Jump into the abyss

2024 Author: Seth Attwood | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-16 15:55

It's easy to get into a parallel world today:

you just need to enter your login and press the button.

But to go back and become yourself again -

this, alas, is beyond the power of technology.

I've been sitting at my home computer for an hour now, trying unsuccessfully to focus on my work. Wildly wanted to sleep, and I promised to finish a new song in the evening. Here, as always, Bass called at the wrong time. In our company, he was the main connoisseur of all the most mysterious and unknown. Well, part-time he worked as a bass player, for which he got his nickname. Once again he dug up some kind of sensation and hurried to shock me with it:

- Hello, old man! Here is news of a universal scale. Have you heard of the Schumann frequencies?

“I’m not fond of his music,” I replied wearily.

- No, I'm not talking about the composer. This phenomenon is the same in physics. In short, I enlighten …

“Listen, Bass,” I wanted to stop him. - you just loaded me with the Mandela effect the other day. Have a conscience!

But, despite the presence of a conscience, it was extremely difficult to slow down this inexhaustible source of energy and optimism. And so he, nevertheless, posted his new discovery:

- In short, such a thing. The earth radiates low frequency waves. They affect everything, including our consciousness and health. Somewhere there … four or five frequencies, I think. They are always stable, but for each, the intensity can change. And this changes their total value.

- Well, what do I have with this? - I interrupted my friend's inspirational monologue.

- Yes, listen! This news is generally a bomb! - The bass noisily took a sip of something invigorating and continued with even greater enthusiasm. - In general, as soon as the total frequency reaches a certain level, the consciousness of people will pass into a fundamentally different state. You know, like … an epiphany, a new birth, or something like that. It is as if you will find yourself in another world and become different yourself. Understood?

- Yeah … - I answered reluctantly. - Well, when will it happen?

- Yes, that's the whole point of parsley, that everyone writes differently. Maybe in ten years, or maybe right now, in a second. But I personally think that it is better to be ready for everything in advance. And then you never know …

Great truths were clearly difficult for me today. Rubbing my forehead with my palm, I politely asked Bas as far as possible:

- Listen, I’m not thinking well right now. I just did not sleep at night: I took my father to the airport, and on the way back, as luck would have it, the car stalled. By the time the tug caught, midnight had passed.

- I understand, old man! I got into such stories myself!

- You, maybe, give me the links to the mail, throw off, and tomorrow I'll read it calmly.

- And I already threw it off. In general, there is a lot of everything about this on the Internet. So you can dig it yourself. Well, then, be there. I'll go for a walk for Basik.

Bas had a dog named Basik. A year ago, he picked it up somewhere outside the city. The dog was very bad, and Bass came out, literally miraculously bringing him back to life. Now he has the best and most grateful friend. Well, in fact, he is his whole family.

… For a while I sat in front of the monitor, trying in vain to concentrate on anything. Eyes stubbornly closed, and a complete mess reigned in my head. With difficulty, I forced myself to get up from my chair and go to brew strong coffee. This was my very last chance to fulfill my solemn promise and finish the song.

Returning back with a mug of hot miracle drink, I made myself comfortable and decided to start by re-reading what I had already managed to grab. The first two verses are kind of okay. The third … oh well, okay. There is no time anyway. So … Now we still have to sit with the chorus, but in the fourth verse the horse was not lying around yet. … Where were my sketches there? Pulling a chair closer to the computer, I set my mug on the table and opened the folder with drafts.

Suddenly I felt a sharp gust of warm wind, from which everything seemed to smoothly sway around.

- What is this …? - I wondered aloud.- No, we urgently need to drink coffee!

After taking a few big sips, I tried to tune in to that damn song again. Found a couple of idea sketches. It would be necessary only to collect thoughts in a pile and somehow blind all this more or less smoothly. So … Let's say it will be in the beginning … And this …

But then a new gust of wind shook me and all the space around me. And suddenly it seemed to me that the floor beneath me began to collapse. Or dissolve …

- Hey, what's this ?! - I already cried out, looking around. The first delusional thought that visited my head was the words of Bass about some kind of transition there. - Come on, just do not say that it has already begun! - I joked gloomily, instinctively grabbing the armrests of my chair.

