Early development is just a way to make money

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

Early development - myth, fashion or necessity? Does the child really need early development and what could be this development for your child personally?

- Just a way to make money, that's all. The fantasy that we have to become what someone imagines, it is strange in itself. And about early development: it goes hand in hand with representation or deception, it may be that a person himself, being in an open, normal, interesting environment, will not pick up on his own what he should. He will pick exactly where he will go.

- I believe there are wonderful teachers and teachers. It depends, again, what is meant. There is such a project "Together with Mom", I accidentally got there on Saturday morning. Mothers, fathers with children come, music plays there, they hang out to this music. Very cool. What am I against, or what? As you and I go to a club, a museum, go out of town with a good company, it's the same here. I don’t know to what extent this is an early development studio, this is how life itself is arranged. Is it good to draw with children? Wonderful. Is it good to embroider together? Wonderful. Cooking food together? Just happiness. Lying on the couch? It's also a lot of fun.

- In what you just said, the verbs are very significant: not “where does your child go”, but “where do you take him?” This creates a tough track that ends in nowhere. Uncles and aunts just have a fantasy where your child should go to develop. And if you ask them: “What will become of him if he does not go there?”, The answer will be: “How can you talk about this? How can you ask a question like that? And nothing will happen. At this time, the child is not in an airless space: he hangs out with his mother, looks around, gains impressions. Which are certainly no worse than the experience in an early development studio.

- Parents are very easy to catch. Any parent has parental anxiety, this is an objective thing. We are worried that we will not deliver something, that we will do something wrong. It is quite easy to manipulate any of us on this score. This is done by all and sundry, in addition to private entrepreneurs, the state also loves to work with this topic.

- Norms under which, coming to the first grade, you need to be able to read. This is an amazing story, what it is all about. And why is school needed then? This reaches its peak in the system of career guidance that I hate: when a person at the age of 14-15 should know who he will be. It seems to me that a person at this age should not know who he will be, and vice versa, it is correct if he does not know and checks everything that interests him and clings.

However, from the point of view of government and administration, it is very convenient if we know who we will be at the age of 14. And they know it too. Our parents, our grandmothers were very proud of the fact that there was only one entry in their work book. Just think: one record in your life. The man hasn't tasted anything at all, do you understand? After all, our humanity is precisely manifested in trying new things, changing different things all the time.

- And the methods of manipulation and control are different. For example, we tell a child: "If you said something, you must do so." Yes? Can't I change my mind? Isn't my humanity manifested in the fact that I said something, then weighed it and realized that I was mistaken. Further, the toolkit, as I do it, so that the person does not let down, does not violate something, but nevertheless. This is a tool, and my humanity is manifested in the fact that I change something.

“He makes music, and now he wants to quit. And we tell him that we need to get it."

- Yes, even just a circle in four years. And this can still be flavored with such a seasoning: "You yourself wanted it!" or "We agreed!" This is one hundred percent manipulation: there was no contract, he did not want anything, he just treats his mother very well, and she deceived him, took advantage of the fact that she was a very important person for him, and he believed her, you fool.

- Quite right. Mom at this moment herself is manipulated, we have already said how. She does not stop and does not think about how wonderful it is if a person at the age of four or five has tried a little bit of what a flute is, then a little bit, what a theater, art, chess is. This is great.

- It's true. But in reality there is a teacher, and this is precisely his task: how to make this difficulty possible and interesting to overcome. This is a person who gives strength, represents ways. And if the teacher sits and repeats the same thing about the fact that if difficulties are encountered, they must be overcome, how does he help? It's okay with the difficulties. After all, these are also peculiarities of our language: it is one thing to say that now it will be difficult for you. Another thing is to say that you will now take the next step. Quite different things.

It's great when a person has the experience to start something, and then leave it, change his mind. Is it necessary at this moment that a person of 4-5 years old be able to explain what's what? Yes and no. I have the right to leave some things without explanation. And this poor mother, or dad, who say that it is imperative to bring all things to the end, they are in this paradigm, once established.

