I don't feel worse than a man. Well, what, tell me, the hand of a second-rate leg? Or is the ear lower in dignity than the eye? Why do they need equal rights? They are just different. Equally necessary.

And if in the male field I make modest success, is it really necessary to grieve about this? I would be realized in women. Well, I like it, my field. And I always liked it. My boys feel it and say: "Oh, what a pity that only mothers can feed babies." How does it feel? They see that pregnancy and child-feeding do not bother me, but on the contrary, I am full of mystery and seem to them a mysterious creature.

You can probably learn to play the piano with your feet. What for? You can hammer in nails with a microscope, but you never know hammers for this purpose? It’s my mother’s work that I consider to require special skills and qualifications, in comparison with which paperwork in a company is to be sorted out - you don’t need a lot of intelligence to nail down nails.

And here is what the character of Chekhov's story thinks about this:

"Men in domestic life are frivolous, live with their minds, not hearts, do not understand much, but a woman understands everything. Everything depends on her. She has been given a lot, much will be demanded from her. Oh dear, if she were more stupid in this regard, or weaker than a man, then God would not have entrusted her with raising boys and girls."

God trusted, not hung, did not punish in this way, did not force to do it, because she is not capable of the best.

The most important thing is female happiness

There are two poles among my friends and acquaintances. At one extreme is the mother of four children, the wife of a professor, who believes that if we are not talking about elementary survival (we do not consider such cases), then it is a crime on the part of the mother to go to work and deprive the children of maternal care. The other pole - it is clear what it is, and there is the majority. "I don't want to stand at the stove for a century, I want to realize myself, express myself, etc." I am somewhere between two poles, but gravitate towards the first.

I am especially interested in the question of self-realization. What do we mean by this? Obviously, self-realization for a violinist is music, for an astronaut - space, for a writer - literature. Etc. But some violinist wants a nosebleed! - to be realized in medicine. And the writer will become famous as a sea captain. If a person is versatile, then he will find himself in various fields. But is it necessary to distort your nature?

Why should a woman be ashamed of wanting to be realized as a mother?

I heard about a woman who is successfully raising six children and did not give up her beloved mathematics. She shared her admiration with my mother. "And what is especially surprising here? I have always said: a talented person is talented in everything!"

In the third year of marriage, I called my favorite teacher, an unusually talented and eccentric woman. As a phonetics teacher, she guessed a lot from her voice.

“Wait,” she said to me when I introduced myself, “don't say anything. I'll tell you everything myself, and you’ll tell me if I’m right or wrong. So then. First, you cut your hair. How did I know? It's elementary.: you have the voice of a freshly trimmed woman! Secondly, she revealed herself as a person. They would tell me that you would call me someday - you would never believe. At the institute you were closed, always in yourself. Married, have children. How many children? Two boys? So, we still need a girl. I never gave birth to a girl, I regret it all my life. In short, I’ll tell you this: the most important thing is female happiness. Everything else is nonsense, you can believe me."

Of course, there are mothers who have no support who are alone raising babies. There are situations where the only way out is to go to work for mom. But much more often it is not about elementary survival, not about the beggarly salary of her husband. And all about the same - about self-realization. About running away from home to work, so as not to clink glasses. About not limiting your world to a house that smelled of poop and formula.

One acquaintance who gave birth to her first and only child at thirty-seven years old told with a laugh how she ran to work early in the morning and only there relaxed, combed her hair, calmly drank coffee and came to her senses.

Another admitted that when giving her first child to a nursery, she did not even think about other options: she had to write a dissertation and pave the way in life. With the second, it suddenly dawned on: the child is not a toy. It cannot be "surrendered". They need to be seriously dealt with. The professionalism of private nannies and childcare workers is not a guarantee of the successful development of a child.

When I said at the department that I was going on maternity leave, the head of the department said: "Oh, this is already … I want to say, great!" And sadly she raised her eyes to the ceiling. But everything settled down, they found a replacement for me. When I announced the second decree, without leaving the first, she said cheerfully: "Well, well done! Now science has proven that you can't give a child to anyone until three years old. Mom's kisses and hugs are all he needs for the first three years."

I remember what a withdrawal I had with my first child. Shock: I no longer belong to myself. The first calm cup of coffee and a magazine article a month after giving birth. The desire to live for yourself. Postpartum depression. I felt so sorry for myself, my beloved. With the second, everything was easier, more fun, without shock. Understanding began to come with the third baby.

I enjoyed every minute of communication with him, without any artistic exaggeration.