And then the chair with me abruptly jerked down somewhere. I grabbed the armrests with all my strength and closed my eyes tightly …

* * *

… Something rocked me smoothly and softly. Sometimes it suddenly shook me sharply. Then it swayed again, just as softly and smoothly. …What is it? … And where, in the end, did I end up?

At first I didn't hear a sound. It was an unusual feeling to hear nothing: this feeling of emptiness was a little frightening and depressing. But a little later, in this silence, gradually something began to appear. Some subtle, constant hum. During the shaking - a quiet rumble from somewhere below, as if someone were pushing an iron box with tools. Strange … Then I began to hear voices. At first, vaguely and implicitly, and I could not make out anything. But the sounds grew louder and clearer. And now I have already heard speech, male and female. There were several voices. Some argued about something, others joked and laughed. Someone inserted separate phrases into the conversation.

… And only now I managed to open my eyes. What I saw, frankly speaking, shocked me. No, I did not see anything terrible and terrible in front of me. And I did not see anything outrageously supernatural either. It just shocked me that, having fallen into another dimension, I ended up in the back seat of some nondescript bus, similar to those that I saw in old Soviet films. What, what, and this I, just, least expected!

I carefully looked out the window, hoping that at least there I would find something special. But no. Outside the window, shabby two-story houses, dim traffic lights and long wooden fences floated in the evening lights. And to top it all off, at one of the intersections I saw a bright red banner with big white letters "Glory to work!"

So what happens: I got into another dimension: I somehow miraculously ended up in our own past ?! … Well … what should I do now? … Nobody here knows me. I don't know anyone either. How to fit into this unfamiliar and incomprehensible society to me, I have no idea. Yes, and I do not burn with desire at all. There, at my place, I, at least, knew what was what and who was who, but here … To be honest, I was in a state of slight panic.

*

Looking up from the window, I looked at the bus seats upholstered in dark dermantine. And only now I noticed a cheerful young company, noisily discussing something interesting and exciting. They did not notice me. Or maybe I was invisible to them. At least for now, I would prefer it to be so.

For a few moments, the company was quiet: the stream of brilliant ideas and sharp jokes temporarily dried up. And, taking advantage of the moment, the girl in a fashionable beret asked a modest young man with a guitar to sing something from the fresh repertoire. The company enthusiastically supported the proposal, and a slightly embarrassed guy sang a song, the chorus from which I heard somewhere in our time.

I would hardly have memorized the words, but one phrase from the song suddenly suddenly became the subject of general discussion. A blonde girl with a long thick braid repeated softly:

- "We will live in a village so far not rich in order to take all the wealth from the ground." … Here we take all the time from the earth and nature. And no one thinks that, having taken, it is necessary to give something of equal value. Otherwise, the balance in the world will be disturbed. And one day something irreparable or even terrible may happen. But we, where is the good, do not even say thank you!

- You are a freak, Vera! - Giggled a slender boy with perky protruding hair. - Is it that we should say "thank you" to clay and stones?

“The land we live on,” the girl corrected him quietly. “She’s also alive. And nature, of course!

- Yah you! - the guy dismissed with a laugh.

The student sitting across from him gravely adjusted his glasses and quoted loudly:

- "We should not wait for mercy from nature, it is our task to take them from her." By the way, the great Michurin said!