If you think about it, what is childishness? Childhood is to make noise, to quit, to do ten things at once and enjoy it, and not at all when little wise old people are sitting, who at the age of three began to draw, and now they have only drawing all their lives.

- Who am I to fight verbs. I endlessly give the same example about reading. How do you get kids to read? There is a very simple way, and at the same time the verb "develop" in quotation marks. Read. It's all. If I am in a space where Mom and Dad are reading, I’ll read one way or another. I absorb everything at this age, like a sponge. In addition, I feel like a part of the family, a part of the family culture, its bearer.

Now, if my child's development is that I come home from work, flop on the sofa, turn on the TV and say: “Go do something useful, read it,” this is such a level of self-deception that I develop it!

On the contrary, I slow down his development, I teach him that reading is hard, unpleasant work, in a certain sense a punishment, because I punish you by not communicating with me. I also repeat the mantra that all people should read. This is destruction.

If I want him to read, I take a paper book from the shelf and leaf through my favorite pages of Kuprin, Turgenev, anyone else. If you do not read, at this moment he will develop differently, next to you, but it will still be.

I do not understand at all how it is: to take and forcibly "develop". But if you turn this verb over, then it will “develop” all the same.

Develop yourself, you need to live fun

- Well done. The parent needs to be aware of his own interest and joyfully do what he likes. This is the best example that a person can show. In a transitional age, when I was interested in any literature about love, relationships, and so on, I remembered Maupassant's phrase: "He was kindled by someone else's passion." The child will ignite someone else's passion, guaranteed.

If mom selflessly fries cutlets and sews, and dad selflessly fries fish, although no, let's not divide them by gender. If dad selflessly fries cutlets and embroiders, and mom catches fish, I will definitely light up. And if I don’t light up, I’ll get confirmation that it’s great to do what brings joy, what moves me forward.

Do I need to develop a child? There is no need. The answer sounds trite: "develop yourself", but it is. You need to live happily. You need to live so that you understand what you are doing now.

- Parents still cannot provide all the opportunities. It's great if they manage to show what life is interesting, to see how they dance here, and there they do robotics. At this point, they need to be sensitive enough to give him the right to become interested. If I carry him everywhere, poke him everywhere, he certainly does not have time to understand and become interested. Don't do this. This is not our role: to open the field - yes, of course, to force a person into a variety of frames - no.

There is also such an age-psychological aspect: when I am 4-5 years old, my centers of attention are constantly changing, I must have time to catch on. We are different. How many films do we have as adults that we enter at the 23rd minute? And if they distracted me on the 14th, because they wanted to develop it, then I didn't get hooked, I didn't appreciate this film. And about books as well, and about food, and about dances.

- With foreign languages, in my experience, by the way, everything is exactly the opposite. In the 19th century there lived a great woman, Adelaide Semyonovna Simonovich, in my opinion, a completely unappreciated discoverer. She founded the first kindergartens in our country, by and large, she came up with the whole system. She had an interesting article, "Bad Bonne, or Russification of the nursery." When parents start having an obsession with foreign languages, I usually give them this article as an example. Simonovich writes that there is no need to worry.

When a person becomes older, at the age of 6-7 years, he will calmly take a second language, when he understands why he needs it, he will hear that other people speak this way. Is it true that learning another language is more correct at 8, and not at 45? Yes. But here's an important point: today, a child, in principle, will not be left without a foreign language. He listens to music, watches movies, he finally starts to correspond with people from other countries. You need to find a very, very bad teacher to prevent the child from doing this.

It's about languages. Are there other things that are too late to start learning? When I was studying music, my teacher's oldest student was 54 years old, and he came to her at 52. He just realized that he wanted to make music all his life, and now the time has come. No, it seems to me that this is also such a deception: we can always start doing what we want. This deception is also supported by some pedagogical tradition.

When an overage girl or young man says to his parents: “Well, why didn't you force me to study music as a child?”, This is a double deception.