Recently I read that scientists allegedly discovered a stream … I don't like this word, but you can't go anywhere, a stream of energy, rays emanating from the mother's eyes and penetrating directly into the child's brain, and the brain from this immediately begins to intensively develop, and so on.

I don’t know if it is possible with the help of instruments to detect the rays of love streaming from my mother’s eyes, but do not measure, but my mother’s love streams through her gaze. And it has a powerful effect on the soul, mind, heart, psyche of the child. You can limit this exposure to love until the evening and morning short sessions, and the rest of the time to irradiate the child mentally at work. If time permits and the chef is not harmful. It's like a light-loving plant periodically exposed to light. No one deprives a plant of its light! Here, in the morning they shone on him. Here, in the evening too. What else does he want? And try to explain this to the plant. I hope it understands. And then compare this plant with another plant that always grows in the sun.

I like one short word in the arguments of women seeking work unnecessarily and even in spite of their husbands. Try to guess it.

Reason number one: staying at home for up to three years - I would have moved with my mind.

Reason number two- I need my sources of income.

Reason number three- it's interesting to work.

Reason number four- I want to self-actualize not only as a mother and a housewife.

All of the above is united by the capacious word "I" and its derivatives. I want, I need, I have a need. The desires and needs of the child are not considered in principle.

The child lived with his mother for nine months and suddenly had to stay with strangers. A nursing child experiences separation from his mother as a disaster. There is no concept of time for him. He does not understand that separation is temporary, for him it is eternal. I also read somewhere that people who were not loved by their mothers in early childhood, who were not breastfed, are more inclined to have sex in adolescence. This is not because of special depravity, but because of the desire for tenderness, love, security. I don't know how substantiated this opinion is, but it seems to me that there is something in this.

By the way, it seems to me that mothers who did not realize their pedagogical potential in due time will become more powerful mother-in-law or annoying mother-in-law. Now, with the grandchildren, it finally came to pass. I would like to know the joy of motherhood. Better late than never. "The first child is the last doll, the first grandson is the first child."

And here is another point of view from the same forum:

I do not take force majeure financial situations, this is a different topic. But the option when there is no financial need, there is also no desire for self-realization, but a woman wants to "live beautifully", and for this she leaves a three-month-old baby, it seems to me disgusting and disgusting.

But they remembered that there are more than one children:

Lay the foundation of

Here are some British statistics.

This is the pattern that British sociologists have deduced: success in life, in education, and in professional careers of 1,263 representatives of the "group of the 70s" was in direct proportion to whether their mothers worked in the early period of their childhood or not, and how they shared mom's time between work and home.

The greatest success fell to the lot of those whose mothers devoted themselves before the child turned five to their baby, sacrificing their professional career for this time. It was these "mother's" children who turned out to be more successful than other peers in their studies, in their future professional careers, and, finally, simply more confident and happier in life. The relationship between the time spent by the mother within the walls of the house and the success of her child in school, as it turned out, is so great that any extra hour, "won" by the baby from his mother's professional career, added additional points to him in his subsequent achievements …

However, the researchers measured not only the intellectual development of children and their ability to learn, but also the mental, emotional state. The dependence of the latter on the mother's presence within the walls of the house has been quite eloquently proved here: those whose mothers worked only a year and a half before the babies turned five, various kinds of psychological problems arose less often in their adult life - they were noted in 23 percent …

"The results of our study are unambiguous," says its leader, Professor John Hermish, "if parents were not able to devote enough time to their children in their preschool age, they thereby increased the risk of negative consequences for their offspring in the future."

In other words, it is impossible to postpone the laying of the foundation for a successful future of your child until later. And if parents calculate the strategy of their family in such a way that they first get on their own feet, earning money, job positions, connections and so on, while postponing caring for a growing baby for better times, then they are making a strategic mistake. For neither the subsequently "bought" places in prestigious educational institutions, nor the provision of all conceivable benefits to the grown-up offspring, will no longer replenish and compensate for the moment of truth missed at an early age. The daily presence of the mother, hourly communication with the baby is as precious for his personal development as mother's milk is precious for the development of physical …

But if, first of all, this study appeals directly to parents, then by no means in the second place - to the state, the author of labor legislation and social policy. “Our study is a policy case that supports parental rights to long-term paid parenting leave,” the authors declare. …

In Japan, one of the countries where this policy is most consistently pursued, women who get married tend to quit their jobs. And she returns to the service only when her primary duty to society from the point of view of Japanese morality has been fulfilled - when her children got on their feet, grew up and got stronger …

It is this morality and this particular policy that works well both for the benefit of the thriving Japanese economy and for the benefit of the Japanese family.