… If the wise guy knew that Michurin suspiciously borrowed this phrase from the Morgan and Rockefellers, who wanted to justify the barbaric extermination of life for the sake of their selfish plans and insatiable appetites. … By the way, it's funny: I've never been a conservationist before. But now I thought about it for the first time. About who we really are for our planet … My unexpected thoughts were very successfully continued by another girl who was sitting right in front of me:

- And I will support Vera. So we put all our strength and hopes into technical progress. Probably, this is really very necessary and important. But do we have the right to leave in the last place the concern for life, as something secondary and unimportant? More and more great tasks and accomplishments, and less and less warmth and love. Even ourselves we hear less and less. And from that we understand less and less what all this progress is for. And life itself for what …

- Well, we've arrived! - whistled a tall guy of athletic appearance. - They have already dragged love! Nadenka is in her repertoire!

- Well, of course! - Vera stood up. - We must live in soul and mind, in equal measure and with equal strength. Only then can a person become complete and perfect. It's like a bird: if one wing is large and strong, and the other weak and tiny, it will not only fly, it will not even be able to rise into the air!

- You should be ashamed! the oldest young man chided her dryly. - You are a Komsomol member, but you are talking about some soul!

- The priests invented the soul to fool people, - added someone from the far corner, - and you sing along with them!

“They didn’t come up with it,” the girl answered quietly but stubbornly. - They appropriated, and then emasculated its essence and purpose with their canons.

- Come on, stop arguing! - the shaggy merry fellow stood up conciliatoryly. - Technological progress will come to the aid of a person in all spheres of life. And a person freed from hard work will be able to develop freely both mentally and spiritually. Here are two wings for you!

- Wouldn't it turn out that, on the contrary, he will lose the incentive to develop if the machines will do everything for him? - someone from another corner doubted aloud. - Because of the abundance of technology and all kinds of conveniences, people degrade, become lazy and soulless consumers, unable to value and cherish anything. Can't this happen?

*

For a while, I was distracted, immersed in my own thoughts. I just looked out the window, watching the fading lights of the lanterns and the bright moon rising over the houses in the still light twilight sky. A light, cool breeze, filled with the aromas of early autumn, blew through a small crack in the window. I suddenly felt somehow easy and calm. For the first time in a long time, I was in no hurry and did not care about anything. I already had time to love this hard back seat of an old bus rattling with all its iron.

The students argued heatedly for some time. They managed to quarrel and make up again. And again, at the most convenient moment, someone remembered the guitar. The song sounded. For some reason, the words from the last verse were etched into my memory:

"Many years will pass, and my student will understand that there is no formula for happiness in textbooks …"

“It's funny,” I chuckled to myself. how to find happiness, health, how to fill the world with joy and peace. Once my friend said that in the old days there was a completely different school that taught to ask questions and find answers to them, taught to learn and understand the laws of Nature and the Universe. And this knowledge opened the way for people to perfection, endowing them with almost limitless possibilities … What did we do wrong, if in fact all this was, and we lost it?

My new acquaintances were more fortunate than us: they clearly knew and understood these eternal truths better than we do today. Apparently, their grandfathers and grandmothers still managed to convey something to them. True, there were many old school teachers at school then, who did not follow instructions, but to their liking and conscience. It was still possible at the time. And many books in those years taught honor and kindness.

I glanced furtively at my fellow travelers and quietly envied them. We no longer knew how to be friends like that, rejoice, dream, believe. They were sincere, kinder, more honest and noble. They were kind of … more real …

Looking at them, for some reason I believed that they really could build a wonderful future. If they could, in spite of and in spite of, spread both wings …

*

The students have already had time to argue about everything, and after a new lyric song they were drawn to dreams. They dreamed of a bright future, of world peace, of equality, brotherhood and general prosperity. They believed that every year life would be better, fairer, calmer and happier. And this will happen without fail thanks to the Soviet Union and the leading role of the Party.

If I told them now how a whole army of “fighters for the ideals of communism”, from small to the highest, at a certain moment zealously rushed to sell our country wholesale and retail, overnight becoming successful businessmen and bankers … I would, at best recognized as insane, and at worst would be called an enemy of the people with all the ensuing consequences …

But they did not yet know the future and continued to dream with inspiration. About a world without wars, humiliation, fear and pain. And not someday, but very soon, maximum in some thirty years …

- Yes, there will be none of this! - suddenly burst out from me.

