45+ How not to go crazy in the grip of home and keep the relationship?
45+ How not to go crazy in the grip of home and keep the relationship?

The interview with Vadim Kochkin, winner of the Leaders of Russia competition specializing in Healthcare, in which he shared personal examples of how not to quarrel with loved ones during a long quarantine, aroused the interest of many. Therefore, we continue to discuss the problems of the current quarantine crisis.

Director of the Department of "Oncology" of the group of companies "R-Pharm", winner of the competition "Leaders of Russia" in the specialization "Healthcare" Vadim Kochkinsincerely wants to help families who lacked one day of patience, one word "sorry", one common goal to get out of quarantine together, not alone.

V first partinterview IA REGNUMhe tried to collect only practical advice on how to get along in one apartment for the closest people in conditions of prolonged isolation. And now we will talk about the recommendations for interaction with other relatives, which the hero of the interview personally checked “on himself” and “on his own”. Moreover, not only during the quarantine period, but also during the long life of several generations of the family together.

Winner of the Leaders of Russia competition in the Healthcare specialization Vadim Kochkin

Winner of the Leaders of Russia competition in the Healthcare specialization Vadim Kochkin

© Vadim Kochkin

IA REGNUM: Vadim Yuryevich, the previous time you gave practical advice on how to debug relationships in the so-called "small family" (husband, wife, children in the same apartment or house, or in the country). We hope this information helped the readers. But what if there were more close relatives who isolated themselves for the duration of a long quarantine?

Vadim Kochkin: First of all, of course, here we will discuss relations with our mothers and fathers, grandparents - I can generally talk about them for hours. They have greatly influenced my life by their example. I must say right away that it doesn't matter where they live now: with you or separately.

First, remember yourself as a child. Happened? Now let me start this part of the interview with one definition. When do we stop being “children” and become “adults”? Unfortunately, when our parents leave … Think about it, and now you can close this part of the discussion and move on to the third. Because we all loved, love and will love our parents regardless of their and our age, when they swear at us or we are in a "terrible" offense at them. We just love them. They are the keepers of our childhood… And we will forgive them for everything. Sometimes it's late … So let's stop taking offense at them and think about how we can make their quarantine calmer and more interesting.

IA REGNUM: How exactly?

Vadim Kochkin: If your parents live with you, they just have to have their own premises. Most likely, unfortunately, we will only talk about our mothers. The average life expectancy for men in the Russian Federation is less than 70 years, and for women about 80 years. It is better for them to be closer to the kitchen or bathroom, since they get up very early or in the middle of the night and will not worry about waking someone up. Don't be greedy, give them a better place! Preferably together with their belongings, and preferably furniture from their old apartment. Whether a chair or your crib, a floor lamp.

They really need a connection with the life when you were young and they are young. This is their place of power. If this is not the case, then let there be several framed photos in this area. Their parents, you are with them, they are with their grandchildren. Three to five photographs. Do not be lazy, make them A4 or a little smaller. Put on a couple of your children's family albums. Better yet, a pack of photos in an envelope and ask them to sort them and write in the back when and where they were taken. The task for the allotment is ready! There is also a cool topic - sorting gift cards from the last XX century. I'm sure they still keep them.

Let them also have their own TV set. But with wireless headphones. Most likely, you yourself already watch movies only from a computer or tablet. My mom is over 70 years old. And she doesn’t know how to use a computer (or rather, she doesn’t want to), but they handle a TV program with 100 channels and a remote control masterfully! And he likes to watch films "live" along with advertising, because you can grumble about its quantity and quality.

IA REGNUM: In addition to the atmosphere of comfort, communication is important.

Vadim Kochkin: Communication is the next part of a successful life for parents in the same house with you, but not with you yet. And with their girlfriends and friends. Teach loved ones how to use a couple of video chats from the phone, help them fill in the numbers of all friends. But again - with comfortable headphones. I'm sure your parents already have your old iPhone or Android. It is better to put a "negotiation chair" on the balcony and you will have several hours every day to resolve your work issues and no one will teach you that you are sitting so close to the monitor or that you cannot sit by the "box" and that is extremely dangerous! That you are cleaning the wrong way, and cooking is monstrous!

IA REGNUM: Well, we figured out the quarantined parents' living space, solved the issue with their communication with friends. But you still need some other kind of employment?