Because if you really want to make music, go and study. And if you imagine yourself to be such a weak-willed being that you are not able to pull yourself together now, this is a very strange idea of life. I am a person who plays, is it easier to learn how to play 8, 9, 10? Yes.

I have such a trick, I'll hand it over now. When I perform in the hall, I often ask those who went to play music in childhood to raise their hands. They raise their hands, as you know, in Russia two-thirds of the intelligentsia. After the question: "Who can now approach the instrument and play something?", 2-3 hands remain. And what happened to the rest? What happened to them in childhood? Maybe at that time they could play hockey selflessly? A snake launching an airplane? Draw? Some parental ambition worked at this moment.

Why are they sent to play? This is the very development! By the way, not recently they appeared, these early development studios, they were in the Soviet Union, only there was less choice. "We develop the child, he needs to play!" Come on! Those units who are really talented in this, who are written to play, we will notice them, they will certainly prove themselves.

Turn off the TV, put down your sandwich and go to your child

- Come on, the answer is obvious.

- These are different things, a tablet and a pyramid. If a person sits at home and plays from morning to night on a tablet, you need to understand what they did to you that you don't want to be with them so much. Good or bad, I will not talk now, this is a separate topic. But we definitely pushed him into the virtual world. But in this virtual world he also gets at least something, he also develops.

Am I a fan of this kind of development? No, I'm not a fan, but I understand that there is not a single study that confirms that tablets are detrimental to a child. If at this moment the parent, who himself put him on this tablet, is now trying to pull him out of there by force so that he goes "to develop", the question arises: "Why?" If it is already doing something, why switch it? If you want to be with him, show him how interesting you live, hurray. Moreover, if you really start to live interestingly, he will certainly connect to you. Although he has the right not to.

And everything that concerns the pyramid is an illusion imposed from the outside, a hallucination: it seems to us all the time that now, in 10 minutes, the most interesting thing will begin, now, now, I will reach the studio, and it will begin.

A person at the age of three, in most cases, has not yet been hooked on this strange idea of preparing for life instead of life itself. So maybe you shouldn't?

This is how the development works: preparation for something to come. When the future comes, it turns out to be preparation for something next.

Early development is preparation for kindergarten, kindergarten is preparation for school, school is preparation for university, university is preparation for adulthood, and life is preparation for death

Very cool if he collects a pyramid. This gives him the right to himself, he does not realize it, but learns automatically: I can follow my own interest, I can be in the moment, I can respect my action. The whole complex.

- The main question is always: "Why" … Now we are running to the development center, we are already late, and suddenly the child with whom we are running, let him be 4 years old, sees a fluttering butterfly. He stops, of course. On the machine, most of us will continue this inertia: "What are you, ran faster!" If at this moment I ask myself the question: “Why?”, Everything immediately falls into place. If we run and are late for development, then this is what is happening now.

Next question: "What am I teaching him now?"The parent loves to talk about it: how to teach how to teach this? What do I teach him when I ask him to interrupt what he is doing and run and indulge in what seems important to me. What am I teaching him? Betray yourself, obey someone else's will, the one who is strong is right. This is what I teach him.

This question must be answered honestly. The moment I drag him by the hand to a meeting, I do not teach him not to be late. This is a very important point. You cannot learn not to be late in this way, he has a completely different picture in his head now, he sees everything differently from how you see it. I do not teach him to be late, I teach him to obey stupidly, I teach him to mindlessly perform actions. I teach that there are some unknown important things that are much more important than what he wants now, and which for some reason he must perform. I make him a little will-doer of the strong. That is, I do, in general, exactly the opposite of what every parent wants.

And the last question: "What am I doing now?"What do I do at the moment when I lie on the couch and send him to read. Trying to get rid of him? Tell yourself the truth. And then either honestly untie yourself, only in another way: let him do what he wants. Or be horrified by this: "Wow, is this really what I want?" - and turn off the TV, put down the sandwich and go to your child.