Everyone suddenly fell silent and turned in my direction. It seems that my hope of being invisible was not fulfilled.

- Who is this? the guy with the glasses said in surprise.

- It doesn't matter, we'll figure it out, - the most adult of the company looked at me frighteningly sternly.

- Come on, Boris, he was joking! - the girl in a beret stood up conciliatoryly. - He was joking, right?

I was silent. I didn't want to lie to them. But the truth was not to kill faith in the future either. There was an unpleasant, oppressive silence for several seconds. Then Boris slowly turned to the chauffeur:

- Gene, stop.

The bus pulled up on the side of the road, creaking loudly with all its old iron.

- You should go out. - Boris said gloomily, - We are not on the way.

… The door slammed shut behind me. I sighed heavily and slowly looked around. I was terribly sorry that everything had turned out this way. At least I didn't want to quarrel with these guys at all. And he didn't want to leave either. But … The engine hummed, and the wheels, raising thick clouds of road dust, carried my company somewhere into the misty distance.

From the dust, I involuntarily closed my eyes. My throat was very tight and I began to cough desperately. At some point I suddenly lost my balance and began to fall … Only I fell somehow very … slowly … Or … Or am I falling somewhere again ?!

* * *

… I … stood firmly on the floor. The cough and pain in the eyes are gone. I was already afraid to open my eyes, and only listened cautiously. From somewhere quiet and very simple rhythmic music was coming, implicitly, but somehow persistently acting on the consciousness. And someone else's steps. They sounded from all sides. It looks like it was some kind of room, and, apparently, quite large.

Opening my eyes, I saw a very spacious circular room, brightly lit by many sources of diffused light. Everything was covered with metal and light-colored plastic. It looked very stylish and solid. Some kind of light indicators, signs and video panels were inscribed in the geometry of the walls. Long corridors radiated out of the hall, and between them, in small niches, there were shining pedestals with touch control panels.

- But this … I understand - a leap in time! This is the future, definitely! Yes … it looks like it won't be boring!

I looked around with curiosity, trying to feel the spirit and rhythm of this mysterious tomorrow. Many young people walked around me, busy with their own business. It is strange that there were no children or old people. But that didn't really interest me.

*

From somewhere above, an even, pleasant voice sounded:

- Group S-208 - gathering at the second portal. Group X-171 - Gathering at Portal 6. I wish everyone a pleasant day.

The same information was immediately duplicated on all information panels. Several young men hurried to the shiny bollards and lined up in front of them. I noticed that everyone has triangular numbered stripes on their shoulders. Instinctively, glancing at my shoulder, I also discovered the same triangle. It read X-171. After some thought, I joined the group at the sixth portal.

A girl with a device similar to a tablet approached the sensor and put it on the panel. The device blinked several times and the screen turned bright green. The task for the group has been loaded.

Strange, but somehow I knew that these tablets are called guides, and those who wear them are called leaders. For team members called fans, they are the absolute authority. And the biggest dream of every fan is to become a leader someday. I also knew from nowhere that tasks for guides are sent out by special operators, who are called idols here. They, in turn, are commanded by the Clan of Patrons. There is someone above them, too, but this information is not available to the service class.

The girl - the leader went to the sixth corridor. She constantly looked at the monitor of her guide, on which some pointers, texts and pictures flashed. The group followed her in an even formation. Step by step. At some point, the girl stumbled and nearly fell. All the fans exactly followed her movements. Probably, it would be very funny, but … and I, myself, not knowing why, also mechanically repeated everything. Weird…

We walked on, turning a corner, entering a door and again finding ourselves in a long corridor. At an equal distance from each other were sliding doors, and between them all the same indicators and light panels glowed and blinked. Wherever we were, simple, rhythmic music always sounded above us. And everyone who went somewhere tried to move in rhythm with this music. I suddenly remembered a rhyme that seemed to be taught before: "If you want to be in the ranks - step to the rhythm."