Vadim Kochkin: It's really not difficult at all. There are three cool tricks:

  • Entrust them with cooking meals for the whole family, which they always did best and everyone liked. Borscht, cabbage soup, porridge, pies, pancakes - it doesn't matter. But not more often than once a week, preferably on weekends.
  • Give them the opportunity to cook for themselves personally from the products that they themselves ask you to buy. Don't argue with them about the list. Just buy. And give them a daily fixed time to cook in the kitchen. Because the hostess in the kitchen should be alone.
  • Keep a record of something in the apartment. Electricity, water consumption, food supplies … Or some part of your housework: dusting, ironing, etc. They will be happy to help you. Don't forget to just praise them for their help!

And only now we have reached personal communication! Note that you did not have any quarrels or quarrels while your parents were busy with themselves. Outside the window in the evening, you are all drinking tea in the kitchen. Now ask: who did they call today, or what was the weather like in Saratov with Katya's grandmother today, or what is happening there on the political front? And relax …, think about yours. You are a fine fellow and the best son or daughter!

IA REGNUM: Vadim Yuryevich, perhaps you can find some advice for those who, in isolation, cannot go to visit a close relative in another city?

Vadim Kochkin: What to do in this case? Strengthen the ties of the Big Family. Now is a very good time for that. How? We begin to disassemble.

Move completely to video chats that are convenient for all your families. Today I only use them from my smartphone. But I will switch to a laptop, because now there is a need for collective video chats, and not f2f. Work together to set up a schedule for calling you. It is important. The routine mobilizes, helps to worry less that you will forget something, saves your time and the time of other relatives.

For example, my mom and I talk once a week via video chat and a couple of times on the phone. She lives in another city and does not want to move. Usually we call up at 20-21 hours for 10-20 minutes. If I start calling more often, she starts to worry if something has happened to me. My sister calls my mother every day around 22:00, regardless of which country or city she is on a business trip. Otherwise, mom is worried again. This schedule was developed by us over several years, and we are not changing it. He suits everyone.

BakuToday: What can you talk about so often?

Vadim Kochkin: Get started and you will soon have your own list of topics for discussion. Here, for example, these are my school friends, my mother's colleagues from her previous job, the summer cottage and how other relatives are doing. Usually she herself can set the topic of the conversation and she will say everything herself.You should definitely say at the end that everything is fine and calm at home, stable at work, you are completely healthy. And if you are not in the mood to communicate today, discuss at least the weather. The right way! The main thing is to make a call, at least for 5 minutes. Your call is very, very important. They want to hear your voice. Cherish this. And not a word about quarantine !!! Only positive news. This is also important.

With our other relatives, we used to prefer face-to-face meetings. Most of us live in the same city. As of today, only chats are left for communication, which we used before. Now it's just more active. Everyone is in quarantine. That is, there is no need to invent anything new now, use the "old" proven schemes. Just transfer them to the digital segment. We want try a zoom party, but so far it has not worked out. On my birthday in April, I didn't have time to do this. And there was no particular mood. And now I'm sorry. I should have tried.

Expand your Big Family networks. Find and call your distant relatives, about whom you have almost forgotten or know little. It will be great if they live in another city. Now is a very convenient time. Such calls to both parties will give an additional boost of confidence that everything is not so bad. Nobody will share bad news. Maybe you will hear a new idea for your leisure time in quarantine, or maybe for your business or work. Perhaps this summer you will decide to meet and visit each other. This season, we will only have access to routes within the country. Overseas tourism can be challenging. Therefore, it will be better to go to rest with relatives or to host them.

IA REGNUM: In the first part of the interview, you identified three options for families: small, large and family-firm. How can such a relationship be optimized for the quarantine period?

Vadim Kochkin: I will say right away that this type of cooperation is quite difficult to implement, energy-consuming in terms of personal emotions and communications, but it provides additional advantages in times of crisis.


Vadim Kochkin: The main thing is a feeling of confidence for the employee that the "family" will not leave you in a difficult period, will not put you out of the gate. That the “family members” who work side by side with you will protect you or at least offer help and support during this time.

“Family-firm” is now for a long time, maybe forever. This is a very important advantage today. And it's easier to be friends with families than alone. The issue in the company is resolved not only from the point of view of the economy, but also taking into account the safety and stability for the employee. If you have retained a specialist, department, department today, tomorrow you will remain on the market, you will be able to overtake many competitors, occupy new niches in business. This imposes additional responsibilities on the employees themselves if they want to be members of such a family.