See also: What does the female upbringing of boys lead to

Home survival tactics

And yet, stay-at-home staying at home sometimes leaves an unpleasant imprint on women: memory, mental flexibility, low self-esteem, narrowing the range of interests, and depression may develop. Everyone's situations are very different, and there is no panacea for these misfortunes, although you can try to derive general provisions.

And yet, stay-at-home staying at home sometimes leaves an unpleasant imprint on women: memory, mental flexibility, low self-esteem, narrowing the range of interests, and depression may develop. Everyone's situations are very different, and there is no panacea for these misfortunes, although you can try to derive general provisions.

First

It is desirable from the very beginning of family life to feel like a full-fledged member of the family. It is good to be aware of your unworthiness before God and not before your husband. Only the most highly organized men are able to rate their wives higher than they rate themselves.

Yes, a wife is an assistant to her husband, and her work is no less important and must be respected first of all by herself. When a woman’s self-esteem is in order, it is usually passed on to those around her. Not petty bargaining, who is better and more important, but a calm consciousness of their own strength and significance. Unfortunately, I know examples when a woman tacitly agrees that she is just an appendage of her husband, which can be painlessly removed if desired. I know situations when an inferiority complex is instilled in a woman. Being financially dependent means a freeloader.

Having resigned herself to such an assessment of her husband or mother-in-law, a woman can really feel like a parasite. By the age of fifty it can get bored, but try, throw off the yoke, voluntarily accepted thirty years ago. In order not to get into such a situation, it is necessary to prevent it from the very beginning. Simple arithmetic comes to the rescue: the work of a cook, housekeeper and nanny is now very expensive. Analysts calculated that if the average housewife is paid for every position she performs at home (nanny, maid, accountant, etc.), then she should receive 47,280 rubles. per month.

A non-working mother, by the way, has more time to master the complex art of family budgeting. Sometimes she finds brilliant options, and to save is to earn. In general, what is marriage? With harness. A husband and wife are driving a cart. Both themselves and the kids. There is no time to argue over who is in charge. Both are irreplaceable. The smoother the ride, the easier it rides.

Second

You must definitely have some kind of hobby, hobby. Reading, sports, embroidery, music, flower breeding, cats - whatever. This does not mean that you have to put a lot of effort and time on it. To nourish it, it is enough to do what you love, even if a little, but regularly.

Third

In our time, there are unusually many opportunities, with the help of the Internet, distances are covered. From my own experience I know that participation in forums of interest helps: there are forums for young and experienced mothers, literary communities, various virtual clubs. It doesn’t matter if the mothers in the yard are not accepted into your company or you are not interested in their company. You can always find someone close in spirit, albeit virtually.

But I would not neglect live human communication either. Let the neighbor again talk about what you have heard for a long time. After all, she is a sweet woman, and she can look after the child while you run to the market.

Fourth

Avoid an inferiority complex like fire. If you can master a computer, learn how to write emails, drive a car, learn to swim, you need to take this chance. No, you are not a dumbass or a coward. You are an intelligent, capable young woman. And me too. In this connection, I promise to go to driving courses, which, with my topographic cretinism, poor eyesight and weak reaction, I am scared to death. Sorry, you didn't hear that. For a better orientation on the terrain, the locksmith advised me to ride along the roads being mastered, first on a bicycle. So I take my husband's bike and start driving around the neighborhood. Join us!

Fifth

Regular unloading of the mother from the household routine and periodically releasing her as a nanny, grandmother, girlfriend and other person suitable for this purpose. Do not rush to throw tomatoes at me for those who are not available. Most of my married life is also inaccessible to me. We live far from grandmothers, and nannies bite. That is, the prices for nannies. But even here you can find a way out. For example, mutual assistance of girlfriends with children: you to me, I to you. Although once I got burned on this one. "You to me" turned out to be incomparably easier than "I to you". But we have to try again.

Sixth

Make it a rule to give yourself a little rest. For example, my friend does not and never had money for a nanny, but she rested in her own way: every day she walked for forty-five minutes. Alone, without a restless child. In any weather. Otherwise, she just became limp. Despite the housebuilding prevailing in the family, she forced her husband to respect this iron and strict rule. And I could not think of a better one. The husband turned out to be a smart man, besides, he saw the daily fruits of such moral discharge and physical exertion. His wife rewarded him with great patience and endurance in an unequal battle with everyday life and his little son - the natural leader of the Redskins.

By the way, a Jewish joke. A mother with many children comes from the market and, locked herself in the kitchen, eats calmly and tastefully. Children burst into the kitchen, knock and ask: "Mom, what are you doing there?" Mom replies: "I make you a healthy mom!"