*

We came to a fork where three corridors converged. There were also three doors leading to the elevator. Two small teams stood waiting for their turn. The leader of our group received a signal from the guide to stop and let another convoy pass. The red indicator of one of the elevators changed to blue, and the door wings gently parted to the sides. The guy leading the column saw the start command on the guide and, without taking his eyes off the monitor, walked to the elevator.

Only … there was no elevator. A black hole gaped behind the doors. It looks like the booth is stuck somewhere upstairs. But the guy had already stepped into the void. … A few seconds of silence, and somewhere far below there was a dull blow and a quiet stifled cry, which rolled with a booming echo throughout the mine. And this time, his entire team, one by one, followed him …

… There was complete silence. All in a daze looked at the black hole of the elevator box. Probably it was seconds, but to me they seemed like an eternity. And the black void in that doorway seemed bottomless and endless to me. Endlessly black. And infinitely cold …

… The indicator has changed to red. Upstairs, something banged and creaked. The blue turned on again, and the elevator doors slowly closed. The speakers played soft rhythmic music again. The usual calm voice announced that the technical problem had been eliminated and the work groups could continue their studies. Group U-636 was given the command to go down to the first level to lift # 6. The task is to urgently clean the elevator shaft. In conclusion, as usual, the voice wished everyone a pleasant day.

The columns quickly rebuilt and hastened to continue the planned routes. It turned out not very organized and not quite in rhythm. But the zeal was the same. Our leader was given the command to go into the nearest room. Opening the door, she disappeared inside. We hurried after, but another team crossed the road, and we ran into them in the confusion, almost knocking their leader off his feet. Trying to keep his balance, he dropped his guide from his hands. I instinctively jumped out of line to catch the falling device, but maneuvering between the huddled confused fans, I did not have time to catch it. Hyde fell to the floor, and apparently passed out. I picked up the device and handed it to the leader. He froze in a daze, staring at the blank screen. Strange: he almost did not react to the death of people, but he came to indescribable horror at the sight of a faulty guide!

Without waiting for a response from the guy, I turned to my group. They obediently stood in a row, waiting for the command. Our leader did not seem to notice that no one followed her. Apparently, she saw nothing but her monitor.

*

I looked at the device that fell into my hands by the will of fate and again turned my gaze to our team. And then suddenly I thought that now is the time to make some kind of decision. I stood in front of the column and pretended to look closely at the monitor. I walked a few steps. To my surprise, the group followed me.

I walked down the hallway, examining the signs on the doors, hoping to find at least some clue. And then my attention was attracted by a small door, which showed a black cross in a red triangular frame. What attracted me to her? Maybe a triangle, as on our stripes and the letter "X", the letter of our team … Or an inner voice pushed? … So it does not matter. Forward!

It was completely dark inside. Well, at least the guide monitor continued to burn. In the semi-darkness, I made out a spiral iron staircase leading somewhere far up. And I decided to go there, although I had no idea what might await me there. Probably, I climbed for a very long time. From the constant rotation, my head was spinning and my legs hurt badly. But my whole team followed me, not lagging behind a single step.

Finally, the staircase ended, and just overhead I saw a small iron hatch. For several minutes I struggled with doubts and sudden fears. But, looking at the black hole of the bottomless well under my feet, I finally decided to make a choice and opened the hatch …

*

The first thing I smelled was the smell of a large, open space. Above us was a sky covered with thick, gray clouds. Light gusts of dry wind lifted fine gray-yellow dust into the air. Everything around here was gray-yellow. Flat rectangles of concrete buildings were everywhere. Either warehouses or hangars. There is dust and badly battered asphalt underfoot.