IA REGNUM: Which ones?

Vadim Kochkin: First. Relatives are not chosen. You cannot slam the door and go to another “family-firm”. There are fewer of them. There were "incomplete families". You are not expected there. Is it difficult for you to work with your boss? Make an agreement. Now you can. You both need a good working relationship.

Second. If you are the eldest in the family (manager, senior employee in the department), then you must protect your “brothers and sisters”. On another it is impossible. You have no others. But you will have a dedicated team ready to work with you day and night on any project. Because it is necessary, because they believe you. There will be no need to waste time on sometimes useless meetings trying to “sell” a project idea. The communications will be shorter and possibly informal.

Third. Your family is the best! The only way! Remember that "they can't stand dirty linen in public." There is no need to discuss on the side that not everything in your company can now be good and smooth. No, everything is fine in our "family"! And only great! This inner mindset will help make the picture of success real. Checked on myself.Start building such a "family-firm" now. Step by step, day by day.

IA REGNUM: What are the options?

Vadim Kochkin: It all begins and ends with communication. You must have one general chat in the messenger for the entire department or region. And a couple of additional projects, which will then be deleted. There should be a formal agreement on the speed of responses to these messages. The goal is one - a quick reaction to changes in the environment and plans.

Operational control. Something from the category: "Have you done your homework?" I am sure you already have such chats. Don't create many of them. The efficiency drops sharply. And don't overload with information that isn't work-related. Everything is good in moderation. It will be like notes in a diary for parents: “Your Serezha again did not do his homework - a report on the withdrawal of Product A for April. Please take action".

During quarantine make regular, at least 1 time in 2 days, conferences by phone, if before that they communicated in quarantine only by mail. Not less than 5 and not more than 15 participants. If there are more people in your department, then break it up into smaller groups by geography or in some other way. After another week, connect to video conferencing using any program. Video is required and preferably no more than 10 people!

Divide these video chats into 2 parts: official and general. Always end up informal. Then everyone will be waiting for such a meeting next time. Think of it as a parent meeting. Only at the end, the "teacher" does not ask to hand over money for curtains and repairs. Everyone will be pleased.

It will be great if one of these video meetings is dedicated to some pleasant date for everyone. The simplest is dbirthday… I have 40 people in my department, and in April we celebrated four birthdays and one in May. Didn't you have anybody's birthday? Check the dates of hiring employees, maybe someone already has an anniversary of work in the company? There are always reasons.

IA REGNUM: May, for example, is rich in great holidays …

Vadim Kochkin: On June 1, mark “Children Protection Day" together with "The day of leaving the quarantine"! You can also hold small thematic video meetings of interest. For example, our company recently held online yoga classes. Many got interested and took part. Or, on the contrary, make very large, significant meetings for the company.

Now, during the quarantine period, we hold video conferences for one to two hours for the entire company once a week, in which top managers and department heads answer employee questions in an informal setting. The last meeting was attended by over 1,000 people. Very informative, helps to establish interpersonal contact and develop a sense of belonging to what is happening in the company. Such events will already resemble school concerts or proms. This, perhaps, is all.

IA REGNUM: Thank you very much! We hope the readers were interested and informative.

Vadim Kochkin: I repeat that everything written here has been repeatedly "tested" on myself, my friends and acquaintances. No harm done. Don't say right away that the advice doesn't work. Try it first. Try to use at least until June 1st. Tailor the tips to suit you and your environment and use it again.

Take care and develop all three of your "families"! And they will become your most reliable shield today, tomorrow, always. I wish all readers good luck, good luck and good luck again! See you soon on the streets of our cities!

Winner of the Leaders of Russia competition in the Healthcare specialization Vadim Kochkin

Winner of the Leaders of Russia competition in the Healthcare specialization Vadim Kochkin

© Vadim Kochkin

Let us remind you that earlier the winner of the Leaders of Russia competition in the Healthcare specialization Vadim Kochkin has already given several proven practical advice on what can and is useful to do while in quarantine.Because it was difficult to fit all possible practices within the framework of one article, readers who need additional examples or have their own interesting working methods themselves, we inform the editorial mail address (email protected] - marked 45+). We will be glad to continue our communication.

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