When I meet on the forums the pretentious statements of young girls that “a real mother cannot get bored with children, she must think only about them every minute, forget about herself,” I immediately figure out: eighteen years old, not married. And I think: "Uh, honey! Live with mine! I was like you too. And you will probably be like me. If you can bring to life what you demand from us, I will be the first to slap you."

Seventh

There is no need to wait for favors from nature, or the salvation of the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves. If you are romantic and expect your husband to act like the hero of a novel or TV series, you can wait until old age and be disappointed in people. Take the initiative. You are tired, you urgently need to go to a concert or a movie, but your spouse does not notice this. You are hinting, but he does not take the hint. In this case, do not wait offendedly for an invitation. Invite him yourself! Buy tickets, arrange with a friend to sit with the children, relax. The husband will appreciate it. Checked.

Eighth

Try not to wait for an emergency, but to warn him. Here it is piling up, piling up, piling up … Do not wait with folded arms when it breaks out. I understand: there is no money, no time, it is somehow awkward to spend on yourself, there are more pressing needs … If you are completely enough, there are no more pressing needs than rest. We must understand and accept this.

Once our elderly friend with long family experience found me on the verge of breakdown. I complained that we absolutely cannot celebrate the wedding day, because nanny plus road plus cafe is very expensive. To which he replied: "The psychiatrist is more expensive."

Moms sitting within four walls have tactics for survival at home. Each has its own.

When I, covered with depression about sitting in four walls, complained to the priest, he said wonderful words: "Just don't think that this is your cross. If the situation is absolutely unbearable, you have to think about how to change it."

There was simply no money for many beneficial changes in the form of nannies and regular rest with my husband, but I continued to search. Not in one, so in another, we must try to change the situation and make it acceptable.

When the children grew up, I got a job as a freelance translator. Then they began to give written translations. Later the situation changed, we moved, translators were not needed there. I found an unexpected solution: attending courses once a week. On Wednesday evening you dress up, talk in a society of like-minded people, meet interesting people, get an assignment for the next lesson, and the thought warms up all week: class is coming soon, you have to do your homework, propose a topic for discussion, read this, write this …

And now you peel potatoes not like a slave, but with a song. You make sketches from children and are surprised at the new, suddenly revealed in them. And with inspiration you make a house with them out of a box of cornflakes, write an article "On the developmental properties of cardboard." And the children ask: "Mom, why are you singing? A holiday, or what?" And all this without leaving the children, without hiring nannies.

I don’t think that my college education is wasted, that I go rotten at home, and that my professional skills are moldy. On the contrary, I try to transfer everything I received in my life into children. I teach them everything I know myself. Here is the average son whines that he is bored, and I try to reveal to him a secret why I rarely get bored. "What can be more boring than washing dishes or peeling potatoes? But I try to never do the routine" dry. "I either sing or compose a story in my head. ".

He also loves to write, everywhere I find his notebooks, notes, diaries and leaflets. Either I will delight you early in the morning with an opus on the theme "Trees in Our Lives", then I take out a leaflet from my school trousers with the inscription: "In memory of George. Thank you George. You were a real friend." It turns out that they buried an unintentionally crushed ladybug. He composed a funeral oration. Then I stumble upon a top-secret diary with encrypted entries. I will not hide - I am glad. Something has already been laid. Now water, dig in …

We went to a concert with the elder. And suddenly I understand - we have already reached the moment when you are resting not from the child, but together with him. In the second compartment, he poked me in the side. “It’s begun,” I thought resignedly. And my son asked: "Mom, can you buy more tickets?"

We met with former classmates. Eleven years have not seen each other. Many of our ladies have taken important positions, realized themselves in the most unexpected and interesting areas. There were two stay-at-homes: me and Lena. We listened with interest to successful friends, admired the photographs, outfits and cars. But I realized that you have to pay dearly for this: many of our girls live at an incredibly tough pace, chronically do not get enough sleep, see little children.

And I kept looking at Lena. She sat quietly. The photo showed only one. She has a wonderful family, an amazingly unspoiled child. She said almost nothing to herself. I figured out why. So that no one is jealous.

One acquaintance shared: "My father was a prominent scientist, achieved a lot, but did not share anything, nothing at all with us, sons. He didn’t care about us at all. He was realized. And we?"

Take a closer look at your little one. Here he is looking at the pyramid with interest, blowing bubbles from his nose. Or artistically spreads jam on the table. Or kicks to the beat of the music. Maybe before you is the future Mendeleev, Rachmaninov, Stolypin. Don't miss me? Will you notice? Will you help me?

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Why is it necessary to give birth and raise more children?

Lyudmila Selenskaya, source