Maybe the wind, or the high sky overhead, … but something seemed to make me wake up from a long hibernation. I looked at the guys standing in a daze behind my back and looking in fear at the sky. I realized that they were seeing the sky for the first time in their lives. Until that day, they knew nothing but corridors, monitors and buttons. And now, finding themselves in the open world, they felt completely lost and helpless. With fear and hope they await my decision. They will do whatever I tell them to. But … what will I say and … where will I lead them?

The first thing that came to mind was to get out of this stone labyrinth and find something alive. A river, a forest, a meadow, … but at least something! I hoped that by touching the source of life, we would be able to awaken at least some kind of life in ourselves … After all, at least something should remain in this world, except for dust, concrete and iron!

I looked around. Somewhere in the distance, two people appeared. They were carrying a large rusty pipe. It seemed to me that they were old people. I was about to call out to them, but then another man came out from around the corner of a neighboring building with a box on his shoulder. He was definitely an old man. Strange … There, below, there is only young people, and above, in hard work, in mud and dust, the older generation is living out the remnants of life. So much for all the progress …

I was about to approach this man, but he stopped me with a barely perceptible gesture. At least that's how it seemed to me. The old man put the box on the ground and, glancing briefly in my direction, stretched out his hand and straightened his sleeve. Glancing at me again, he lifted the box and walked away. I think I understood correctly that my grandfather secretly showed me where I should go. Why didn't he just tell me? Perhaps there are security cameras around, and he was afraid of punishment for deciding to help me. Or maybe they are even forbidden to talk?

I guess I should have been careful too. It is not known what dangers could lie in wait for us. And who knows, maybe they have already announced the hunt for us as deserters. Here, it seems, they have everything tightly seized…. And just thinking about it, I suddenly felt a piercing pain in my knee. The first panicky thought: “Spotted! Shot! … I failed everything …"

* * *

… Something hot was slowly flowing down my leg. My head was dizzy. It was dark and stuffy. Slightly recovering from the first shock, I gently touched my knee. It was wet. Frightened by the loss of blood, I abruptly opened my eyes and … found myself sitting in my own room in front of a computer. There was a mug on the edge of the table, and the last of the hot coffee dripped onto my knee.

- … So this is … a dream was ?! - still in a state of shock, I looked around. - Or … it's all too real to be a dream …

For some reason, I was not relieved that I woke up. There was a strange feeling that the dream had not gone anywhere, but somehow invisibly turned into reality. There was not enough fresh air, and I went to the window to open the window. A car drove past, rattling across the street in even rhythms of the same sounds. A young guy was sitting in front of the house, bent over the screen of his smartphone. He leafed through some messages with concentration. A girl came out of the entrance. Talking animatedly on the phone, she casually greeted the guy and, without slowing down, hurried on. The guy answered something mechanically, without looking up from the screen.

I walked away from the window and, trying to somehow collect my feelings, returned to the table. He sat down, removing the empty mug away. I did not want to sleep at all. He glanced sideways at the monitor. That unfinished song still hung there and waited for its fate. I did not immediately force myself to re-read what I had written. When finished, I immediately closed the page and, after a moment's hesitation, deleted all the texts in the trash. A couple of minutes later the phonogram was in the same place. Yes, the guys won't understand me at all … But I can't write that way. … But as?

… I sat for a long time, painfully peering into the luminous square of the monitor. It seemed that I was trying to see myself in it, as in a mirror. To feel, understand, hear … For the first time in my life I asked myself the question: where will I lead people with my music? … Why have I never thought about it before? He ran, like everyone else, on a short leash, confident that this was my path and my choice. At least once have I tried to look there, far ahead, where does the track I'm running on? Maybe, when I saw it, I would immediately change the route?

It became completely stuffy. I turned off my computer and went outside. Probably worth a trip out of town, unwind and calmly understand yourself. Just walk along the forest path, breathe in the aromas of fresh herbs, listen to how old pines rustle in the wind … Maybe they will tell me where and for what it is worth going …

© 2019

Pavel Lomovtsev (Volkhov)